Just to Hold You Close and Tight

“Ray the person doesn’t really exist anymore,” Ray said sourly.

I grinned. “I get a glimpse of him sometimes.”

Ray grunted.

“Anyways, how old are you?” I asked.

“I think I’m considered seventeen,” he said, unsure. “When I… died in May, I was seventeen. My birthday was in July, but I don’t think I got older.”

“I’m seventeen,” I said. “I’ll be eighteen on September 21st.”

Ray nodded. “I expected something like that. I knew you were a senior.”

I tried to think of what to ask Ray next. I could think of a few good questions, but I wasn’t sure which ones would hurt. “So… What do you do all day?”

Ray pressed his lips together before saying, “Usually I check up on my family and friends. You know, visit my parents at work, make sure my friends are doing okay and staying out of trouble.”

“That’s pretty nice,” I said.

He shrugged, saying, “I don’t have much else to do. At night and when I’m really bored in the day, I go into the forest.”

“Why?” I asked curiously.

“The animals,” he replied, smiling. “Some of them can see me, but they never run away. It’s like they know I won’t touch them.”

“Can you touch them?” I asked, surprised.

Ray frowned. “I can only touch the ones that can see me, but I never do.”

I saw a flicker of some unknown emotion on his face. When I finally realized what it was caused by, I said, “Oh. I get it. You thought that maybe because I can see you, it would be different.”

“I hoped,” he admitted.

I felt very sorry for him and wanted to comfort him, but I didn’t know how. I would have hugged one of my normal friends, but Ray was far from normal. “I’m sorry,” I said weakly, looking at him apologetically.

“Don’t be,” he said. “It’s all my fault.”

He stopped, but I looked at him curiously, prodding him to continue. Would I finally get to know how he died? I felt bad about it, but I was morbidly curious.

He understood my look and sighed. “Are you sure you want to know?”

I nodded.

“Fine,” he said, giving in. “I went to a party, and I drank. I drank a lot, and so did my friends. When I was driving home, I didn’t see the truck coming. I’m just glad none of my friends were in the car with me.”

I raised my eyebrows slightly. “A truck?”

His eyes rose from the floor to stare into mine. “If you must know all the details, I wasn’t wearing my seat belt. After being crushed and breaking most of my bones, I slid across the street for a good twenty feet.”

I winced. I didn’t think he was the kind of person to exaggerate. “After that?”

“I didn’t die for a few minutes,” he continued, his face empty of any feeling. “I remember the last breath I took. Then I think I was in heaven, or close to it. It was bright, but… Well, bright isn’t the right word. It was bold. So many colors, each standing out perfectly, sharp and focused. But then it dulled, and I was looking down at my mangled body.” A shudder broke through his control.

I shuddered too. I didn’t know how to respond.

“It’s late,” Ray said suddenly. “You don’t want to be tired tomorrow.”

I looked at the clock. It was eleven already. “You’re right,” I said. Then something occurred to me. “I’ll wake up earlier and walk to school tomorrow. Will you walk with me?” I went to my clock and set my alarm.

“Sure,” he said, nodding. Without another word, he walked out of my room and through the wall.

I rolled my eyes and shook my head at his strange behavior, and then got ready for bed.