Something Better

“Hello? Kristen I’m here!” I walked into Kristen’s house where she lived with her mom. Their house was pretty nice. It was small, but it’s just the two of them, so it doesn’t matter.

“I’m upstairs!” I saw Kristen come to the top of the stairs with a bathrobe on. Her hair was wet, so she probably just took a shower. “I’m so glad you’re here. I’m freaking out!” She said while jumping up and down.

“Yeah, I heard from Nick that Kevin has been a bit freaky, too.” I said while walking up the stairs.

“Really? Okay good. I was worried that I was the only one freaking out about this.” She said, and smiled with relief.

Yeah, if you didn’t already figure it out, their wedding is today. That’s why I’m over Kristen’s house. She wanted help getting ready, but she didn’t really want her mom there. Her mom is also freaking out about this. But I mean, come on, her daughter is getting married. I think I’d be a bit shocked if my daughter wasn’t going to be living with me anymore.

But now, I’m basically the only calm one here, besides Rachel, of course. Unfortunately, she’s still on the plane ride. Yup, she’s on her way. I really hope Nick is happy to see her. He should be, after what happened. We don’t need another mishap like that, especially with Rachel around.

Well, I really am the only calm one here because I haven’t showed any emotion whatsoever since that little incident with Joseph… otherwise I would probably be just as freaked out as Kristen. But I can’t be, because I know I’ll never have this with Joe.

I flinched as I reality hit me hard. I would never get married to Joseph, the love of my life, the one who I’ve been dreaming about marrying ever since Nick and I broke up. (Maybe even before that…) He’s the reason I cry myself to sleep every night. Probably mostly because of the hormones this child is giving me, but I don’t really know why Joe became the way he did. We had a perfect life together. Why did he have to go and screw it all up? You can only imagine how my heart was feeling right now, unexplainable pain raking through my body as if I swallowed a million pins and they were digesting around my heart area. I know, it sounds a little weird, but I can’t really explain the pain. You get me?

I wonder if he really was cheating on me. If he was, than is he still cheating? Somewhere in the back of my mind was telling me that this was all a misunderstanding. That Joe never cheated and that I’m completely overreacting. But then again, this other voice inside my head, a very tiny one, keeps saying that he did cheat and that I can do better than him. The only problem is, I know I’ll never be able to find someone as perfect as Joe. I’ll never be able to find someone that I can have a great connection with the way Joe and I had. It’s just not possible.

I pretended to laugh at Kristen as I followed her to her room. She can be a bit crazy at times, but that’s why I love her. I would do anything for Kristen. Suddenly, Joe popped up in my mind when I said ‘crazy.’ I still love Joe, even thought he can be ‘crazy’ at times. I flinched again as I swallowed some more needles.

When we got to her room, her wedding dress was laying on her bed. It really was beautiful.

I started thinking about how I wanted, more than anything, to look just as beautiful as Kristen in front of Joe. My heart throbbed again in pain. Ugh… isn’t there anything else to eat besides needles! I’m hurting here!

My life is a living hell without Joe. I don’t what to do with myself now that he’s not around. I guess it is my fault though; I could have just given him another chance and trusted him. But, I didn’t want to get hurt again. What I went through was just as bad as this, except a little worse because I would always get my hopes up that he would come back for me. Then just like that, he would be off again doing whatever with another girl, maybe. All I ever did was mope around my apartment. Then again, that’s exactly what I do now, except I don’t get my hopes up anymore. Am I a sad individual or what?

Kristen’s words brought me to the present time. “Alyssa, are you okay? You look like you were spacing out there for a second.”

All I had to do was look at her and she immediately understood. Kevin already told her about Joe and me.

She put both her hands up to her mouth. “Oh sweetie, I’m so sorry. I didn’t think that you would be upset over the whole thing with Joe. Of course you would be! I’m so sorry; all I was thinking about was myself.” She came over to me and gave me a hug.

Gee, thanks for pointing out the obvious, Kristen. I was trying so hard not to think about him, and then you just HAD to bring up his name. Thanks a whole bunch…

Well, at least she’s being sympathetic. I tried to hug her back while holding in the tears. I backed away.

“You know what, never mind. Let’s just get you ready and forget all about Joe. If I keep thinking about him, I’ll only start crying and I really don’t feel like doing that. It’s all I’ve been doing for the past few days, and it’s getting really annoying. This is your big day, not my day to let out all my problems that nobody could care less about. Now, let’s get you all prettied up for your big day!” I tried to smile, thinking that I did a pretty good job at pretending not to care about Joe.

“Are you sure?” Kristen asked, sympathy seeping out of her eyes. She obviously didn’t believe my little show I just put on.

“Positive.” She smiled at me and I was able to make my smile a little more realistic.

“Come on now. Let’s get you ready!” I said happily and walked over to her desk in her room. I grabbed the chair and set it down in the middle of the room. “Sit.” I told her.

She obeyed and waited patiently for me to do something. I grabbed her hair drier and a brush, and then walked back over to her.

“You ready?” I asked her.

She smiled this huge, toothy smile and nodded her head rapidly. I smiled to myself and started working on her hair.