Forever Fades Away

MAE

I was pushed out of the room all too soon before I could realize what was happening. I saw doctors and nurses gather all around but the door was closed. I was scared; and motionless.

I kept looking at the door in front of me. Maybe if I stayed here long enough, they would open the door and I would see Brian again.

The door wouldn’t open. I wouldn’t move.

Seconds later, I ran as fast as I could to the conference room where the rest were. I flung the door open and everyone looked at me. No one said a word.

Zack stood up and walked over to me. He stood in front of me and placed both of his hands on my shoulders, “Are you feeling okay, you look pretty pale.”

I was screaming inside at him. They needed to know what was going on but I couldn’t say a word. You could have sliced my throat and I wouldn’t scream in pain at all.

“Brian,” I let out. My voice was small and weak. It teetered between a calm, yet ballistic sound. I couldn’t even describe how it sounded to be honest.

Zack didn’t move. His eyes were squinted but he didn’t move either. I think he understood me.

“What the hell happened!” Brian’s mother yelled. Brian Sr. stared off at a wall in front of him. He jumped when his ex-wife’s voice pierced the room.

“I d-don’t kn-know y-yet,” I said between breaths. I was starting to hyperventilate. Brian Sr. got up and left the room, no doubt to see what was happening.

I reached out for him but he brushed past me. I needed to tell him what Brian said.

“Mae, what happened?” Val asked. Her eyes were red and swollen. I looked around and noticed everyone else was already starting to cry. It was difficult to see grown men cry.

Zack still had his hands on my shoulders. I looked up at him and pulled him towards me. I started crying, yet again, but this time in his arms. He tried to comfort me, “Shh, just wait it out. They already went to see if he’s oh-kay,” he struggled to say the last words.

I sobbed into his chest. Val came over and hugged me as well.

“He said he loved you guys. I ignored it but I think it was him saying goodbye,” I said to everyone in the room.
“NO! He wasn’t saying goodbye!” Jimmy yelled out. Leana tried to comfort him,

“Baby, calm down. Lets find out what’s going on,” she pulled his head into her lap. Jimmy gently rocked himself.

Everyone else was dumbfounded. Some caressed others, others stood there by themselves.

I hadn’t bothered looking over to Brian’s brother and mother. It hurt too much.

A door opened and the room held in their breaths. A woman in a business suit, Delia the nurse, and Dr. O’Brien came in. I tried to read their faces but I couldn’t see anything on them.

“Is the whole family here?”

We looked around and Zack spoke up, “No, his dad left to go find out what’s going on,”

“This is Jennifer Colella, she’s here to speak with you,” Dr. O’Brien said.

“Shouldn’t we wait for my husband?” Suzy asked.

Dr. O’Brien looked all around, “Let’s all take a seat, please. We will speak with his father as soon as possible.”

“No, please don’t!” I pushed Zack away. He tried to get me to calm down but I wasn’t having any of it. “I saw Brian’s heart monitor. Please tell me you guys did something about it!”

“Sweat heart, sit down. We don’t want you to hurt yourself,” Delia said to me.

“ENOUGH! What is wrong with my son?” Brian’s mother said. Brent was holding her. His eyes showed nothing but pain. He looked at the floor the entire time.

“I’m so sorry but I have no other way to tell you this--”

“NO, YOU’RE FUCKING FULL OF IT!” Jimmy didn’t let him finish what he was trying to say. He violently got up and pushed the chair away. Leana flinched and tried to get him to stop. Jimmy pushed past her and walked out the room.

We could hear him out in the hallway, “THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT!”

I felt Zack grab my hand. I think he was getting prepared to help me if I fainted or did something stupid.

Dr. O’Brien looked all around the room. He didn’t need to finish his sentence. We knew Brian didn’t make it.

Everyone cried. With some, you could hear sobs, with others all you needed to do was look at them. Their brother had died.

“Brian’s heart went into heart failure. We tried to resuscitate him several times all to no avail. The atrial fibrillation did not stop, so we administered drugs to control it. Brian never responded. We believe he went peacefully, as we found him with Mae at the time,”

I felt all eyes on me.

It was true, he said goodbye to me and he wanted me to tell everyone else he loved him.

“Everything will work out, just give it some time,” I quoted Brian. Zack squeezed my hand.

Tears rolled down my face but I felt nothing else. I was too scared to feel anything else. I felt that if I kept crying, my anger and hurt would spiral out of control.

I needed to punch something, anything.

“This is FUCKING SHIT. Goddamnit! Fuck it all! Don’t fucking touch me!” I yanked my hand out of Zack’s.

Dr. O’Brien gently comforted Delia; she was upset as well.

“He said he would always love all of you guys. I asked him if he wanted me to get all of you and he said no. I can’t believe I listened to him!”

I backed up against a wall and slowly slid down it.

My Brian was gone; our Brian was gone forever.

Brian Sr. and Matt walked in the door. Matt was sullen and didn’t express much through his face. He was clearly upset though. Val immediately ran to him. He opened his arms for her and let her cry in his arms.

Brian Sr. walked to Suzy. She pulled him next to her and hugged him and never let go. I heard him crying moments later.

“I know this is very difficult for you right now, but we would like to speak with you about organ donation,” the woman in the suit spoke.

“NO!” I yelled at her. I brought my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. I then hid my face in my arms.

I closed my eyes and thought to myself. This has to be a nightmare. Brian wouldn’t leave us all like that. It’s just a joke he’s playing on us, that has to be it!

“Brian never expressed a positive interest in organ donation. I’m sorry but we will have to decline,” Brian Sr. spoke. His crying ceased.

“That’s not a problem, Mr. Haner. I’m also a counselor. I am available to speak with you and your family tonight,” Jennifer said.

Tonight? Was it already night?

“I understand Brian was married?”

I felt all eyes on me. Zack took a seat next to me and tried pulling me into his arms.

“Don’t touch me,” I growled. “Can we go see him one last time?” I asked Dr. O’Brien.

“Yes, there’s no problem with that. Delia, may you please escort them?” Dr. O’Brien asked.

I let Brian’s parents go in first. They had at least fell for the joke that he had died. I couldn’t wait to see their faces when they saw he was just joking.

Soon enough, everyone had gone in and said goodbye. They all returned devastated. I quietly laughed to myself.

Zack came up to me, he was blowing his nose.

“Do you want to go in by yourself? One of the girls or I can even go in if you want,” he said.

“You can come,” I said to him. I wanted to see his face when he saw Brian speaking.

We both walked into the dimly lit room. I immediately noticed Brian’s pale complexion.

There were no tubes or IVs anywhere near in sight. All monitors were shut off. The room was somewhat clean.

I looked at the sheets, they had been tidied up.

“Brian?” I asked. Zack stood behind me, placing both hands on my shoulders. I walked up to Brian and placed my hand on his face.

I immediately noticed a difference.

I cried harder than ever then. I had realized the joke was on me; I was officially insane.

Brian was gone. I was alone.

I caressed his face, “You said you would always be next to my side, Brian,” I sobbed.

“We were suppose to get married!” I sobbed onto the sheets, “You promised,”

Zack let me go and sat down. He placed his head onto his hands and cried there with me.