It's the Mess That Feels So Right...

“You honestly can’t tell me you are going to Europe wearing that, are you?” Caleb asked for the millionth time, causing me to roll my eyes and Cassandra to frown. It was a habit of Caleb’s, whenever he was nervous or worried he would make smart remarks about your outfit. Both Cass and I knew he must be terribly nervous and stressed, because he had been bitching about my outfit all morning.

We had arrived at the airport early this morning, and after greeting William with as much enthusiasm I could have in said early hours of the morning as well as re-acquainting myself with the rest of The Academy Is..., I was feeling a million times better about this trip. All the boys were so lovely, Mike seemed so thoughtful, so calm and quiet in his thoughts, Sisky was friendly and determined to make sure everyone was smiling despite the sad departure, Chizzy was also quiet, but he was so easy to get on with and like, and Butcher was incredibly nice, and I couldn’t help but adore his child-like innocence.

The plane was finally boarding and the last goodbyes were being said, but Caleb insisted on being difficult and I had a slight suspicion that his plan was drag out his goodbye, resulting in me missing my flight.

“Cay, come on, we have to wrap this up,” I whined, as Caleb caught me in a tight hug and sniffed as if trying to hide the conspicuous tears.

“I know, I know... Remember, do all the school work I send though, okay? And don’t do drugs or drink, or any of that rock ‘n’ roll stuff! And if you come back carrying my nephew, God help me, I will...”

“Caleb!” I shouted, disrupting his rant and drawing unwanted attention toward myself. I tried again, with a quieter tone and a small smile at how ridiculous my best friend could be.

“Hey, I’ll be safe, and I promise none of that stuff previously stated will happen, okay? It’s not like I’m going to be gone forever! And I’m going to miss you,” I whispered the last part and tried not to focus on the fact that it had been years since the two of us had been separated for so long.

“I’m going to miss you more,” Caleb replied childishly, until Cass pushed him away for her turn to say goodbye.

“Alright, hun, just be safe, okay? If you need anything, or just need to talk, don’t hesitate to call and ask! And... I hope you find what you are looking for, whatever that may be.” Cass gave me a small smile, and it was then that I saw how the years had dragged her down.

Her hands settled on both sides of my face, her fresh, ocean smell occupying my nostrils as she leaned forward to settle a kiss on my forehead. Never in my life had I ever wished so fiercely that I could have her for a mother, and what shocked me was the twinge of jealously I felt straight after, as Cass stepped back and put her arm around her son.

William appeared beside me, giving me that ever-comforting smile as he slipped his fingers into my palm and pulled me away gently.

“Bee!” The sudden outburst shocked me, causing me to spin round and detach myself from William in the process. The sudden sorrow I felt that the voice came from Caleb and not the person I had been expecting, confused me, I hadn’t even realised I secretly wished for him to be here. Shaking these peril thoughts from my head, I walked back to Caleb, who looked up at me shyly, striking something odd inside me; Caleb was never one to be unsure of himself.

He leaned in closer, his eyes flashing over to William quickly to check that he was at a reasonable distance, before pulling something out of his pocket and slipping it into my palm. I glanced down at the folded paper, flipping it onto its other side to see if there was any indication on it about what it was for.

Caleb cautiously looked over at William again, before whispering to me, “It’s from Gabe. And please, please don’t get mad at me, but he seemed pretty damn desperate to get it to you. At least just take it, please?”

Without saying a word, I slipped the weightless paper into my pocket, and immediately felt the pressure of a decision waiting on that three-holed paper but I knew it would be a while until I could gain the courage to open it. Giving Caleb one last tight-lipped smile, I hugged him quickly before walking back to join up with William, who took my hand tenderly in his. He smiled down at me, both reassuringly and questioningly, but I shook him off with the same smile I had given to Caleb.

I glanced over for one more peek, to see Caleb mouth the words ‘love you’. I smiled as I mouthed them back, before pushing my pace so I didn’t have time to change my mind. From then on in, it was a blur of passports, over-friendly flight attendants and William clutching my hand, until I was able to escape it all and chuck my iPod on, grateful when I started to drift off.

-X-

Half way round the world, lies the one thing that you want...

Those lyrics struck me the wrong way, causing me to wake suddenly and rip the ear buds from my ears with such ferocity it resulted in Will waking up from his slumber, nearly dropping his laptop in the process.

“Whoa, Bee, is everything okay?” He asked, trying to sort himself from his disorientated state, fixing up his skewed glasses and shutting his laptop abruptly, turning his body in my direction.

A sudden feeling of annoyance appeared inside me, it was almost like I felt like I was being smothered by his questions, which was ridiculous, I was being ridiculous. These thoughts aside, I gave William a sheepish smile and nodded slightly, looking out to the window to be greeted with a black screen.

“How long till we arrive in Paris?” I questioned, wondering how long I had dozed off for.
“Well, actually, we shall be landing in about half an hour,” William noted with a nod, finding humour in my shocked expression.

“You can’t be serious! I slept for the entire flight?”

“Yeah, I was actually getting worried that you might have actually passed out or something...” William trailed off. “I guess you needed the sleep, yeah?”

