Afraid of What You'll Find
Hopes and Humiliation.
14th August 1939
Frank
I walked out of my house, closing the door as quietly as I could so not to disturb mother and father from their outrageous drinking last night. I sighed as I remembered what happened the night before but decided not to dwell on it as it was a whole new day and I had a feeling that something good was going to happen. I walked along the road, fantasising about my day and what was going to happen. I always preferred to be in school than at my house as it was safe there, where no one could hurt you. I shouldn’t have thought that last sentence as just then something hard hit me over the head, keeling me over.
“Take that, weed!”
Oh no. It was Bert McCracken, local hard nut and bully extraordinaire. He had always hated me since… well, ever.
“You’re going to be sorry about that!” I shouted across the road to him, shaking my fist as I did so. I hoped my voice sounded braver than I felt, as I had always been afraid of Bert.
“As if!” He said curtly and ran off towards the school, laughing as he did so. If he wasn’t there, school would be even better.
Gerard
“Come on, Gerard, don’t want to be late for your first day of school!” Mikey said to me, grinning like a fool. A grin I wish I could slap off his face. He always did well and school and loved the amount of praise he got for his hard work, unlike me who had never really bothered and always had more red ink over my work from my teacher than there was ink from my pen.
“Shut up, Mikey, and start walking,” I hissed at him. At once he began walking. We walked side by side as we walked up to the local school in Ashburn Wood. I would be in Year 9 as I was fourteen but Mikey would be in Year 8 as he was only thirteen. I didn’t like that. I wanted to be with Mikey, despite how young he was and how much I hated him. What if no one liked me? What if I didn’t understand any of the work? What if I got lost on my way to my lessons? All these questions scared me. As we got to our school the bell rang shrilly. Great, I thought, I’m already late and I only just got here. As me and my brother stood at the open entrance of our new school, bewildered at the idea of what to do next, a high voice rang out:
“Gerard and Michael Way?” It said. We spun around to become face to face with a rather short, squat lady with a rather peculiar pair of glasses on her. They were purple with glitter on them and she was wearing a yellow jumper and tartan skirt.
“Yes, that’s us,” Said Mikey in a low voice. I could tell he was trying not to laugh at the woman’s dress sense, and with good reason, too.
“I’m Mrs Sanford and I am the Head-teacher at Ashburn High. I welcome you to our school.”
“Thank you, Mrs Sanford,” I said, shaking her hand. “Erm… do you know where we are supposed to go for our first lesson?”
“Oh of course. Your first lesson is with…” She looked at a piece of paper. “Mr Martin and it is history. Here are your timetables for the week.” she handed us both pieces of paper with different classes and teachers written out on it neatly.
“Thank you, Mrs Sanford. Good day.” And with that I walked to the history block using the map on the back of the piece of paper. All my hopes and fears came back to me as I opened the history room door.
Frank
“…And that is why there are no longer any slaves in Britain today.” Mr Martin finished. I was writing down my last sentence when there was a knock at the door.
“Come in,” Mr Martin called.
I didn’t look up as it was probably about something Bert McCracken had done. He was sitting behind me now, poking me in the back with his pen every few minutes and whispered many insulting things into my ear.
“Ah, you must be the new person, please sit down over there.” Mr Martin said. New person? Great, one of Bert’s friends must have been moved to my class. I could feel the beatings I would get after school all ready. I saw out of the corner of my eye someone sit down next to me. I moved my desk and chair slightly away from the person that was there. I didn’t want to get myself into trouble.
“Excuse me, could I use a pen?” Said the person. I turned around to tell the person to ask someone else and leave me alone when I cam face to face with…
“Gerard!”
“Frank!”
“I didn’t know you went to this school!”
“I didn’t know you were going to! Here’s a pen,” I said, holding out my best and most expensive pen to him.
“Oh thanks. I forgot to pack any of my stationary last night.” He grinned.
“Silence in my class, if you please.” Mr Martin said grudgingly. Me and Gerard quietly giggled at his tone of voice and the look on his face.
“He looks really weird, all that greasy hair doesn’t suit him,” said Gerard when we had calmed down.
“You should see Bert McCracken’s hair, it looks like it‘s falling out!” I said, making us giggle again.
“I said silence!” Mr Martin shouted in our direction.
