A Wonderful Caricature of Intimacy; A Tale of Past Lovers
It's All A Game Of This Or That
“Hey loves.” I said as I walked towards the group sitting at the table where the catering was.
Amanda and Jenny were in deep conversation. Chrissy finally didn’t have her face attached to Jon but a blonde haired, blue eyed girl was sitting next to Ryan making out with him. I guess Chelsea’s back from Australia.
“Welcome back Chelsea.” I said loud enough to hopefully split them up.
Chelsea let go and turned a little red. I giggled as Ryan tried to fix his hair that she was running her fingers through just seconds ago.
“It’s called PDA you two.” I teased.
“Now my hair is all messed up.” Ryan said as he tried to fix it.
Chelsea rolled her eyes as he kissed her on the cheek. With that he got up and walked to Panic!’s dressing room. I sat next to her and gave her a hug.
“How was Australia?” I asked.
She went to go visit family for a month or two since she took a year off for school. She use to live in Australia, but moved to LA for school. She’s the same age as Ryan.
“It was good. Feels good to see my parents and the rest of my family again. I’ve missed them, but I couldn’t help but miss Ryan and the rest of you guys as well.” Chelsea said.
“Awww.”
“Hey Erelin, Chrissy, we’re gonna be on in 45 minutes.” Sam said as he came out of nowhere.
Following him though was Billy, Brendon, and Ryan. Brendon and Ryan both grabbed something to eat. Billy ate a little seeing as we were about to go on. They all grabbed food and sat a couple of tables down. We were all in deep conversation about normal things. Amanda talking about William, Jenny about Patrick, Chrissy about Jon, and Chelsea about Ryan. I felt so left out. I couldn’t help the fact that I had to plant a fake smile on my face.
“I swear to God…” Amanda muttered.
“What?” Jenny asked.
“Brendon.”
Jenny looked up as did everyone else to Amanda’s comment to see Brendon staring at us. We locked gazes each other for a couple of seconds, and then he put his head down.
“Has Brendon talked to you recently?” Amanda asked me.
I was about to say yes, but I stopped. I couldn’t help but think about my dream with him the night before. It put a smile on my face, yet a sad smile. He was with Audrey. I couldn’t stop that.
“No, why??”
“Because we can obviously tell that he likes you.” Jenny said.
“Well then why won’t he stop being a pussy and just tell me that and break up with Audrey?” I asked.
“I don’t know. I’ve been trying to talk some sense into him. He’s like a little brother to me, and I hate it when he’s with her.” Amanda said.
“Yea, I remember the last time they were together, she held on to him for dear life. When ever fans would ask for an autograph or a picture with him, she would pull away. She would always give me attitude and told me to hold on to Ryan if I wanted teenies to attack him.” Chelsea said.
“What? That’s insane!” I said.
“And she would make him do things that he didn’t want to do. He used to drink so much because of
her. Now he’s moderate, but he was drunk every night for a whole month on tour because of her. She’s fucking insane.” Jenny said.
I thought about what they were saying. He doesn’t seem like this at all. I couldn’t help but feel confused. My feelings for Pete have died down, but I couldn’t help but feel jealous every once and a while. Brendon on the other hand, my feelings have been growing. Ever since the night of the club, his touch, his kiss. Just the way he held me felt so right. I just hated the fact that he was holding that stupid cotton candy who decided not to come to his show. If I wasn’t on tour, I would still go to every show of his just to make him happy.
“Whatever makes him happy.” I said sadly.
“Erelin, you know he still won’t stop talking about you. Every time I call him up or he calls me, he always asks about what he should do next. I tell him, and he doesn’t listen.” Amanda said.
“Yea, and he always asks about you whenever I’m with Jon. He’ll ask how you’re doing. You situations like school, music, if you’re dating anyone. Actually today he asked me about Steve. He wanted to know every single detail about him. Did you say something about him?” Chrissy asked.
“No. Steve texted me yesterday and…”
“You’re talking to him again?!?!” She yelled.
I looked over at the boys table to catch Brendon staring at me again. But with Chrissy screaming at me, it caused the whole table to look over at us. I just shook my head and continued the conversation.
“Technically, he texted me first. Don’t worry, wifey.” I said.
“Better not be talking to him. I swear he’s such a douche bag. What did you ever see in him?” Chrissy asked.
“Honestly, I don’t know. All I know is, is that I’m done playing games with Brendon. I should just move on.”
“Erelin, don’t give up. I’ll talk to Brendon about…” Amanda started to say.
“Talk to me about what???”
We all looked up to see Brendon standing right next to our table. It felt like I was at Driscoll again at lunch all huddled together talking shit about other people.
No one could say anything to him. I finally got up to.
“To tell you… That I’m done playing games. I’m sick and tired of this. I’m done.” I said simply.
It was quiet. He didn’t respond back, but it looked like he wanted to. He looked sort of hurt, but he’s the one who hurt me first.
“Come on Chris. We have to get ready. I’ll talk to you guys later.” I said to the rest of them. I turned around and left Brendon to Amanda who I know will lecture and yell at when I left the room.
“Are you sure you did the right thing?” Chrissy asked as we walked to our dressing room.
“Yea… I’m sure.”
“Then how come I’ve known you for so long and call you my best friend, and yet I can tell by your body language and your tone that you aren’t.” Chrissy said as she stopped in front of me as we walked, facing me.
“I hate how you know me so well.”
“Erelin…”
“No, honestly I am done. I want this over with. I hate being heartbroken. You don’t know how it hurts when I see you with Jon. You deserve him. I’ve never seen my best friend so happy. Maybe I’ll find someone else, but I don’t think it’s Brendon.” I said.
“Erelin, Chrissy you have ten minutes.” Nick our manager said as he came out of nowhere.
