Something Better

Joe popped open the trunk of his car and grabbed both of our bags. I grabbed a quick carry-on that was just a little rainbow- colored sack that slung over my shoulder. Joe, trying to be a macho-man, carried our suitcases onto the ship.

There was this runway looking strip of wood that lead all the passengers onto the ship. Then this huge deck outlined the outer part of the ship, where everyone would be most of the time. So there were some benches here and there, along with some shops and bars and spas where the people could hang out. This was more of an adult ship, so no kids really ever came on.

Joe and I decided that we would go up to our room first before we start looking around the ship. We at least needed to drop our bags off, and by the look of it Joe was in a hurry to get rid of the bags.

There were double doors that lead to inside of the ship when you first got on. We entered those, and found ourselves in a marvelous looking cruise ship. I couldn’t even finish walking through the entrance, it was so grand. I just stood there in awe while other people filtered in around me, bumping and yelling at me to move so they could enter themselves. I honestly could care less what the other people were saying at the moment. This has got to be the coolest thing that has ever happened to me. And the best part is, is that I get to spend this awesomely amazing vacation with the love of my life. Could this possibly get any better?!

I faintly heard Joe say something on my left. I turned to look at him and saw that he had an amused smirk on his face. Was he talking to me?

“Huh?” I asked.

Joe laughed at me and said, “I’ll take that as a yes.” He started walking to an elevator that would lead us to our rooms. I tried to hurry and catch up with him.

“No seriously, what did you say? I didn’t hear you.” I grabbed onto his shoulder to let him know I was there in case he didn’t hear me amongst the other people waiting for the elevator. He laughed and looked at me again.

“I asked you if you liked the place. Then I took your “Huh” as a ‘yes’ since you didn’t hear me because you were making googly eyes at the ship.” He had a knowing smile on his face.

I gave him a weird look and turned the left side of my upper lip up in confusion. “Googly eyes? What the hell?” At that we both started laughing at how ridiculous that sounded.

Once I recollected myself, I said, “But to answer your question, yes. I absolutely love it here. It’s just so beautiful. I never even thought in my wildest dreams that I would ever come on a cruise like this.” I looked around and waved my hand to show him how beautiful it actually was, and then looked back at him. “Thank you so much, Joe. You have no idea how much this means to me.”

Joe smiled and got closer to me. He put his chin on top of my head in the best effort to give me a hug, since his hands were full. “I’m glad you like it.” He said, and then kissed the top of my head. He let his lips linger there, making the top of my head feel extra warm just in that one spot.

Unfortunately, our little moment was broken because it was time for us to get on the elevator. It was big enough to hold around twenty people and was made of glass so you could enjoy the scenery as you waited for your stop.

I wrapped my arms around Joe’s neck once we got on so I could keep him close to me. He didn’t rebel, but placed his right cheek on top of my head as he looked out of the elevator’s glass walls and we slowly made our way to the topmost floor, which was the fourth floor, stopping every now and again for the passengers who needed to get out on different floors.

When we finally got out of the elevator, I shoved through everybody and ran over to the railing to look over and see what it looked like from the top floor. The view was absolutely gorgeous. It was pretty high up, and that made it all the more fun to look down from.

Joe came over and stood next to me. “I’m really sorry to interrupt your little moment, but can we go site-seeing later? Because my arms are about to fall off.” I looked over at him and laughed at how he was struggling to hold our entire luggage.

“Oh, but I thought you were macho man.” I said, teasing him. I puffed out my arms and chest and put on a mean look, trying to act like a wrestler.

“Oh, ha, ha. You’re so funny. I can barely contain my laughter.” Joe said and rolled his eyes.

I laughed again and patted his shoulder. “I was just playing around. You know I love you.” I then gave him a goofy smile.

We headed down one of the halls on the fourth floor and looked around until we finally found our suite. “638. Here we are.” I turned towards Joe. “Do you have the key?”

He let out an exasperated sigh. “Damnit.” He immediately dropped everything from his arms with a loud ‘thud’ and started fishing around in his pockets. “Found it.” He went over to the door and unlocked it. Then he moved to the side so this way I could step in. I took a few steps into the room and stopped dead in my tracks, for the second time today. This suite was AMAZING!!! It had everything a normal house would have, even its own little kitchen down the hall! You first walked in to the dining room/living room area.

Again, all I could do what gape at the scene before me. Joe trudged in beside me, dropped the bags, and closed the door. He threw the key on the dining room table and said, “Wow. It looks way better than it did on the computer screen.” He let out a tiny chuckle.

I slowly turned my body towards Joe, my mouth still open wide from amazement. “Dude!” I screamed. “This is AMAZING!!”