We held our breath, trying to make the laughing stop.
“I wish my hair was as long as yours, it looks amazing. My hair looks terrible.” I said.
“I think it looks great, just the way it is.” Gerard smiled. I smiled back briefly but turned to my book quickly so that he couldn’t see my blushing cheeks.
Wait a minute. Blushing cheeks, compliments, butterflies in the stomach?
I love Gerard Way!?
Gerard
I’m in the same class as Frank! Things are definitely looking up. Finally, after class, Frank thankfully let me avoid being alone by asking me to be around him as we sat under a tree. I took out my school planner and timetable as Frank lay under the tree, dozing off.
“What have you got next?” Asked Frank, not opening his eyes.
“I have Ms Lee, Art.” I said.
“So do I, would you be my partner? No one has asked me to be their partner and I need someone to help me do the rest of my project.”
“Of course.” I said eagerly, I hope not too eagerly.
“Really?” Frank asked, opening one eye.
“Really.” I said firmly.
“Thank you!” He said, grinning.
“No problem.” I smiled back. One of the helpers in the school began to ring a bell, signalling us to go to our next lesson. We slowly got up. Frank reached out and stretched his arms, yawning as he did so. I couldn’t help but smile as he did this, he looked so… amazing as he did it.
“Don’t tease me!” Frank told me, pulling a face as he said it.
“I’m not, I promise you!” I joked, putting my hands up in a “surrendering” kind of way. We walked side by side as we walked to the art lesson. The Art room was really big, with artwork by all of the years stuck up on the walls like one enormous collage. Me and Frank sat down together at one of the desks as he got out a large piece of paper. I reached out for one of the pencils in the pot just as Frank did the same.
“Oh!”
“Sorry!” I said, whipping my hand away. Everyone tittered, some people jeered, Bert McCracken and his friends wolf whistled.
“Gerard and Frank, Sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!” Sang all of the girls.
“Shut up, all of you!” Frank threatened, standing up.
“What are you going to do then?” Bert challenged.
“Don’t do anything, Frank, they’re not worth it.” I pleaded.
“You better do what your boyfriend says, Iero.” Bert said, inches away from Frank’s face. Frank raised his fist when Ms Lee shouted:
“Mr Iero! Mr McCracken! I will not have violence or humiliation of any kind in my classroom, thank you. Sit down immediately!” Automatically everyone sat down in silence, a look of thunder and pure hate on Frank’s face. A face I had created.
Frank
Stupid Bert McCracken! Stupid, stupid, me! I shouldn’t have reacted in that way. They’re going to have it in for me. After school, Gerard asked me if I could walk with him home with his brother.
“Of course.” I said.
“Oh, and Frank?” He said.
“Yes?” He grinned and pulled me close. He wasn’t, was he…? He took my hand and placed the pen I gave to him there. Of course, how silly of me to get my hopes up.
“Oh…Thanks.” I said. We walked up the silent corridor past the Science classrooms without another word. Suddenly, out of nowhere, Bert McCracken, Joel Madding, Ray Toro and Farris ‘Rotter’ appeared and Ray slammed me against the wall. Gerard screamed and leapt to my aid, but soon Farris had slammed him against the wall too. Bert strolled past us with a pleasant smile on his face.
“We have seemed to captured the two queers, boys!” He exclaimed with a crude laugh. Farris and Ray laughed after him.
“We are not queer!” I shouted at him.
“Then what have you been doing together, then?” He said. “You’ve been spending a lot of time with your ‘friend’ lately. It’s been showing a lot, you know.”
“Likewise.” I said quietly.
“What did you said?!” He shouted, mere centre-metres away from my face. “Say it again and I’ll punch you black and blue!” He said, spitting onto my face.
“Takes one to know one, queer.” I scoffed.
“You have deserved this for a long time,” He said, clenching his fists. The next thing I know, all I can see is blood on the floor, pain outlining every part of my body and I can faintly hear Gerard’s screaming.
Gerard
How could they do this?! They have no right! Poor Frank, he hasn’t appeared out of his house for over a week now. I had to carry him home that night. I had got a black eye from trying to protect Frank. I spent all that night crying softly to myself, wishing that I was the person that was beaten rather than it being Frank, wishing that I had protected him, wishing that I had never done that stupid thing with him. Sometimes I wished that I had never met him.