It was the way he smirked after saying that which caused the flame of annoyance to flare up again. It almost seemed like he thought I hadn’t been able to sleep without him, as if all my restless nights were the result of not having him with me. Breathing out quickly through my nose, I told myself I was just hazy from sleep and these feelings were just the by-product.

“Hey, Bee’s awake!” Sisky yelled from across the aisle, causing me to look across to see him and Mike waving, Mike lagging in enthusiasm which didn’t seem out of character. I waved back with a little laugh, and Sisky held up a small packet with a grin.

“I hope you don’t mind, Mike and I borrowed your peanuts to flick at elderly passengers!” Sisky yelled, setting off a murmur of disgruntled grumbles and left me wondering how exactly you borrow someone’s peanuts.

“I forgive you?” I asked, and Sisky just laughed, settling back into his chair before jumping up again and opening his mouth, but another voice cut him off.

“Alright, alright Siska, you can harass your new playmate later on in this tour, she might want to get some more rest, am I right?” William asked with a soft smile, turning to look back at me and I nodded slightly. The more sleep I got, the better, and besides, I didn’t want to be conscious when the plane landed.

-X-

As soon as we were off the plane, the boys asked Tony if they could take one of the rental cars and grab some dinner, and would meet up with the rest of the crew at the hotel. Tony - sick of Sisky’s consistent badgering – agreed, directing us to chuck our suitcases in the back of the van to take back to the hotel.

Silently grateful that William had released me long enough to be able retrieve my own suitcase, I began walking over to the vehicle, lugging the suitcase behind me and immediately started mentally kicking myself for being so lazy and letting Caleb pack for me. Chizzy sidled up beside me with a gentle smile and held his hand out, motioning for my suitcase.

“That looks heavy. Here, let me take it,” He offered, and took it before I could say anything. I gave him an appreciative smile, and continued to walk with him toward the van.

“Oh thanks. Jeez, do we ever need more kind Aussie gentlemen like yourself back at home,” I said with a grin.

“And in Australia, too! And whoa, this thing is pretty heavy! William did tell you how long this tour was, right?” Chizzy asked with a smirk and I punched him lightly, smiling also.

“Yes, smartass, but I was lazy and let my clothes-whore of a best friend pack for me, and he forgot to mention he packed something for every occasion! I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a Mickey Mouse costume in there for me to wear to Disneyland.”

Chizzy laughed and again, then gave me a strange look. “Wait. He?”

“Yeah, I know. He swears he straight though, if that counts for anything,” I joked, rolling my eyes as I helped open the van door of Chizzy.

“Stop gossiping, girlies, it’s time to go!” The Butcher yelled out from across the car park, his head hanging out the window resembling that of an eager dog.

“Yeah, yeah, keep those panties on, Butch!” I yelled back, Butcher flipping me the bird in response.

“I think you are going to fit in well on this tour,” Chizzy mused with a small smile, instantly making me feel more confident about this trip, with the feelings towards William aside.

After the six of us scrambled into the car, Sisky sitting on Butcher’s lap on the back right, William in the middle and me on the left, Mike driving and Chizzy in the passenger’s seat, William asked what we all felt like, dinner-wise.

Sisky sat up straight in excitement, The Butcher letting out a quiet squeak of what I imagine was pain from Sisky’s skinny butt cheeks protruding into his upper thighs.

“I want Macca’s!” Sisky yelled, clapping his hands childishly.

“What the fuck, Sisky?” Mike asked loudly, eyeing him from the rear-view mirror with an irritated look. “We come all the way to Paris, France, just so you can eat the same shit we eat at home?”

“Yeah...?” Both Chizzy and William smirked, obviously predicting the fight that was about to break out.

“Dude, try some actual French cuisine! You might as well, while we are here in France!”

“I don’t want no frogs legs or snails!”

“No one said you had to! Maybe try a French dessert, hmm?"

“No fucking way dude, I ain’t eating no slug cheesecake!”

“They don’t even put slugs in the cheesecake!”

“How do you know?” Sisky challenged fiercely.

“Because I just do!”

“That doesn’t even count as a valid answer!”

“But they don’t put slugs in cheesecake!”

“You don’t know that! I am just saying that I don’t wanna eat sluggy cheesecake!”

“For the love of all things good and pure, I will turn this goddam car around if you don’t stop talking – honestly,” Mike grumbled and Sisky fell silent, crossing his arms in his defeated sulk.

The inhabitants of the car were all quiet, only the sounds of our breathing there to comfort us as the streetlights peered out of the darkness and flashed across the car. William slid his arm around me and pulled me closer to him, my head nestling into the slot between his neck and shoulder.

I waited patiently for those feelings of being smothered and annoyed to resurface, as they had done all today, but when all I felt was that fluttering happiness, I sighed in content and relaxed into William’s lanky frame. I felt William smile, then he turned his head and left a small kiss on my forehead, that fluttering feeling intensifying.

Sisky, who began to fidget, suddenly realised he had to have the last word.

“Mike, your face is a giant slug.”