Do Mine Eyes Deceive Me...A Gorgeous Sadistic Vampire?

I strode up to the stage in front of what seemed like a million immortal faces. The entire ICOI was there, along with everyone Devlin had ever known. In his farewell notes, he'd asked me to sing at his funeral. The song choice was up to me, though.

Dear Joan Rivers,
I love you, and I think you know that. I'm sure Harrison, the hero that he is to you, has already told you the truth. I aroused some violent wild immortals, and I'm sure by now they've finished me off. It wasn't suicide, and I didn't do it for you. Besides, it's not as if loverboy vamp wouldn't have come and finish me off anyway.
I want you to know that I never meant to hurt you, I only wanted you to love me as much as I did you, so I did whatever I had to, which in the process hurt you anyway. You saw the good side of me, Joan.
I was a much worse being before I met you, but every kiss we shared made me the hybrid I was when I was burned. I can only ask one favor of you.
I know I don't deserve it, but would you sing for me, Joan? One last time, at my funeral? I hope you will do me the honor.
Since I know, Harrison is there with you and reading this over your shoulder, I would like to ask this question of him. Harrison, I hope you know how lucky you are. For reasons unfathomable to me, the woman in front of you cares about you more than she ever did me. Take care of her, or my devil of a spirit will haunt you eternally.
With love,
Devlin Calhoun.

I remembered Harrison's reaction to the letter, which was only about twenty-four hours ago.

"Who leaves a threat in their farewell letter?" he'd spat.

Apparently, immortals really knew how to pull together a quick event. Mine and Harrison's coming out party had turned into a funeral.

It had embarrassed me to a point of mortification when Harrison had read the part about me being crazy about him. How dare Devlin?

Now, as I stood on stage, preparing to sing a song for a man who didn't deserve it, I hated myself. I hated myself because I still loved him through all that he'd done to me. A part of me wouldn't ever let go of Devlin, so I hoped this genuinely endearing song would help me to rid myself of that infatuation.

I spent the morning at an old friend's grave
Flowers and 'Amazing Grace', he was a good man
He spent his whole life spinning his wheels
Never knowing how the real thing feels
He never took a chance or took the time to dance
And I stood there thinking, as I said goodbye
Today is the first day of the rest of my life

I'm gonna stop looking back and start moving on
Learn how to face my fears
Love with all of my heart, make my mark
I wanna leave something here
Go out on a ledge, without any net
That's what I'm gonna be about
Yeah, I wanna be running
When the sand runs out

Cause people do it everyday
Promise themselves they're gonna change
I've been there, but I'm changing from the inside out
That was then and this is now
I'm a new woman, yeah, I'm a brand new woman
And when they carve my stone, they'll write these words
"Here lies a woman who lived life for all that it's worth"

I'm gonna stop looking back and start moving on
And learn how to face my fears
Love with all of my heart, make my mark
I wanna leave something here
Go out on a ledge, without any net
That's what I'm gonna be about
Yeah, I wanna be running
When the sand runs out

And as the cold wind blows across the graveyard
I think I hear the voice of my old friend, whisper in my ear

I'm gonna stop looking back and start moving on
And learn how to face my fears
Love with all of my heart and make my mark
I wanna leave something here
Go out on a ledge, without any net
That's what I'm gonna be about
Yeah, I wanna be running
When the sand runs out
I wanna be running
When the sand runs out
Yes I do, mmm

I stepped down from the platform and felt the tears release themselves from my ducts. There had actually been a ceremonial burial this morning, with flowers. I wasn't so sure about the Amazing grace, but it was part of the song. I hadn't cried this morning. I hadn't cried at all. I didn't want to give that to Devlin.

But this was the night of my transformation. This was the night of my undeath. Everyone in the room clapped as a pair of cold, comforting hands escorted me from the room. I was asked to make a speech, if possible, but that song was enough. I didn't owe him anything.

"Crouch down, Joanalie. Put your head between your knees and breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth," came the soothing murmur of Harrison's voice in my ear. I then realized I had been hyperventilating and that's why he was giving these dramatic instructions.

"I'm sorry," I sobbed hysterically, embarrassing myself further. "I-I know that he d-doesn't deserve the sorrow, b-but I can't help it. He t-tricked me into getting c-close to him."

"I know," he smoothed out my hair, and helped me to my feet after I'd calmed down. "It's not your fault. Like he said, he was different around you. He changed for the better."

I nodded my head and pulled my hands out of his grasp. He hadn't responded to what Devlin had wrote in his letter about me liking him so much. I could only be happy to know that he cared for me now. That would be enough. It was more than I could have hoped for.

