Something Better

Joe’s P.O.V.

Pretty soon, Alyssa just fell asleep in my arms. All of that crying must have really wiped her out. It must be tough, though. Having something living inside of you dies, just like that. I was torn apart when I found out, my own child. I was so happy that I was going to be a father, even though I’m not married. Just the thought, though, was amazing. Nothing could have made me happier then have my own child and it was taken away from me. But I need to be strong for Alyssa. I need to be her support. She needs to know that someone still loves her and will be there for her. Even if she still hates me, I’ll be there for her no matter what.

I let her sleep in my arms. I didn’t want to release her just yet. I miss the feeling of her in my arms, holding her as if she was a delicate piece of gold. And to me, she was. I didn’t want that to go away, so I let her just lay there limp and snoring slightly.

She should be out for quite some time. The medicine that the doctors are giving her is making her sleepy. I guess she needs her rest to heal after the surgery. Yes, she did undergo surgery. The baby had to be surgically removed for some reason. The still haven’t told us why the baby died yet. They’re still doing tests.

I feel so bad for Alyssa. I hate seeing her so sad like this. It makes me just want to build a time machine, go back in time, and fix everything. I would rather myself go through all this pain ad not Alyssa. I hate seeing her like this… And I don’t want to think of what she’ll do when she wakes up. I really wish there was some way to rid her of all this pain…

A doctor walked through the door then, interrupting my thoughts. It was a blond guy. I think it was the same one that did surgery on Alyssa…

He noticed me in the room and looking at him. A smile spread across his already bright face. “Oh hello! Are you family?” He gestured towards Alyssa.

I paused before I answered. Um… no. I’m not.” I answered, monotone.

His face did’t dim even the slightest bit. “Oh. Alright then. Boyfriend?”

Why the hell does this guy even want to know? “No.” I answered my voice still monotone.

“Oh. You’re a friend then?” A puzzled look came across his face.

I was getting beyond frustrated now. He should come in to check up on Alyssa, not ask me a bunch of stupid questions. “Um, why do you care?” I didn’t mean for it to come out sounding mean, but he was really starting to annoy me.

He had a frown on his face, but the natural brightness was still there. “Well, I just needed to know for security reasons. We found out what happened to Alyssa’s baby, but we can only tell family members. And I was just trying to found out what you were to her. If you were her boyfriend, then I probably would have told you. But it seems that you’re her best friend or something.” He gestured towards my arms around Alyssa, and then looked back at me. He smiled that genuine smile of his again.

Well, I could just lie…

“Um, well we used to be together. We… We broke up, but I still really care about her. I mean, I don’t even think we’re friends or anything. I don’t know if that helps any…” I said slowly. I really didn’t know what to tell him, so I just told him the truth. I’d rather Alyssa not be mad at me when she wakes up.

The doctor shrugged his shoulders. “I’m sorry then. I can’t tell you. Maybe when she wakes up, though, she can clarify whether or not I can tell you.” He gave me a reassuring smile.

Yeah, sure… I highly doubt that. Alyssa probably still hates me, and our recent fight doesn’t help with that either. She definitely won’t allow me to know.

“Okay.” Was all I could say. I’m breaking down over here. The girl that I would die for hates my guts and thinks that I cheated on her. Reality is, I never even looked at another girl when she came into my life. Even still, the only girl I can see myself with is her. I can’t help it… she’s the one I want. She’s the only one I’ll ever want for the rest of my life. It kills me inside to know that she doesn’t feel the same anymore…

The mother fucker of a doctor smiled brightly at me, yet again. He’s way too happy for me right now. “Alright. I’ll come back later to check up on Alyssa.” Then he left.

Thank God…

It was silent while I heard the door close. I fixed my gaze out the window across the room to the cars that were driving down the street. I still held on to Alyssa. I wasn’t really to let her go yet. I wanted to really take in the moment while I could because when she wakes up she’ll probably push me away. And break my heart… again.

“Why didn’t you just lie to him?” I heard a voice ask me, interrupting my thoughts. But I didn’t mind this time. I knew that voice…

I looked down and saw Alyssa’s eyes open, but she wasn’t looking at me. She had her eyes fixated at the end of her hospital bed. She’d heard the whole conversation?

“What?” I asked.

“Why didn’t you just lie and tell him that you were family so you could find out what happened? It would have made things a whole lot easier than having to wait.” Her eyes were still fixed at the end of her bed.

“I-I didn’t want to get in trouble. And I thought maybe that you wouldn’t want me to know…” Wait, she wasn’t pushing me away. She actually wanted me to lie to the doctor.

I’m so confused right now… I think the surgery messed up her mind or something.

She sighed and said, “Well, I guess I could see why you would think that. So I’m not going to yell at you ad tell you that you’re a dumb ass for not just lying.”

Well at least some of her is still all there.

My head was spinning. So she really did want me to find out? She doesn’t care? She’s not mad that I still have my arms snuggly wrapped around her tiny frame? She’s not yelling at me?

So many questions were popping into my head at that moment. I couldn’t speak… I was having too much of a hard time to even think.

Finally, she looked at me. Her beautiful dark brown eyes’ sending sparks throughout my entire body. “Joe?” She asked.

