Something Better

I tried to swim away. I tried moving my arms and legs as fast as they could go, straining myself to the point where I was blue in the face.

But I wasn’t moving. Not even and inch. I stayed right where I was while the fish quickly caught up to me. I tried to work my arms and legs harder, faster, but it still didn’t work. I stayed right in the middle of the blue ocean. And somehow I was breathing under the water…

I fish gained in on me as I started panting. I was scared for my life. I certainly did not want the fish to eat me alive. I’m too young to die. This just can’t possibly be how it’s supposed to end. I pictured myself getting old; sitting in a rocking chair next to my husband with my very own house. I would have grandchildren. I would have lived my life fully and to the extent. I would be happy. That’s how I pictured myself when I would die.

But no. Not right here. Not now. I still have so many things to accomplish in life. I’m just not ready to throw my life away like this.

The giant fish was now only inches away from me; opening its mouth to be able to swallow me whole. This just can’t be happening right now.

I stopped trying to swim away and crouched down into a tiny ball, readying myself for what was about to come next. Before I knew it, the fish’s mouth enclosed around me and everything was dark. Was I still alive? Did the fish swallow me already? How come there’s no pain?

“Babe, wake up.” I heard a distant voice say. I tried looking around, but there was nothing. The blackness was still all that I could see.

“Come on, Alyssa. Wake up baby.” The voice said again. Suddenly, in the distance, I could see a little white light getting closer and closer towards me.

Oh no. This was it. I was dying. I was going into the light and then I would die. That damn fish really had killed me and now I was going to die.

“Baby… Are you there?” The voice said for the last time before the light completely overcame the blackness and I was now staring into the bright light of death.

Someone was shaking me ever so slightly as I slowly started coming into consciousness. Phew… it was all just a dream. I must have fallen asleep when I laid down next to Joe.

“Alyssa, any day now would be nice. Please just wake up.” Joe’s voice rang through my head. It sounded like the softest bells ringing in perfect melody with each other in my head. It was only starting to make me feel sleepy all over again. This was the best wake up call ever!! Way better than hearing my stupid alarm clock going off and jolting me out of my beauty sleep.

I slowly opened my eyes to find the bright light engulf me all over again. I immediately closed them and groaned from the slight pain that shot through them.

“Finally, you’re awake.” I could hear the smile in Joe’s voice. I wanted to open my eyes so I could see his beautiful face, but I didn’t want the bright light to burn them again. So instead I just laughed and said, “Well I’m glad you’re happy.”

Ew… my voice sounded all harsh from the sleep. I hate that. It makes me feel like I’m turning into a monster and the transformation started by changing my voice. I know it’s a weird way to put it, but that’s seriously what it sounds like.

“Come on. We’ve got to get going. The doctors are kicking us out.” Joe said.

I scrunched my eyebrows together and thought for a moment. What did we do in order to get kicked out of a hospital? I mean really. Come on people, a hospital? “What did we do?” I asked; my eyes still closed.

“Well, we were supposed to leave as soon as you finished changing, but I accidentally fell asleep. Then when I woke up you were sleeping beside me. I didn’t want to wake you, and ten after a while Dr. Litzie was bugging me and telling me that they had other patients that needed a room and that we needed to leave immediately. He left and that’s when I started waking you up. But, why didn’t you just wake me up as soon as you came out of the bathroom? Were you tired?”

Aw man, I try to be nice and let Joe get some sleep for once but ended up getting the poor guy in trouble. This just puts the icing on the bitch cake for me. I seriously can’t do anything right. “I wanted to let you sleep because I know you’ve been up a lot since I was in the hospital. And, no I wasn’t tired, you just looked kind of comfy laying there sleeping peacefully, so I wanted to lie down next to you. I swear I didn’t even know I fell asleep.”

He laughed. “Aw, well thank you for caring about my lack of sleep. But I’m fine.” I felt him start to stroke my hair, since I couldn’t see him do it, since I still had my eyes closed. You’d think I would try and let them get used to the light by now, but no. Not me. I wouldn’t do that. Why? Because it would be the smart thing to do.

“If you keep on doing that I’m just going to fall asleep again.” I told him, smiling. I loved it when he stroked my hair, and he knew it. It was a quick and easy way to get me to calm down. For some reason it just makes me delirious…

Joe laughed at me. “Please don’t. We really need to get going before they actually get body guards to come in here and kick us out.” He chuckled and stopped stroking my hair. I felt the bed move and the warmth from Joe’s body went away. He probably got up.

Ugh… I guess I have to open my eyes now.