"You know what time it is now?" he asked carefully, pulling away from me, too.

"Time to change into a vampire?" I said, looking up wide-eyed.

He nodded. "Do you think you're okay to ride on me?"

"Sure," I said reassuringly, but was definitely not thinking this was a good idea. Everything had changed in such a short amount of time. I had been kissing Devlin and worrying about how to balance out the two men.

Now, none of that mattered. There was obviously no chance in hell of Harrison loving me, and Devlin was gone. I'd drove him to that stake, where he was burned willingly.

Harrison crouched down a bit and I stood still as he hoisted me onto his back. I was too weary to put effort into anything at this point. I was about to become a vampire and spend eternity with my husband who didn't want to actually be my spouse. I'd just lost the only being who'd ever loved me, and I still ignorantly loved him back, even after all he'd done to me.

I closed my eyes tightly, feeling the nauseating sensation of free falling, and then it was over. I felt my feet hit the floor after Harrison had landed and I was able to slide off of his back.

"When was the last time, you ate?" he said, pushing open the monumental wooden doors. "It's eleven 'o clock now."

"Lunch time," I answered dully.

"Okay, good. We have to get into the coffin at midnight, after you've fasted for twelve hours," he explained.

"Coffin!?" I said, suddenly fully alert and charismatic. "Dev - I mean . . . nobody ever said anything about getting into a coffin! I thought vampires didn't sleep, or even use coffins for that matter!"

I was back in hysterics, as I followed Harrison through the confusing maze of passages and corridors in his, excuse me, our house. Even after I became immortal, I doubted I would ever be able to find my way.

"We don't, except in the case of potentials becoming full vampires. We have to be in there together until the sun comes out and goes back down again. The process could go terribly wrong if the maker, i.e. me, weren't in there with the potential. It's got something to do with the blood transfusion, I think. During the process, I will have complete control over you, but it's only to be used to make you stay still so that the pain won't be so intense," he explained nervously. I could tell he wasn't comfortable with the 'sleeping together' sentiment. Great, now I was a disease, too.

"Oh, Okay," I said quietly, turning a sniffle into a sneeze. It was just all so wrong. Everything had gone down hill from the moment I'd stepped into my own party. I thought it was supposed to be, well certainly not one of the best nights of my life because I was sort of planning on taking Harrison out (and not on a date), but one of the most memorable. I remembered hoping beyond hope that he would have some great explanation somewhere deep inside of me. I was just so angry on the surface, my inner chambers didn't get much say in the matter.

"Here it is," he gestured toward a black door with lots of intricate carvings on the wooden surface. He held it open for me and I walked in.

The room was dark. Really, like I couldn't see anything. "Ahem" I coughed. "Harrison, I can't see anything. I'm not a vampire yet, remember?"

"Sorry, hold on," he apologized. I listened for the sound of feet shuffling to turn on a light, but it never came. Instead, candles began lighting themselves all around the room. I didn't see that it was actually Harrison, graceful as ever, flitting around the room lighting them. "Better?"

"Yeah, thanks," I said.

This was still not romantic. I now saw that most of the room was decorated in red, except for the long, slightly narrow, black coffin in the dead center of the room. The floor was dressed in soft, red, carpeting, the walls done up in red satin, and there was once couch. I sat on its silky crimson material, and Harrison stood, leaning against the intimidating coffin. This was why it wasn't romantic. We were talking to each other like two strangers who'd just met and didn't know what to think of each other yet.

"So now we just wait here for an hour until we have to get into that?" I asked, just to clarify the obvious.

"That's the plan," he said, nodding his head.

Then, that was it. Not a single word was again spoken for the next sixty minutes. He didn't even move a millimeter. I, on the other hand, stretched out on the couch and made myself comfortable. I was still in the red dress with the slit across the navel! Through all the hustle and bustle, I'd completely forgotten to change. I hadn't slept at all since the party, and this was the first time I'd been back to the house since before all of that. The last time I'd been in this house was with Devlin.

I really needed to stop thinking about him. It couldn't be healthy for me.

"It's time, Joanalie," he said, finally moving. Joanalie. It was probably the sixth or seventh time he'd said my full name, but this time it really sunk in how much I missed it. He'd made me love my name and the way it sounded coming from his lips.

He slid the lid off and I began to climb in, not wasting any time. I'd had enough of the silence and knew that once I was in there, I'd be able to sleep at least. And I was unbearably starving!

"Um, I think I should go first . . ." he suggested, offering me his hand to step back out of the coffin.

"Why?" I asked. I figured he'd have to be on top to prevent me from, like thrashing around and killing myself against the hard surface of the lid. Wait . . . on top? I hadn't thought about what position we'd be in. Now, I realized it would be one on top of the other.

