Memories Won't Let Me Cry

I was sitting in the living room, watching TV by myself when the front door opened and Travis, Matt's older brother, came through the door.

"Hey, pretty." He greeted. "Is she here?"

I smiled and pointed to the kitchen. "I think she's talking with Matt."

His brow rose and he immediately went in that direction. "Better go make sure she's not trying to kill him."

Chuckling, I continued to channel surf and wonder why there was absolutely nothing to watch.

As the minutes ticked by, I began to get more nervous. I could hear the sound of voices coming from the kitchen, but I couldn't hear what was being said. I hoped that they weren't fighting, and that Matt wasn't being given a hard time. The past year has been hard enough on him, I thought with a sinking heart. And it was all because of me.

Pushing those thoughts aside, I settled on watching some music videos on FUSE.

I soon caught myself biting my nails and quickly stopped, crossing my arms to hide the nervous habit. Matt would kick my ass if he caught me doing it. He hated it when I bit my nails, and I could never figure out why.

"Baby?" Matt called from the kitchen and I almost jumped.

"Yeah?" I called back, already standing and straightening my Syn Gates T-shirt. I might as well support him, considering he is my best friend.

"Come in here."

Rolling my eyes at his bossiness, I started to make my way there but stopped when Memphis came out with a grin on her face.

"You're going to let him boss you around like that?" She asked dryly.

I laughed a little and shrugged one shoulder. "I boss him around most of the time, so I figure he can have a small chance every once in a while."

She nodded. "Good girl. Since we haven't officially met yet, I'm Memphis."

She was forward; I liked it. "I'm Lyndsey."

She winked. "So I've heard."

And then she did something that I definitely wasn't expecting. She stepped forward and hugged me tightly and it took me a second before I hugged her back.

"Since my big, bad brother calls you the love of his life, I think I should be able to call you my friend, right?"

I chuckled and nodded as we pulled away. "I think so. But only if I can call you a friend, too?"

She nodded. "Absolutely. Now get yourself a drink and follow me, we're going outside."

As she turned around, I couldn't help but smirk. And she called her brother bossy?

"Where are you two going?" Travis asked suspiciously as I followed her threw the kitchen, to the door that lead out onto the porch.

"Outside. You two stay in here, unless you want to be part of some girl talk?"

The boys exchanged glances before shaking their heads.

"I have to get home." Travise excused, standing and kissing Memphis on the forehead. "Good to have you home, kid. I'll call you later, Matt."

"Bye, dude." Matt waved before he looked at us and shook his head. "You girls have fun. I'm going to stay in here…have a nap or something."

His sister stuck her tongue out at him before stepping out into the early evening sunshine.

"Like her?" Matt asked quietly and I grinned at him.

"Love her."

"Good." He nodded and winked at me. "Love you."

I wrinkled my nose at him. "I think I love you more."

He shook his head at me and then got up to walk into the living room.

Smiling a little to myself, I followed Memphis outside and let the door close behind me.

She was sitting on one of the deck chairs facing the ocean and I took the one beside her, stretching my legs out with a sigh.

"My brother loves you." Was the first thing she said to me. "I can tell just by the way he looks at you."

My heart skipped a beat at her words even as I said, "I love him, too. More than anything."

She smiled. "I can tell that, too. Do you want to marry him?"

The question was rather blunt, but I couldn’t blame her. She just met me, and I was dating her brother. She was bound to be a little over-protective.

"Yes." I said honestly. "I would love to marry him. But…" I let myself trail off, trying not to think of what had happened this year, what had almost torn me and Matt apart.

"But what?" She prodded.

"Oh, I don't know." I sighed.

She paused before turning sharp blue eyes on me. "You two will get married. Whatever you guys have been through, no matter how long you've been together, I know that my brother loves you. I've always been able to read him like a book and when he was talking about you earlier…honey, his face just lit up. He's happy with you, happier than I've ever seen him and I know that he wants to marry you. You two just need some time, that's all."

I nodded and wondered silently if Matt had told her about what had happened this year, in January.

Wanting to change the subject, I smiled at her. "So what was it like, being in the Army?"

She laughed a little, and the sound was filled with the joy and sorrow of memories.

"Well, Lyndsey, I'll tell you," She took a deep breath and leaned her head back against the chair with her eyes closed. "I went through a lot of things when I was in the army; good and bad, but mostly bad. But even for all that, I wouldn't change it for the world. I learned a lot about myself there; who I am, who I want to be, what I want out of life…things that I could never have learned by just living, being the girlfriend of Synyster Gates and the sister of M. Shadows. I took a lot away from my experiences and even though it hurt…I'd do it all again in a heartbeat."

I nodded and looked out at the ocean, wondering if I should bring Brian up. I knew she probably didn’t want to talk about him, and I had promised that I would only say something if she brought it up first. But I couldn’t just leave it; I had a feeling that if someone didn’t say something, it would drag on and never be resolved and neither of them – especially Brian – would ever be happy.