I opened my eyes ever so slightly so I was squinting. I wanted to get used to the brightness of the plain room. “Come on Alyssa. Get up.”

“Jeez. Calm down! I was just sleeping so I need some time to fully wake up before I start moving. I don’t want to trip and fall or anything. I’ve had enough of the hospital already. I really don’t want to come back here.” I said, sitting up.

“Like being fully awake would actually help you be more stable. You’d still fall on your ass even if you were wide awake.” Joe said, smirking at me.

I opened my eyes a little more, but just enough to be ale to glare at him. “You suck.” I said.

“But you know it’s true.” He laughed at me and grabbed both of my hands in each of his. He tugged a little to help me get off the bed. I tried to stand up, but started laughing at the same time. I mean, how could you not at me? It is true. I don’t have to be sleep walking in order to be clumsy. That’s just my natural self.

“See? I told you it’s true!” Joe said, laughing along with me.

“Shut your face and help me up.” I said. Joe pulled harder this time and I found the strength to stand up. When I did, I suddenly felt big, warm arms around my body, hugging me tight. Obviously they were Joe’s; he just caught m off guard.

As soon as I was about ask him what the hell he was doing, he whispered, “You know I love you?” ever so softly in my ear. I felt the blood rush to my cheeks and a huge smile overtook my face. This boy was so incredibly random, but that’s what I love about him.

“Yes I do.” I whispered back and wrapped my arms around Joe’s upper body. We stayed like that for a few minutes, enjoying the silence. That’s the other thing I loved about him. When there are moments like this, you really don’t need to talk. The silence just says enough, and not in a bad way. We’ve known each other for so long that there really are no such things as uncomfortable silences. Even if we just said that we loved each other would be enough conversation to fill all the silences in the world.

Joe suddenly sighed. “I would love to stay like this forever, but we really need to get going. Either the hospital will kick us out, or we’ll miss the surprise.” He said, breaking away from the hug.

I sort of just stood there while he grabbed my stuff so we could leave. What did he mean by ‘we’ll miss the surprise?’ Wait, so we have to be there at a certain time? Where is he taking me exactly? I was just thinking he might take me out to dinner or something. Unless he has reservations… Oh. Now that makes sense.

Wow… I feel like such a dumb ass right now. There are actually a lot of things we could do where we have to be there at a certain time. So why did I think he was taking me somewhere extra special when he said that we might miss the surprise? I have absolutely no idea…

“Alyssa? Are you there? Earth to Alyssa!” Joe was waving his hand in front of my face when I finally noticed he was trying to get my attention.

I shook my head, trying to get it clear again. “Sorry. I spaced out there.”

“Wow. Thank you for that clarification because I had no idea that you were spacing out. I could have sworn that you were here on earth with me the entire time.” Joe said sarcastically.

“Oh, ha ha. You’re so funny Joe.” I said flatly, glaring at him. He just laughed and grabbed my hand, leading me out of the hospital room. Luckily, I was walking better now. So I didn’t have to count on Joe to hold on to me the entire way. Even though I would love it if he did that, I also like the feeling of being independent. I would just rather walk on my own than being a little drama queen and have Joe carry me everywhere I went. Then I’d just be a helpless retard…

When we reached the car, Joe opened my door for me. I slowly got in (because of my bad stomach muscles) and he closed the door. When he got in on his side, he threw my stuff in the backseat and then started the car. He turned towards me.

“Ready to be surprised?” He said in a little kid’s voice and smiled like a goof ball.

I just had to laugh at him, even though I still wasn’t too happy about the whole ‘surprise’ thing. “No, not really, but I think I’ll be just fine. I mean, I’m not melting or anything, so that should be a good sign. Right?”

Joe laughed at me this time. “Believe me; it’ll be worth the wait. I don’t care how much you hate surprises; this one will be super duper special.” He put the car in drive and drove us out of the hospital parking lot they had in the front. I thought I’d never finally be out of here!!

“Whatever you say, Joe.” I said. We were on the road and heading towards my ‘surprise!’ How fun. I’m so excited that I could jump off the Empire State Building without being afraid at all.

If you didn’t note the huge amount of sarcasm in that last sentence, then you need to go see a doctor immediately.

One Hour Later

Joe and I were still on the highway, driving to our destination. I had my elbow propped up on the windowsill in the passenger seat with my chin in the palm of my hand. I was beyond annoyed at this point. Over an hour in a car with Joe. Before this I would have thought that it sounded like a wonderful idea.