"I'll crush you otherwise," he explained.

"But . . . I'm heavy," I protested. I didn't want all of my weight to be on him! Haven't I already had enough embarrassment?

"Ha!" he barked. "No, Joanalie, you're not. Don't be ridiculous."

I rolled my eyes, but got out and let him situate first. I watched him lie down and then he was still.

"Okay, your turn," he said, hesitant.

"How do you want me to . . ." I wasn't sure how to ask the question. This was the most awkward and uncomfortable situation I'd ever been in.

His hands whipped out of the caution and caught me around the waist before hauling me over the edge into a laying position on top of his stony body.

"Problem solved," he laughed. Of course he would get a personality now, when I was about to fall asleep on top of him . . . typical.

He reached over me to close the lid and then everything was silent. I rearranged, trying to not move too much but failing horribly. Regardless, the result was the same. We ended up, abdomen to abdomen so that I could rest my chin on his chest and stare into the spot that I figured his eyes were. It was pitch black in here, just to let you know.

"Things aren't right," he said.

I went into panic mode. "What? What do you mean? With the transmutation? It's not going to work? Am I going to die? Harrison, I-"

"Calm down, Joanalie," he said, his voice deep and calming. I immediately shut up. "I meant with us."

"Oh," I said. "Yeah, I know."

"I want to fix it," he continued.

"How do you figure on going about that?"

"Have I told you how beautiful you look in that dress?" he asked me. I was confused. I'd been wearing this for over 24 hours with him, and he hadn't said a thing about it to my utter disappointment.

"No. You haven't actually said much of anything to me," I said, trying not to sound like a four-year-old sulking.

"I thought you wanted your space because of everything with . . . Devlin," I could tell he had to struggle to say his name without vehemence.

"I cared about Devlin, but he's gone now. He did a horrible thing . . . to the both of us, right? I was so quiet because I thought you were - well, I thought you were mad at me," I whispered.

"Why in the world would I be mad at you, Joanalie?" he asked incredulously.

"Because I fell for his trap. I was stupid and vulnerable, and gullible, and ignorant!" I cried out quietly. I was afraid if I spoke too loud the echo would hurt my ears.

"Stop it. I thought I told you none of this was your fault! Joanalie, I left you with him after breaking your jaw. Don't you remember? I know I was on probation, but I chose him," Harrison tried to explain.

"This isn't going anywhere," I told him. "We're both going to go on blaming ourselves and not giving into the other. I can be just as stubborn as any of you immortals." And pretty soon, I would be one.

"Was what Devlin wrote in his note true?" Harrison said timidly. "About you . . . and me."

I can't believe he seriously asked that. I was having a hard time controlling myself right now just because he was so close, and his voice so seductive. I wanted to run my fingers through his hair and never let go. I wanted to feel those cherry-red lips against mine and I wanted to be with him forever.

"Don't make me answer that," I swallowed and heard him sigh in frustration. So he finally knew for sure. I suspected that he always had a fair-sized inkling of my feelings, but now he was absolutely positive. And he was frustrated with me. "It hurts more than you know."

"What's that supposed to mean," he demanded. "Dammit, Joanalie, don't you understand? I'm a bad person! I've done horrible things to you. You can't possibly feel that way about me. I just . . ." he trailed off.

"Does it matter now anyway?" I asked, as I felt something within me start to tingle. The clock had just struck twelve, I knew. "We're 'married' anyway, but you don't want anything to do with me, so I'll just trail after you like a pathetically lost cause forever and you can go on living you life, or whatever it is that I'm about to be damned to!"

"You don't think I feel that way about you?" he asked quietly.

Suddenly, the silence was overwhelming, and the tingle in my body turned into a dull throbbing. My entire being felt off and prickly. I felt like I was being stretched and stabbed at the same time.

"I know you don't!" I hissed as the pain continued to hit me. Communicating was getting harder.

"You're wrong, Joanalie. I know you're in more kinds of pain than just one right now, but the reason I haven't been responding to those feelings is because you're too good for me. I've changed for the better, too. Just like Devlin, confound it. But, I'm still a bad person. You deserve a good one, and I can't provide that for you."

(ATTENTION, THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPH, I'VE HAD WRITTEN FOR MONTHS. IT'S BEEN WAITING TO REVEAL ITSELF TO YOU, MY WONDERFUL READERS!)

"I don't believe in bad people - only mistakes made by good people," I said, tears streaming down my face now, just before the man I irrevocably loved kissed me and the only life I'd ever known inched slowly out of me.

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