Joe’s smile faltered and he looked at me with a disappointed look. “Aw, really? You don’t like it? Oh well, I guess we’ll just have to leave then.” He went over to our suitcases and started picking them up again. I thought he was just joking around, so I rolled my eyes at him. That is, until he grabbed the room key off the table and headed for the door again. What the hell is this boy doing?!

“Joe!” I yelled.

He quickly turned around and said, “Hm?” As if nothing was wrong.

“What the fuck are you doing?! I said the room looked amazing! So why are you trying to give me a heart attack-“

“Alyssa. Calm down, I was just kidding.” He laughed and dropped our suitcases to the floor again. Then he held out his arms to me with a pouty face. “Don’t I get a hug for being the bestest boyfriend in the whole wide world?” He asked in a baby voice.

I couldn’t help myself. I squealed and ran up to Joe and jumped in his arms. He spun me around in circles. “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” I kept saying over and over again.

After a while, Joe finally set me down on my feet. He smiled down at me with a loving smile. “You know I’d do anything for you.” He took his right hand and stroked my hair while looking deeply into my eyes. “I love you so much, Alyssa.”

I swear my heart just stopped beating. This always happens whenever he tells me he loves me. There’s just something in his voice that’s so sincere; so truthful. You could easily tell that he means every word he says. I think that’s what makes me the most happy. He’s not just putting on some show and saying things so this way he could get in my pants again and then go run off with another girl.

As I looked deeply into Joe’s eyes, I thought of the last time we made love. How sweet and memorable it was. How he held me afterward and stroked my hair as we talked.

And then I remembered what that lead to. Me becoming pregnant.

Me losing the baby…

I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I didn’t want to think about this right now. This is supposed to be a happy time for Joe and I, not some place where we can think about how terrible it was when I lost the baby; how depressing it was for us both…

I looked away from Joe, trying to fight back the tears. I absolutely cannot cry right now. What is wrong with me?! Ruining a perfect moment like we just had… I’m such a moron.

“Please tell me those are tears of joy.” I heard Joe say quietly. I guess as I was silently rambling on to myself, tears fell down my cheeks without me knowing. And are still falling.

Psh, I wish these were tears of joy.

I shook my head quietly as I felt more tears fall. “No.” I whispered. “I’m happy.” I looked at Joe and tried to smile the best I could. It probably didn’t look that good though, what with my trembling chin and all. And I mean, I’m not exactly lying. I am happy, just not about what I was thinking about a few seconds ago.

You know, this would be a really great time to be able to use a time remote to be able to go back in time and prevent myself from ever thinking about the baby. I would go back in time and tell myself to think about Joe and only Joe, nothing else. Somebody really needs to invent one of those. It would be like, the best invention ever.

“Babe, what’s on your mind?”

Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry…

Fuck this. I sucked back the tears and stood up straight. I’m fed up with myself. I seriously need to stop being over dramatic about everything. I think I need to see a psychiatrist about my issues. “You know what? It doesn’t matter. It’s fine. Perfectly fine. I’m okay. Nothing’s wrong. There’s no-“

“Alyssa,” Joe cut me off, “I think I know you enough by now to know when something’s wrong. Stop trying to be brave for me. I’m here for you. I… You know you can tell me anything, right?”

“Of course.” I answered a little too quickly.

“Then if you can tell me anything, why don’t you tell me what’s wrong?”

He makes it sound so easy! And it would be for him, of course, since he is able to move on with his life and forget the past. But oh no, not for me. I have to be the one who never lets anything go. I have to be the one who is over dramatic about every single little thing. Of course it’s me!! Why wouldn’t it be me?!

I sighed. “It’s just a simple mistake, Joe. I don’t want to ruin this trip with my stupid thoughts. My mind just started to wander off somewhere for a second and I got carried away. Okay? Now can we please just forget about it before I have another break down?” I looked up at him with pleading eyes.

Joe studied me for a minute, as if trying to read my mind and see what was actually going on in there. Psh, trust me. Nobody would want to read my mind, even if they had the power to. All they would have to do is read one sentence in there and then they would run away screaming. My mind is way too confusing and complicated for anyone, even me!

But if he really did have mind-reading powers, that would totally suck balls.

Joe sighed and finally gave in. “Alright. I’ll let it be. Just so long as you’re sure it won’t bother you the rest of the trip. I hate to see you unhappy, and this is our special time. If something’s wrong, I’d rather fix it right away.”

I smiled up at him. “It’s already forgotten.”

Joe returned my smile. “Good. Now come on, let’s go unpack so we could get stared on the best week of our lives.”

Joe, again, grabbed our luggage as I grabbed my carry-on bag and we both headed up the windy stairs to our room.

Little did I know, this was going to be the worst week of both of our lives…