Memories Won't Let Me Cry

I ran my fingers through my daughters beautiful hair as she watched cartoons. This was my angel...my number one reason for living and now I was feeling guitly because of not telling everyone. But what would have happened? Brian would have never became the successful guitarist of Avenged Sevenfold and I would've never became as successful in the Army!

"Mommy will I go to school here?" Madison asked as a commercial began playing.

"Yes hunny...but you have to meet your Grandma and Grandpa first" I replied and smiled as she turned looking at me.

"I really missed you mommy" she replied.

"I missed you too baby....so much" I replied as I held her tightly and rocked side to side slightly. I placed soft kisses on her forhead as I closed my eyes. This was my baby....I loved her with everything I had!

"Mems?" I turned my head and saw all the girls standing there with small smiles, which I half heartedly returned.

"Hey aunt Lyndsey" Madison replied as she looked toward her.

"Hey kiddo" Lyndsey replied as she sat down on the table infront of us.

"Mommy I like her...she was so nice to me" Madison replied as she turned to me.

"Thats why I love her too sweety. She is your uncle Matt's girlfriend" I explained and smiled as she nodded her head.

"She told me" Madison replied with the knowing smile that also reminded me of her father.

"Well Ms. know it all...meet your other Aunts" I replied as I turned toward the other girls. "This is my best friend your Aunt Corie...she is your uncle Zacky's girlfriend"

"Hi Aunt Corie my names Madison Sanders" Madison replied as she stood holding out her little hand to Corie.

"Well hello there hot stuff" Corie replied with a chuckle as she shook her hand. "Oh yea...you are your fathers daughter!"

"You know my daddy?" Madison shot out with a hopeful smile.

"Uh..." Corie replied as she looked toward me.

"We'll get to that later ok Maddy?" I asked and she nodded before looking at the other two girls.

"This pretty lady right here is Joselyn...your Uncle Jimmys girlfriend" I replied pointing to Joselyn. "And this is your uncle Johnny's girlfriend Katie" I replied pointing to Katie.

"Hi Joselyn and Katie...I'm Madison Sanders" she replied shaking both there hands, recieving hello's from them.

I smiled as she made small talk with the girls. They laughed and talked to her...getting to know her which I was happy for. I turned my head toward the door as Zacky, Jimmy and Johnny made they're way inside, holding smiles on their faces as they looked at Madison then me.

"Whoa...cool tattoos!" Madsion shot out recieving chuckles from them and myself.

"Thanks shorty" Johnny replied.

"Shorty?" Madison replied with a look like her father, "You should talk!"

"Holy shit!" Jimmy replied as he laughed with the rest of us. "Me and you are gonna get along gorgeous!" he replied as he knealed infront of her. "I'm your uncle Jimmy"

"I'm Madison Sanders" she replied as she hugged him.

Once everyone got introduced properly we all sat around for awhile, everyone asking Maddy questions so they could get to know her better. It made me feel amazing to know that everyone was taking this somewhat well...everyone but my brother and Brian.

"I have to go to the bathroom mommy" Madison replied as she turned to me.

"I'll take her" Corie replied as she stood from Zackys lap.

"No it's ok I'll take her" I replied as I began to stand.

"Its fine mommy...Aunt Corie can take me" Madison replied which caused me to smile.

"Ok...thank you Corie" I replied as I watched her take Madison's hand.

"Dont mention it Firefly" Corie replied as they walked out of the house, beginning a small conversation between the two of them.

I sighed and turned back to my other friends whose eyes where all on me with small smiles. I knew those looks...they wanted me to spill my guts!

"What?" I asked innocently.

"Why didn't you tell us Mems?" Jimmy asked from beside me.

"I don't know" I sighed as I leaned against him more, his arm wrapping around me. "I just.....I didn't know how everyone would take it seeing as I kept her hidden for so long"

"Just like you kept yourself hidden?" Zacky asked as he looked at me, I nodded slightly and looked down.

"Was that the main reason?" Johnny piped in.

"It was part of it...along with the whole Andrew situation.....and how envolved I was with the Army. I loved what I was doing but how everything went down between us when I left I still thought everyone over here was still pissed at me. And the fact that I was now in a marriage that I wasn't even happy in, and had a child that you all see obviosly belongs to the asshole Haner.....how would you have looked at me then?" I asked.

"Memphis.....we all said and did somethings back then that we all regreted for such a long ass time! The love we had for you is stronger now because of how proud we are of you for not letting our bullshit get in the way of your dreams. You made it hapen firefly....you did everything you told us you where going to do and more!" Jimmy replied as he turned my face so I could look at him, wiping some small tears that had fallen as I listened to what he said.

"How proud would you be of me if I told you I was discharged?" I whispered looking in his eyes.

"What?" Jimmy asked, taken back slightly.

"Why?" Zacky and Johnny asked at the same time, moving closer to the couch.

"I was in charge of a speacil ops group that was in charge of going behind enemy lines to kill a rouge group and they had taken all my men captive, I was given orders to wait on backup that would've came too late, leaving all of the men that put their trust in me to protect their lives dead. So I proceeded against my comanders orders, saving my troops in the process" I replied.

"But....you saved them....how did that give them the right to fuckin discharge you?" Zacky questioned, his voice raising from the anger he was now feeling.

"I never disobeyed orders given to me by my comander so he made an example out of me, that way he would know no one else would try the samething later on against his wishes" I explained.

"Thats just bullshit Memphis!" Johnny replied as he stood.

"Thats what I've been telling myself since I arrived back home....too bad it hasn't sank in" I replied as I stood, walking around the couch.

"Memphis...." I turned looking toward Lyndsey who had stood also. "We are all here for you...no matter what happens we are here!"

"I know...thats why I love you" I replied and smiled as I walked out of the cabin.

I took a deep breath and wiped my cheeks from the dampness of my tears. I scanned over my surroundings, just easing my mind and stopped once my eyes found Corie and Matt sitting on the deck of the other cabin talking queitly. I tilted my head and walked off the deck looking around, trying to find a glimpse of my daughter. I quickly walked out and stopped in my tracks when I saw in the distance on the dock...Madison stood there beside Brian....talking quietly.