Frank
I walked out of my house, closing the door as quietly as I could so not to disturb mother and father from their outrageous drinking last night. I sighed as I remembered what happened the night before but decided not to dwell on it as it was a whole new day and I had a feeling that something good was going to happen. I walked along the road, fantasising about my day and what was going to happen. I always preferred to be in school than at my house as it was safe there, where no one could hurt you. I shouldn’t have thought that last sentence as just then something hard hit me over the head, keeling me over.
“Take that, weed!”
Oh no. It was Bert McCracken, local hard nut and bully extraordinaire. He had always hated me since… well, ever.
“You’re going to be sorry about that!” I shouted across the road to him, shaking my fist as I did so. I hoped my voice sounded braver than I felt, as I had always been afraid of Bert.
“As if!” He said curtly and ran off towards the school, laughing as he did so. If he wasn’t there, school would be even better.
Gerard
“Come on, Gerard, don’t want to be late for your first day of school!” Mikey said to me, grinning like a fool. A grin I wish I could slap off his face. He always did well and school and loved the amount of praise he got for his hard work, unlike me who had never really bothered and always had more red ink over my work from my teacher than there was ink from my pen.
“Shut up, Mikey, and start walking,” I hissed at him. At once he began walking. We walked side by side as we walked up to the local school in Ashburn Wood. I would be in Year 9 as I was fourteen but Mikey would be in Year 8 as he was only thirteen. I didn’t like that. I wanted to be with Mikey, despite how young he was and how much I hated him. What if no one liked me? What if I didn’t understand any of the work? What if I got lost on my way to my lessons? All these questions scared me. As we got to our school the bell rang shrilly. Great, I thought, I’m already late and I only just got here. As me and my brother stood at the open entrance of our new school, bewildered at the idea of what to do next, a high voice rang out:
“Gerard and Michael Way?” It said. We spun around to become face to face with a rather short, squat lady with a rather peculiar pair of glasses on her. They were purple with glitter on them and she was wearing a yellow jumper and tartan skirt.
“Yes, that’s us,” Said Mikey in a low voice. I could tell he was trying not to laugh at the woman’s dress sense, and with good reason, too.
“I’m Mrs Sanford and I am the Head-teacher at Ashburn High. I welcome you to our school.”
“Thank you, Mrs Sanford,” I said, shaking her hand. “Erm… do you know where we are supposed to go for our first lesson?”
“Oh of course. Your first lesson is with…” She looked at a piece of paper. “Mr Martin and it is history. Here are your timetables for the week.” she handed us both pieces of paper with different classes and teachers written out on it neatly.
“Thank you, Mrs Sanford. Good day.” And with that I walked to the history block using the map on the back of the piece of paper. All my hopes and fears came back to me as I opened the history room door.
Frank
“…And that is why there are no longer any slaves in Britain today.” Mr Martin finished. I was writing down my last sentence when there was a knock at the door.
“Come in,” Mr Martin called.
I didn’t look up as it was probably about something Bert McCracken had done. He was sitting behind me now, poking me in the back with his pen every few minutes and whispered many insulting things into my ear.
“Ah, you must be the new person, please sit down over there.” Mr Martin said. New person? Great, one of Bert’s friends must have been moved to my class. I could feel the beatings I would get after school all ready. I saw out of the corner of my eye someone sit down next to me. I moved my desk and chair slightly away from the person that was there. I didn’t want to get myself into trouble.
“Excuse me, could I use a pen?” Said the person. I turned around to tell the person to ask someone else and leave me alone when I cam face to face with…
“Gerard!”
“Frank!”
“I didn’t know you went to this school!”
“I didn’t know you were going to! Here’s a pen,” I said, holding out my best and most expensive pen to him.
“Oh thanks. I forgot to pack any of my stationary last night.” He grinned.
“Silence in my class, if you please.” Mr Martin said grudgingly. Me and Gerard quietly giggled at his tone of voice and the look on his face.
“He looks really weird, all that greasy hair doesn’t suit him,” said Gerard when we had calmed down.
“You should see Bert McCracken’s hair, it looks like it‘s falling out!” I said, making us giggle again.
“I said silence!” Mr Martin shouted in our direction.
We held our breath, trying to make the laughing stop.
