Memories Won't Let Me Cry

I stood there looking out at the waves letting everything Lyndsey had just said sink in more. I did care about Brian…hell...I possibly still loved him! But I couldn't let go of the fact that he had hurt me the way he did. Usually people say things work themselves out...I didn't see that happening anytime soon! For one, I had something I needed to tell my family besides the fact that I was dishonorably discharged from the Army! I didn't know how they would take it...most of all...I didn't know how Brian would take it!

I heard the door open and close, and thinking it was either my mom or Matt I didn't turn around.

"The beach always did relax you." Brian replied.

At the sound of his voice I turned my eyes toward his. Those hazel eye's I remembered staring into at some of the most amazing and trying times in my teenage years! Learning to dance, when my grampie died, when Matt and I would fight, when I told him I loved him, and when I lost my virginity to him! Everything about Brian Haner Jr was always so intriguing to me...I found it hard to let go of him! I followed his every step just as he did mine! I loved him with everything little piece of my heart...and in the end he broke every little piece of that heart I had once loved him with!

"Mems, look, I know it's probably too soon for me to be near you but...there are somethings I need to say to you!" he replied as he shoved his hands deeper into the pockets of his jeans, a sign that he was indeed nervous. "I'm sorry for one! I didn't appreciate you Memphis! Not one little bit while we where together back then. I loved you...I can tell you that...but I took you for granted!"

I turned my attention back to the ocean, watching the waves, hoping that the tears welling up in my eyes wouldn't fall! I couldn't show weakness...I wouldn't show weakness!

"I fell so hard for you so fast back then. I remember asking you out and the cute little laugh you gave me. I remember making you cry for the first time and wanting to go all emo and slit my wrist because when you cried something inside me would die! I remember our pact Mems!" he whispered the last part to me.

I closed my eyes, feeling a smile coming on as the memory of Brian and my pact came back to me. When I turned 17, Brian took my to the sacred spot in Central Park. There we would make a pact, that if we ever broke up, and he wasn't married by the time he was 25 and I wasn't married by the time I was 24..we would get hitched! When your a teenager you hold onto your first love thinking that you'll never come to that crossroads where you indeed do break up! The sad thing was, Brian and I did...and I knew we would never go back to the way things where between us! There was no way!

"What are you getting at Haner?" I asked as I reopened my eyes, looking back at him.

"Mems...I'm an asshole ok? I admit it and I'll wear it in shame! I was a fuckin asshole to you! I couldn't get over myself enough to see that you wanted to make something of yourself! You wanted more than what Huntington had to offer and I was blinded by the band and depending on you to be by myside in any situation that I overlooked your feelings!"

"According to your little speech in my room Brian I had no feelings!" I replied as I crossed my arms and turned so my body was facing his.

"Memphis...weather you believe this or not...it's the god honest truth." Brian looked down and took a deep breath before looking back up into my eyes. "I was scared! That day in your room...I was battling two emotions. One was all my love for you and the other was my anger at you for leaving me! You where leaving the next day Mems and I was hurting so fucking bad!"

"You don't think I was hurting Brian? My god...I was leaving everything I had ever known behind to get on a plane and travel somewhere I had no clue even existed! I was leaving my family, friends, and the one guy I thought truly loved me behind!"

"I did love you Mems! Honest to god I did!" he replied.

"Maybe you thought you did Brian!" I replied lowly.

"God your still too damn stubborn!" he replied with a small smile.

"You should talk!" I replied and looked into the house as the phone rang.

I smiled as Lyndsey attempted to answer it but Matt picked her up and moved her out of the way with his famous smile and answered the phone.

"Mems?" I heard Brian's voice again which caused me to look at him to see him looking at me. "I want another chance!"

"Brian I-"

"Please? Just give me a chance to prove to you that I love you! Let me make up for my mistakes Memphis please?" he asked stepping toward me.

"Brian...I can't!" I said.

"Why?" he asked as he stopped.

"Because-" I began again but was yet again cut off by the door opening.

"Kid?" Matt's voice replied.

"Yea?" I asked as I looked at my brother whose face held confussion.

"There's someone named Andrew on the phone for you! He's calling long distance from Flordia!" he replied.

I felt my heart fall into my stomach as Brian's eyes looked at me as Matt's did. They where both searching me for an answer as to who Andrew was. That's what I needed to tell them! While I was over in Iraq I had met someone special. A guy that I called my boyfriend for 2 years! But a year ago, Sgt. Andrew Brinkman asked me to be his bride...and I accepted after 2 weeks of thinking it over! I never thought I would be discharged from the Army and sent back home where the love of my life, Brian Haner Jr, would ask for a second chance!

2 months ago Andrew had been sent to a base in Florida to help train new meat and I hadn't seen him since. We had talked on the phone and I still wore the diamond ring he gave me...but when I found out I would be coming home I placed it in my jewelry box and neglected to put it back on! I knew my family would go through the roof once they found out about Andrew and Brian's heart would probably be broken! But the truth was I did love Andrew...and now that I was placed face to face with Brian again...I found that I loved him some still!

"Memphis, your mom says hurry cause she needs the phone!" Lyndsey called out.

"I'm coming!" I shouted and headed toward the house.

I looked at Brian one last time before I squeezed past Matt and walked toward the phone. Lyndsey smiled warmly at me from her spot on the couch and I returned the smiled the best I could as I picked up the phone placing it to my ear. I knew Brian and Matt had followed me into the house and where probably eavesdropping...just as everyone else in this house!

"Hello?" I asked.

"Memphis?" Andrew asked.

"Yeah babe it's me!" I replied.

"Babe?" I heard Matt and Brian reply from behind me.

I looked at Lyndsey to see her eyes where wide...Jeez...was I in for it after this phone call!