What Happens Under The Sun

''Derek! Thanks so much for actually coming.'' I said as I stood up. I'd gotten to the coffee shop about five minutes before him.

Much to my surprise, he pulled me into a tight hug. I was a little stunned at first but then I hugged him back.

We sat down and I slid my chair around the table so that I was next to him instead of across from him. Derek looked at me, his dark brown eyes burning holes in my face.

''I wanted to apologize for what happened the other day. I shouldn't have left you like that; it was so mean I can't even begin to describe it. And for how you had to find out about Tom and me.'' I said, folding my hands on the table in front of me.

''I sort of knew.'' Derek said and I furrowed my eyebrows.

''Jordan found this magazine the other day and it had this huge picture of you and him and I read the little article about how you had apparently slept together. I knew it had happened, I just didn't know it was an ongoing thing.'' He finished.

''I have to get one thing straight before I go any further. There was no romance between me and Tom, it was purely sex. And the whole week I was with you I didn't even see him. I really like you Derek.'' I told him.

''I really like you too Kate. I just wish you would have told me that there was someone else so that when it came down to it, it wasn't such a slap in the face.''

''I know and I'm sorry.'' I said, hanging my head.

He took a deep breath.

''If I didn't care so much about you then I probably wouldn't be able to say that I forgive you, but I do care and I do forgive you. I've decided that if I'm going to loose you it's not going to be because I couldn't let go of a stupid grudge. I know I haven't know you for the longest time and I know you're not my girlfriend but you mean a lot to me Kate.'' He said, putting his hands over my folded ones on the table.

I looked up and saw his beautiful eyes staring deeply back into my own. This was the moment I'd been waiting for; the moment where I'd make a decision purely based on how I was feeling at this particular moment in time.

I knew that any second now he was going to ask. He would as me to choose and even if he didn't say it directly or even out loud, I knew I'd have to give him my answer, my choice. But how in the hell was I going to make that choice? I still didn't know and was currently relying on my heart to do the right thing, or at least what seemed like the right thing at the time.

Even though I was leaving the final verdict up to my heart, my head was racing with possibilities, opinions, and memories. The memories were especially hard to deal with because they reminded me of all the things I had ever felt for either of the boys, except they reminded me all at once. I didn't know I could feel so many things at once. I thought I was going to explode.

I knew that they were only adding to the chaos in my head but I couldn't seem to stop the memories from flooding my mind at a thousand miles a minute.

They centered –obviously- on the two boys that this who ordeal was about. There were more Tom memories than there were Derek ones, but it didn't seem to matter, they were just as powerful.

A lot of the Tom memories came from our time at the resort. I didn't think that what Tom and I had then should be taken into account in this particular matter, after all, it was only when I got back that I met Derek. But I just couldn't stop the movie of island memories that played through my head.

''Kate, this isn't easy for me, but I need to know how you really feel. If we're going to be together I can't settle for half of you. I need to know if it's going to be me or him.'' Derek said and a thousand mixed memories filled my head like cotton.

''Kate?'' he said, his voice suddenly unclouding my head. I looked at him, suddenly very responsive.

''Me or him?'' he asked, his eyes burning into mine.

A thousand voices started screaming inside my head, all telling me what I should do. But this wasn't up to my head; I was looking to my heart for this one. I took a deep breath and then opened my mouth.

''I'm sorry Derek, I just can't give him up.'' Even though I said them, it was as though I was hearing someone else say the words.

Part of me was in shock while another part of me rejoiced, and another part was furious. I wasn't sure which part I was going to side with just yet.

Derek hadn't said anything yet. He was still looking at me, but he didn't appear to be actually seeing me. It didn't look like he was seeing anything. My head was still racing with the thoughts of what I had just done and I felt a tear roll down my cheek.

''You know Kate, you say there's no romance between the two of you, but you're pretty quick to pick him over me.'' Derek finally said, pushing his chair back from the table. I could see the hurt in his eyes and it pulled painfully on my heartstrings. But I didn’t change my answer.

''I'm sorry.'' I said although it was hardly audible.

''Goodbye Kate.'' He said and then turned towards the door.

He crossed the café and left through the front door, the little bell jingling on his way out. Tears started to fall down my face in streams.

What did I do?