Since I still couldn’t find the words to speak, I just said the first thing that came to mind. “You’re not mad?”

A small smile spread across her delicate features. “Yeah, I’ve been kind of a bitch lately, haven’t I?” She asked, still looking at me. I wonder if she even knows what kind of affect she still has on me…

“You have every right to be.” I said quickly.

“Her smile faded, eyes boring deeper into mine. “You know very well Joe, that I’ve been wrong this entire time. You never cheated. I don’t know what you were doing,” She looked away for a second, and then returned her gaze back to mine, “but you never meant to hurt me. I was the dumb ass that jumped to conclusions and just immediately thought that you were cheating. I should have just believed you, Joe. I can’t believe I even made you go through all that. You don’t know how sorry I am for all of the shit I put you through. No, sorry doesn’t even begin to cover it. There is nothing I could do that would make you forgive me for what I did to you.” She frowned and fixed her gave back at the end of her bed.

I just became even more confused. My mind was literally a big mess of words right now. I was not comprehending anything that Alyssa just said. My brain was on overdrive, and I’m pretty sure we all know that that’s not the best thing for Joseph Jonas.

Once Alyssa realized that I wasn’t going to say anything, she looked at me. A worried expression overcame her beautiful features. “You’re really upset with me, aren’t you?” She asked.

Is she being serious?!

“Alyssa…” I started, still trying to find the right words to say. “How could you even think that? I could never be upset with you. I get where you came from for thinking that I cheated. Now that I think about it, it did look as if I was cheating, and I should be the one saying sorry for what I did. Not you. You were just trying to protect yourself from getting hurt. I can’t be mad at you for that. I mean, I wish you could have waited for me to explain, but that doesn’t mean that I’m upset with you.” I think I said everything perfectly well.

The worried expression never left her face. “But… how come you’re not mad at me? I sure would be. I should have just let you explain. It took me until now to finally realize that you never cheated. You didn’t even realize that you were hurting me. I… I don’t even know what to say. I was expecting you to stay away from me, not stay with me until I woke up.” She gestured towards my arms, still around her body.

Oh. Maybe she wanted me to let go of her… I immediately unwrapped my arms from around her body and looked at the ground. Just as I began to pull away, I felt her hands stop me. I looked back up at her and gave her a confused expression.

“Please don’t pull away…” She pleaded. It looked like she was about to cry…

I put my arms back in the position they were in and held on even tighter this time. “I thought you didn’t want me touching you.” I said. I rested my chin on top of her head.

“Of course not. I wouldn’t…” She stopped and sighed, her breathing was a bit shaky. “Joe, I had a dream that once I got out of the hospital, you gave up on me. Now that there was nothing that made us keep in touch, you left me and started dating the girl who I thought you were cheating on me with. It was a nightmare, Joe. And when I woke up, I felt your arm around me. I realized that you never left, even when I already found out that the baby was dead. You still never left.” She paused for a second to regain her breath. She was crying now, but I couldn’t figure out if it was from losing the baby, or from losing me. “Then it made me think about how you would never do anything to hurt me, especially since I was pregnant. It’s not like you to do something like that. And I can’t believe it took me this long to figure that out. I’m so sorry Joe.” This time she was weeping. Letting out sobs that were jut as bad as when she found out that she lost the baby. But this time, she was crying for me.

I just tightened my hold on her and dug my face into her hair. “Shh… baby its okay. I’m not mad. Don’t’ worry baby, please. I’m not mad. I still love you just the same. Please don’t cry…” I said into her hair.

Still crying, she looked up at me with a confused expression. “Y-you still l-love m-me?” She asked, then sniffled.

“Alyssa, of course I still love you. I mean, you should know me better than to think that I wouldn’t. Why else would I be here, holding you in my arms and never wanting to let go? I never stopped loving you, Alyssa. Not once did I stop myself and think it over if I still loved you the same. My love for you has not dimmed down. Alyssa, you are my life. You are my everything and I will always love you. That’s a promise.” I said to her. I meant every word that I said.

Her sobs quieted down and she smiled lightly up at me. “I love you, too Joe. I never stopped loving you, either. I was just… scared. I didn’t want to get hurt. I’m so sorry-“ I cut her off.

“Don’t be sorry, Alyssa. Please. You did nothing wrong. I’m sorry that I left you in the dirt to fend for yourself. I should have never done that. If anything, I should be the one who should be praying that you don’t’ hate me.” I laughed a little at the end, hopefully to end some of the tears that were still streaming down her face.

She smiled back; her tears weren’t coming down as hard anymore. She then took one of her hands and cupped my left cheek with it. She rubbed my cheek lightly with her thumb. I was getting dizzy just by her touch.

“How about neither of us be sorry for what we did, and just end it right here. I wan things to go back to normal, Joe. No more fighting. No more worrying, just pure love.” She paused for a second, her smile fading. “We can rely on each other for the loss…” She choked on the last word, obviously trying not to cry.

I smiled, trying to lighten the mood again. Then I nodded and said, “Yes. I’ll be more than happy to do that.” I felt a few tears burn my eyes as well.

Alyssa happily returned my smile, letting a few tears fall out of her eyes. “I love you Joe.”

My smile widened as my own tears fell down my cheeks. “You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting to hear that.”