NOT! He keeps on trying to talk to me. And I feel bad, considering that I won’t talk back to him and I’m all grouchy and stuff. But can you blame me? I don’t even want to be here in the first place! But yet here I am, driving towards our ‘surprise’ place, and Joe annoying the hell out of me. Even if he is trying to be nice, it’s bugging me.

I suddenly saw Joe get off an exit and stop at a red light. My head jerked towards him and I asked, “Are we finally almost there?!”

Joe kept looking straight ahead. “No. I just had to get off that exit so this way I can get on another freeway that leads in a better direction towards the surprise. We actually still have a while to go.” The light turned green and we drive down the busy, unfamiliar street.

I threw my hands up in the air. “What the hell?! Why did you have to pick a place so far away?! We could have just gone somewhere that was closer! I want to get out of this car already!!” I fell back in my seat dramatically.

Out of nowhere, Joe started laughing hysterically. He was laughing so hard that within a few seconds, he was crying. Does he seriously find my misery funny?! How rude… Oh yeah, I feel so loved around here.

I whipped my head around to glare at Joe. “What is so funny?” I asked through my teeth.

We pulled up to another red light. Joe had a chance to compose himself before he answered my question. He’s just having a field day, isn’t he?! “Dude-“ He said in between breaths, “I was just kidding. We are almost there. I just wanted to mess with you.” He then burst into another fit of laughter.

Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t throw him through the windshield right now.

“This surprise had better be good, Joe. Because if it doesn’t make me regret what I’m about to do to you now, then I will paralyze you from the waist down.” I told him seriously. And I mean every word.

Joe stopped laughing and turned towards me with a scared look on his face. “Dude, calm down. I was only joking. No need to get all worked up.” He raised and eyebrow at me.

I was about to say something totally uncalled for, but I bit my tongue and fought the urge to do so.

Someone honked their horn behind us. Both Joe and I looked ahead to see that the light was green. He immediately sped off since we were creating a line behind us. I kept my focus on the road in front of us, watching it disappear under the car. I started to think about the surprise.

Was it really as good as Joe said it was? It’s hard to judge, since Joe knows me all too well and what I like and don’t like. But, what if I don’t like it and I really hate it? I don’t want to make Joe feel bad for going through all this trouble just to give me a stupid surprise. I don’t want to hurt his feelings… I mean, poor guy has to put up with me and my bipolar-ness. I can be so mean sometimes. I really think I need to have that checked out by a doctor or something, maybe take some medication that will actually make me a nice person. And I don’t even know if I can lie to Joe about liking it. I don’t like to lie to people. I don’t know, it just bothers me. Another reason why I’m so mean. I tell the straight up truth, and if it’s something bad, oh well. Still truth it is.

But he seems so positive about it. I mean, the entire time after the split-up all he ever talks about is how much I’ll love the surprise and how I’ll completely forget everything bad that ever happened because it’s just SO great. I really hope he’s right. If anything, I’m sure I’ll love it just because Joe put so much thought and work into it. Anything he ever does for me, I love.

Just as I was rambling on to myself about the surprise, the car suddenly stopped and turned off. Everything was quiet as I looked around my surroundings to figure out where we were.

There was a dock in front of us with some buildings on either side, a pretty busy place considering all the people that were walking around everywhere. A few docks down, there was this big ship that looked to be like some kind of cruise thing. It was really big. Like maybe something you would go on with-

Wait a minute… Is this the surprise? The cruise ship? I looked over at Joe to see him smiling at me with this loving look in his eyes.

NO FUCKING WAY!!!!! HE’S TAKING ME ON A CRUISE?!?!

I could feel the smile lighting up my face as Joe’s smile also got bigger. I couldn’t even say anything. I was speechless. No wonder he was so worked up about how great it was and how much work he put into it. He was just probably making sure that everything was perfect for when we arrived.

I feel like such a bitch now!! I was mean and crabby to him the whole time, splitting up with him just because he wanted to take me on a cruise. Do honestly know how that makes me feel? Crappy. Like pure dog shit. And not the normal brown kind. I’m talking the whole 20 yards, like the runny kind with green mixed in there somewhere. That’s how I feel right now.

“Joe… I honestly don’t know what to say. This is incredible. I feel like complete shit for what I did to-“

Joe put his finger to my lips and cut me off. “Shh. You don’t have to say anything. Just tell me you love me and ten we can get our stuff and get on the ship.” He lifted his finger away and stared at me. His smile was gone.

The smile o my face grew even bigger as I said, “I love you.”

A new smile reappeared on Joe’s face. Showing off his perfectly white, straight teeth.