Diary of a Reluctant Ruler

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I stretched, my sleep-laden limbs easing slowly. My head ached- a side effect of yesterday’s sugar fest. Sadly I hadn’t created an immunity to large amounts of sugar as a child, so the ice-cream had given me a headache.

I rolled over, checking the clock. 8:45…

Yikes, too early!

No, no, no. Must sleep…

I snuggled back into the covers, drifting back into half daydreams, half dream dreams. I won’t write a detailed description, as it would probably have to be censored for cruelty to jelly-babies. I’ll just say that biting off their heads has always been my guilty pleasure…

“Phil!!!” trilled a far-too-happy voice far-too-close to my ear.

*muffled voice* Eh? What?

“Go away…” I moaned, pulling a pillow over my head.

“No! Wake-up!” Olly yelled.

“No…” I sobbed, clutching the pillow so hard it ripped.

“Give me the download girl!” she said, hitting me over the head.

“Argh!” I yelled, throwing the blanket off and swinging myself out of bed.

“Come on!”

“No,” I grumped, “Breakfast.”

I trudged downstairs, Olly trying to prod me for information to no avail.

“Morning chéri,” Madeleine called from a nearby stove as I sat down.

“Morning,” I croaked, “Breakfast Olly?”

“I’m really not hungry,” she sighed, “Talk!!”

I smiled at Madeleine as she put down two plates, a dish of hot waffles and a jug of pear syrup. Madeleine’s syrup is legendary. Someone actually tried to steal the recipe once. I took two waffles, then thought about my figure and put one back, poured syrup over the first and began to munch.

“Did you kiss?” she asked.

“France didn’t hear you,” I teased.

Madeleine did though…

“Oh come on, Phil! Give me something.”

I took another bite, using the food as an excuse not to talk. Olly groaned, realising I wasn’t about to burst into a monologue, and began to eat a waffle plain.

“Ok,” I said, once I’d refuelled, “You really want to know?”

“Yes! Every last detail!!”

“No way,” I cried, “You don’t want to know the gory details, he’s your brother! Incest.”

“Urk! You are impossible this morning.”

“Nothing happened, well not really.”

“Talk,” she demanded.

“Ok… James drove us into Rous… no one recognised me, it was amazing! Oh, he’d given me a wig. I know! Anyway, someone actually bumped into me! Then we went to the supermarket… ice-cream was bought, and I nearly walked out without paying… James came to my rescue thankfully. We went and ate it in the park… nothing happened. Well, there was this one moment before he said goodnight, but… nada.”

“Sounds like it went well for a first date!” Olly smiled, jumping to her feet.

We began to make our way back upstairs.

“Really? Isn’t amazing snogging required?”

“Nah, not on the first date. Ew, incest!”

“What’s incest?” asked a groggy voice.

“Nothing!” Olly snapped, startled.

James stood in front of us, in a large black t-shirt and shorts, complete with very handsome bed-hair.

Nice legs…

Ew, leg-perve.

“Oh,” James said, rubbing a hand across his forehead, “I have a massive headache from too much sugar.”

“Same,” I whispered, trying not to speak louder than one decibel.

James looked at me a bit blearily, then blinked. Olly glanced at me, and then her eyes widened.

“James!” she yelled, making both our heads spin. She jumped in front of me, blocking my view of James.

“What?” he asked, disorientated at the noise.

“Stop perving on Phil!!” she screeched.

“Yikes, way too much volume Hun,” I moaned.

“I wasn’t perving,” James answered.

“Well, don’t look at her then!” she said, “She’s not decent.”

“I’m perfectly decent,” I complained, looking down at my skimpy silk nightdress and shorts, “Oh. Point taken.”

Olly edged me round James, keeping me hidden. He watched her as if she were a weird alien-creature from mars.

“Sorry,” I muttered from behind her.

“S’ok,” he replied, laughing.

“See you later?” I asked.

“Yeah, what’s your schedule like today?”

“Completely free actually,” I said, still hidden, “Though it would have been spent sleeping… had not a certain someone come and woken me up.”

“Well, see you when you’re decent?” he asked.

You can see me when I’m not decent anytime.

Er, gross.

“Sure,” I answered.

“Ok, get moving buster,” Olly said, waving him on.

“Ok, weirdo,” James muttered, leaving us.

“He was so checking you out,” Olly cried once he had moved out of earshot.

“No he wasn’t,” I complained, “He was just surprised at how ugly I looked.”

“Phil! You have no self confidence,” Olly berated, flopping down on my bed, “Besides, I know my brother.”

“There’s a reason for my lack of confidence,” I muttered, watching as she scratched an annoyingly pretty leg.

“I heard that,” Olly said.

“Hate you,” I said, sticking my tongue out at her like a 6-year-old.

“Hate you too, dearie,” she answered, mimicking me.