You Make My Heart Do Funny Things

“Gee! Wake up you lazy whore!” somebody yelled in my ear making ringing noises start
“I can’t feel my legs!”

Somehow I managed to ignore the urge to just knee Frank in the balls and go back to sleep, and pried my eyes open to find myself lying on top of Frank. Which was a nice surprise, and also a clear indication that we had another ‘movie night’ last night.

“Shut up Frank, you love it really.” Smirking, I buried my face into the crook of his neck and pretended to fall back asleep.

After a few minuets of Franks protesting and feeble attempts to push me off (I’m tall and cubby, he’s small and weak, he didn’t get very far), he gave up and started calling for help instead. Unfortunately the first person he decided to scream for was Naomi.

“Oh my god! Gay Porn! Don’t you dare move guys, I need to find my camcorder!”

At this even I lifted my head to stare at her as she actually started to look for her camcorder under the sofa. “What the hell Naomi! I’m your cousin!” Frank said with a seriously freaked out face.

“What? If you’re going to make me watch you and Gerard do it then I might as well record it and sell it to get money, you guys will be famous porn stars!”

“I don’t want to be a famous porn star!”

“I do.” I stated before dry humping Frank’s leg and moaning like a whore. “Oh Frank! Yes Frank! God you’re so tight! Oh, Oh,” heavy breathing “Frank!”

At the side of us Naomi had stopped looking for her camcorder and was instead busy laughing so hard tears came out her eyes. I smiled down at Frank who was pouting and kissed his forehead. His pout disappeared and was replaced by a small smile that then also disappeared when a knock came from the front door.

“Get that would you Naomi.” I asked the girl who stood staring at the door as if it had called her mom fat.

“Naomi wait!” Frank shouted from underneath me, “Listen, if its Kat, tell her I’m not in!”

Silence. He had both me and Naomi staring at him. Could it be true! Could he be finally be seeing that ungrateful hag for what she really was? It’s about god damn time! I felt like crying as I hugged him close to me.

“Thank god! Mimi, go tell her that she can fuck off! We got our Frank back!”

“What? No!” Frank called after her but it was too late as she had already opened the door.

We both sat listening as we listened to what she said;

“Fuck off you sla… who are you?”

…

“Frank? What for?

…

“Are you his pimp?”

…

“No? Alright then, I’ll go get him.”

We heard the front door slam shut and then Naomi walked back into the room looking confused.

“It’s some chick for Frank,”

“Who is she?” He asked also looking confused

“Didn’t say, she just said she needed to see you,”

“What did she look like?” I asked thinking maybe I might know her.

“Short, skinny, blonde, glasses… she has a file with her for some reason,”

I had no idea, but the description seemed to trigger Frank’s memory as he started to violently push at me and squeal for me to get off him. I looked down at him and was shocked to find him looking scared. He pushed me off of him and ran for the door in his boxers. Before he slammed the door to the hall he hissed at us to not eavesdrop.

Of course we didn’t listen to him and ran to listen at the crack between the wall and the door but all we heard was the door opening and then some hushed whispers. It wasn’t long before the door was closed again and Naomi and me ran to act natural by spooning on the floor.

As Frank walked back into the room holding something behind his back he barely gave us a second confused glance before he ran to the only room with a lock, the bathroom, with whatever he was hiding.

“What was that about?” I asked Naomi who was the one spooning me for some reason.

“I don’t know, but he must have been hiding that folder the woman had,” she replied frowning “Gee, I thought maybe he was having an affair or something but I think it’s bigger than that.”

I frowned as well and shook my head. She couldn’t be serious! I know everything about Frank, we’ve been friends for years, and if he was doing something serious like mobster work, he would tell me. I tell her this but she just shakes her head.

“Believe me Gerard, something’s up and I’m going to find out!” after that she got up and walked away with a determined look on her face