“Look, Memphis,” I said hesitantly, turning in my seat to face her. “I know that you and I barely know each other – I mean, we just met. But there’s something that I think you should know, but I just…don’t know how to tell you.”

She smiled and leaned towards me. “Just say it, Lynds. It’s okay; I won’t bite, I promise.”

I laughed a little and nodded, turning my eyes once again out to the ocean.

“I know that you and Brian have had some…problems, and I’m not asking you to tell me what they are; it’s none of my business, unless you want to tell me. But…”

“But?” She prodded, sounding a little suspicious.

“But Brian’s my best friend, besides Matt, and I think you should know how sorry he is.”

She scoffed. “He couldn’t be that sorry. If he really cared, he would have written, or tried to contact me, or-“

“But that’s the thing.” I interrupted gently. “He didn’t think you would want him to do those things. He knows that he hurt you and…let’s be honest, okay? We both know that Mr. Gates can get pretty hot-tempered pretty quickly, and he’s not the best with words, especially when he’s the one in the wrong.”

She huffed and rolled her eyes, muttering under her breath, “Stubborn, cocky bastard.”

I laughed. “Oh, I’m with you there.” Then I turned more serious as I took her hand and made her look at me. “But he loves you. He loves you so much, Memphis. I met him after you had already left and I always thought that there was something…missing in him. And now that you’re back, I know that it was you. You were missing from his life, and I don’t think he’ll ever be the same.”

She was silent and stood up for a moment, pacing to the end of the porch before coming back to stare at me in confusion.

“Then why did he do it?” She demanded, throwing her hands wide. “Why did he push me away like he did, if he needed me that much?”

I shrugged. “I don’t really know. Maybe because he was scared of losing you.”

She shook her head. “Well, he should have thought about me, about how I felt.”

I took a deep breath and stood up. “I’m not trying to make excuses for him, I’m just-“

“Trying to be a friend.” She sighed and smiled tightly at me. “I know. And I appreciate it.”

I smiled. “Yeah. I don’t really want to get into this, not right now and…I don’t know what Matt told you, but he and I went through some…” I licked my lips, searching for the right words. “Problems last January, after my dad died, and Brian was there for me through it all. He rarely left my side, unless Matt was there, and he helped me more than he’ll ever understand. I’m just trying to do the same. You don’t have to listen or take my advice but…” I tilted my head at her and gave her a small smile. “You listened to Matt, and let him explain himself. Maybe you could do the same for Bri, too.”

She bit her lip and nodded before turning away to look out into the distance again, her arms crossed over her chest.

Feeling like she just wanted to be alone to think, I touched her arm briefly before turning to walk back inside. I thought I heard her whisper something to me, but I didn’t stop to ask.

As I entered the house, I heard male voices from the living room and went in to see that Matt was talking with Brian.

“Hey, pretty.” Brian greeted with a smile and I smiled back.

“What are you doing here?” I asked as I sat down in between them on the couch, touching Brian’s arm before snuggling into Matt’s side.

Brian shrugged.

“How’d it go with my sister?” Matt asked, running his fingers lightly threw my hair.

“Good.” I smiled at him. “I really like her, Matt. I think she’s amazing.”

He smiled, showing off those heart-stopping dimples, and nodded. “Just like you. I knew you two would get along great.”

I poked him in the side and turned when Brian asked me, “Is she still out there?”

I nodded. “Yeah.” I paused and pushed him lightly in the shoulder. “You should go out there, talk to her.”

He hesitated and then shook his head. “She’s not ready to see me.”

“How do you know?” Matt countered. “She talked to me.”

“You’re her brother, Matt.”

“So?”

“Look, Bri…I talked to her and she still seems upset about the whole thing. But one of you has to make the first move. Why not give it a shot?” I shrugged one shoulder. “At least you will have tried, right?”

He nodded and then made a face. “I don’t know, Lynds.”

I made a sound of frustration. “Go talk to her.”

He sighed heavily and stood. “Okay, okay. I don’t know how well it will go, though.”

“Want me to come hold your hand?” I teased.

“Fuck you.” He shot back with a fake glare before he left the room.

“Think she’ll listen to him?” Matt asked quietly and I turned to look at him.

“I don’t know. I really don’t, Matt. But he has to try.”

He nodded and pulled me a little closer, so that my back rested against his front.

“Want to go home?” He asked with his lips pressed to my hair. “Or should we stay for a bit, see how things go outside?”

I patted his leg and stood to get myself a drink from the kitchen.

“I’ll let you figure that one out for yourself, stud.”

As I walked into the kitchen, I peeked out the window to see that Memphis was still standing with her back to the house, but her head was turned towards Brian as he stood slightly behind her, his hands shoved deep in his pockets. I could hear the rumble of his voice as he talked to her and though she wasn’t saying anything back or looking too enthusiastic, they weren’t fighting.

That had to be a good start, right?