We both sighed, walked and opened our dressing room. We both in and got ready to go on stage.
Amanda and Jenny were in deep conversation. Chrissy finally didn’t have her face attached to Jon but a blonde haired, blue eyed girl was sitting next to Ryan making out with him. I guess Chelsea’s back from Australia.
“Welcome back Chelsea.” I said loud enough to hopefully split them up.
Chelsea let go and turned a little red. I giggled as Ryan tried to fix his hair that she was running her fingers through just seconds ago.
“It’s called PDA you two.” I teased.
“Now my hair is all messed up.” Ryan said as he tried to fix it.
Chelsea rolled her eyes as he kissed her on the cheek. With that he got up and walked to Panic!’s dressing room. I sat next to her and gave her a hug.
“How was Australia?” I asked.
She went to go visit family for a month or two since she took a year off for school. She use to live in Australia, but moved to LA for school. She’s the same age as Ryan.
“It was good. Feels good to see my parents and the rest of my family again. I’ve missed them, but I couldn’t help but miss Ryan and the rest of you guys as well.” Chelsea said.
“Awww.”
“Hey Erelin, Chrissy, we’re gonna be on in 45 minutes.” Sam said as he came out of nowhere.
Following him though was Billy, Brendon, and Ryan. Brendon and Ryan both grabbed something to eat. Billy ate a little seeing as we were about to go on. They all grabbed food and sat a couple of tables down. We were all in deep conversation about normal things. Amanda talking about William, Jenny about Patrick, Chrissy about Jon, and Chelsea about Ryan. I felt so left out. I couldn’t help the fact that I had to plant a fake smile on my face.
“I swear to God…” Amanda muttered.
“What?” Jenny asked.
“Brendon.”
Jenny looked up as did everyone else to Amanda’s comment to see Brendon staring at us. We locked gazes each other for a couple of seconds, and then he put his head down.
“Has Brendon talked to you recently?” Amanda asked me.
I was about to say yes, but I stopped. I couldn’t help but think about my dream with him the night before. It put a smile on my face, yet a sad smile. He was with Audrey. I couldn’t stop that.
“No, why??”
“Because we can obviously tell that he likes you.” Jenny said.
“Well then why won’t he stop being a pussy and just tell me that and break up with Audrey?” I asked.
“I don’t know. I’ve been trying to talk some sense into him. He’s like a little brother to me, and I hate it when he’s with her.” Amanda said.
“Yea, I remember the last time they were together, she held on to him for dear life. When ever fans would ask for an autograph or a picture with him, she would pull away. She would always give me attitude and told me to hold on to Ryan if I wanted teenies to attack him.” Chelsea said.
“What? That’s insane!” I said.
“And she would make him do things that he didn’t want to do. He used to drink so much because of
her. Now he’s moderate, but he was drunk every night for a whole month on tour because of her. She’s fucking insane.” Jenny said.
I thought about what they were saying. He doesn’t seem like this at all. I couldn’t help but feel confused. My feelings for Pete have died down, but I couldn’t help but feel jealous every once and a while. Brendon on the other hand, my feelings have been growing. Ever since the night of the club, his touch, his kiss. Just the way he held me felt so right. I just hated the fact that he was holding that stupid cotton candy who decided not to come to his show. If I wasn’t on tour, I would still go to every show of his just to make him happy.
“Whatever makes him happy.” I said sadly.
“Erelin, you know he still won’t stop talking about you. Every time I call him up or he calls me, he always asks about what he should do next. I tell him, and he doesn’t listen.” Amanda said.
“Yea, and he always asks about you whenever I’m with Jon. He’ll ask how you’re doing. You situations like school, music, if you’re dating anyone. Actually today he asked me about Steve. He wanted to know every single detail about him. Did you say something about him?” Chrissy asked.
“No. Steve texted me yesterday and…”
“You’re talking to him again?!?!” She yelled.
I looked over at the boys table to catch Brendon staring at me again. But with Chrissy screaming at me, it caused the whole table to look over at us. I just shook my head and continued the conversation.
“Technically, he texted me first. Don’t worry, wifey.” I said.
“Better not be talking to him. I swear he’s such a douche bag. What did you ever see in him?” Chrissy asked.
“Honestly, I don’t know. All I know is, is that I’m done playing games with Brendon. I should just move on.”
“Erelin, don’t give up. I’ll talk to Brendon about…” Amanda started to say.
“Talk to me about what???”
We all looked up to see Brendon standing right next to our table. It felt like I was at Driscoll again at lunch all huddled together talking shit about other people.
No one could say anything to him. I finally got up to.
“To tell you… That I’m done playing games. I’m sick and tired of this. I’m done.” I said simply.
It was quiet. He didn’t respond back, but it looked like he wanted to. He looked sort of hurt, but he’s the one who hurt me first.
“Come on Chris. We have to get ready. I’ll talk to you guys later.” I said to the rest of them. I turned around and left Brendon to Amanda who I know will lecture and yell at when I left the room.
“Are you sure you did the right thing?” Chrissy asked as we walked to our dressing room.
“Yea… I’m sure.”
“Then how come I’ve known you for so long and call you my best friend, and yet I can tell by your body language and your tone that you aren’t.” Chrissy said as she stopped in front of me as we walked, facing me.
“I hate how you know me so well.”
“Erelin…”
“No, honestly I am done. I want this over with. I hate being heartbroken. You don’t know how it hurts when I see you with Jon. You deserve him. I’ve never seen my best friend so happy. Maybe I’ll find someone else, but I don’t think it’s Brendon.” I said.
“Erelin, Chrissy you have ten minutes.” Nick our manager said as he came out of nowhere.
We both sighed, walked and opened our dressing room. We both in and got ready to go on stage.