“I wish my hair was as long as yours, it looks amazing. My hair looks terrible.” I said.
“I think it looks great, just the way it is.” Gerard smiled. I smiled back briefly but turned to my book quickly so that he couldn’t see my blushing cheeks.
Wait a minute. Blushing cheeks, compliments, butterflies in the stomach?
I love Gerard Way!?
Gerard
I’m in the same class as Frank! Things are definitely looking up. Finally, after class, Frank thankfully let me avoid being alone by asking me to be around him as we sat under a tree. I took out my school planner and timetable as Frank lay under the tree, dozing off.
“What have you got next?” Asked Frank, not opening his eyes.
“I have Ms Lee, Art.” I said.
“So do I, would you be my partner? No one has asked me to be their partner and I need someone to help me do the rest of my project.”
“Of course.” I said eagerly, I hope not too eagerly.
“Really?” Frank asked, opening one eye.
“Really.” I said firmly.
“Thank you!” He said, grinning.
“No problem.” I smiled back. One of the helpers in the school began to ring a bell, signalling us to go to our next lesson. We slowly got up. Frank reached out and stretched his arms, yawning as he did so. I couldn’t help but smile as he did this, he looked so… amazing as he did it.
“Don’t tease me!” Frank told me, pulling a face as he said it.
“I’m not, I promise you!” I joked, putting my hands up in a “surrendering” kind of way. We walked side by side as we walked to the art lesson. The Art room was really big, with artwork by all of the years stuck up on the walls like one enormous collage. Me and Frank sat down together at one of the desks as he got out a large piece of paper. I reached out for one of the pencils in the pot just as Frank did the same.
“Oh!”
“Sorry!” I said, whipping my hand away. Everyone tittered, some people jeered, Bert McCracken and his friends wolf whistled.
“Gerard and Frank, Sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!” Sang all of the girls.
“Shut up, all of you!” Frank threatened, standing up.
“What are you going to do then?” Bert challenged.
“Don’t do anything, Frank, they’re not worth it.” I pleaded.
“You better do what your boyfriend says, Iero.” Bert said, inches away from Frank’s face. Frank raised his fist when Ms Lee shouted:
“Mr Iero! Mr McCracken! I will not have violence or humiliation of any kind in my classroom, thank you. Sit down immediately!” Automatically everyone sat down in silence, a look of thunder and pure hate on Frank’s face. A face I had created.
Frank
Stupid Bert McCracken! Stupid, stupid, me! I shouldn’t have reacted in that way. They’re going to have it in for me. After school, Gerard asked me if I could walk with him home with his brother.
“Of course.” I said.
“Oh, and Frank?” He said.
“Yes?” He grinned and pulled me close. He wasn’t, was he…? He took my hand and placed the pen I gave to him there. Of course, how silly of me to get my hopes up.
“Oh…Thanks.” I said. We walked up the silent corridor past the Science classrooms without another word. Suddenly, out of nowhere, Bert McCracken, Joel Madding, Ray Toro and Farris ‘Rotter’ appeared and Ray slammed me against the wall. Gerard screamed and leapt to my aid, but soon Farris had slammed him against the wall too. Bert strolled past us with a pleasant smile on his face.
“We have seemed to captured the two queers, boys!” He exclaimed with a crude laugh. Farris and Ray laughed after him.
“We are not queer!” I shouted at him.
“Then what have you been doing together, then?” He said. “You’ve been spending a lot of time with your ‘friend’ lately. It’s been showing a lot, you know.”
“Likewise.” I said quietly.
“What did you said?!” He shouted, mere centre-metres away from my face. “Say it again and I’ll punch you black and blue!” He said, spitting onto my face.
“Takes one to know one, queer.” I scoffed.
“You have deserved this for a long time,” He said, clenching his fists. The next thing I know, all I can see is blood on the floor, pain outlining every part of my body and I can faintly hear Gerard’s screaming.
Gerard
How could they do this?! They have no right! Poor Frank, he hasn’t appeared out of his house for over a week now. I had to carry him home that night. I had got a black eye from trying to protect Frank. I spent all that night crying softly to myself, wishing that I was the person that was beaten rather than it being Frank, wishing that I had protected him, wishing that I had never done that stupid thing with him. Sometimes I wished that I had never met him.