Forever Fades Away

Mae

I jumped into the car and punched it into drive. I was usually a careful driver, Brian always made fun of my driving skills. They weren’t bad, but I’m sure an old lady could out do me any day.

The day was like any other day. There were children running around, with their mothers hot on their heels. The trees blew carelessly to the side, there was a slight wind. The clouds up above weren’t menacing, they were simply beautiful. Everyone around me was as calm as ever, and no one took notice of me; the girl with hot tears running down her face.

I drove recklessly to the nearest hospital Zack had instructed me to. While we were on the phone, Brian had fainted again. As soon as they had arrived to the Emergency Department, they took Brian immediately to the back. Zack was patiently waiting for me in the waiting room.

I walked into the waiting room and directly rushed Zack.

“They’re waiting for you back there” He shoved me towards the doors. I had no idea what was going on. My face was full of tears and I couldn’t see out of them.

“Who’s waiting? What’s going on? No, wait I have to call-”

“Mae just go in there! I’ll take care of the rest, I’ll call his parents.” Zack assured me. He spun me around and placed both hands on the side of my face.

“Brian needs you Mae, just stay strong,” Zack assured me. The security officer gave me my visitor badge and I was rushed inside with a nurse waiting for me on the other side.

“Mrs. Haner?” the nurse greeted me.

“Yes, Mae,” I said without correcting her.

“I’m Brian’s Nurse, Delia. He’s in this room to our left but we’ll be moving up to the cardiology floor in a few.”

“Cardiology?” I asked. Cardiology floor was for patients with failing hearts, hearts that usually belong in old people.

“Yes. When Brian arrived, his pulse was so low we thought he would go into heart failure, but we’ve given him medications to regulate it a bit more. As soon as Brian is settled, a doctor will speak with the two of you shortly to explain everything a bit more in detail.”

I couldn’t move, I had a pounding headache, and I still had no idea what was wrong with Brian. My breathing picked up a bit and the nurse noticed.

“Mrs., would you like to sit down? It looks as though you’re going into shock.” I looked at her as a deer in headlights would. I had no idea what was going on and it was frustrating.

“No! No, I’m fine, I need to see Brian!” I yelled at the poor woman.

“Mrs. Haner, I’m sorry but at the moment Brian is undergoing an echocardiogram. Dr. O’Brien will speak with you very soon.” I walked back out into the waiting room, leaving the nurse standing there alone.

“What did they say?” Zack immediately asked. I looked up and saw Jimmy walk into the waiting room. He ran over to us.

“What’s up?” he immediately asked. “I called his dad and Suzy. They said they’re on the way.” Both pairs of eyes looked at me, waiting for answers.

“I don’t, I don’t know. The damn nurse didn’t really explain anything. Something about an echocardiogram, whatever that is. I didn’t even get to see him!” I started crying again. I had been crying for the past half hour nonstop. Zack tried speaking up, but cursed and walked out of the room.

“Jimmy I, I-”

“Hun, breathe. If they didn’t say anything else, well I guess it means he’s ok.” I heard his phone go off. He stepped away and answered the phone.

“Mrs. Haner?” the same nurse popped out from behind the door. She motioned for me to come back. I looked over to Jimmy and he acknowledged me leaving.

“I’ll be right outside if you two need anything. Dr. O’Brien will be in a bit afterwards.” I nodded and walked into a dimly lit room. I saw machines all over, connecting all to Brian. I heard the steady rhythm of his heart. Lubb-dupp, lubb-dupp, lubb---beep, lubb-dupp. I winced as I heard the beep. Another machine printed out a slip of paper.

Brian looked up then away. I don’t think he knew it was me before he looked my way again. The little hairs on my body rose all over. My body was on alert, ready to accept what was coming up ahead.

“Why so serious, babe?” he said, slightly laughing.

“Of all the times you have to quote that movie, you have to do it now?” I hadn’t moved from my spot. I was scared to go near him, to touch him; to love him. I slowly walked over to his left and placed my hand on his.

“Seriously Mae, I don’t bite.” My lips came crashing down to his as soon as those words escaped his mouth. I placed my hand on his cold cheek and caressed it.

“Bri, what’s wrong?” I couldn’t hold it in. The river of tears began again.

“Baby, don’t cry. You know I don’t like to see you like that.” I nodded. “Something is wrong with my heart, from what I understand at least.” he blinked a couple of times, trying to stay strong. It was as though he was hiding something.

“What does that mean?” We heard a light knock at the door. A tall man with gray hair walked in.

“Hello Brian. You must be Mae, Brian has spoken quite a lot of you today. My name is Dr. Michael O’Brien.” He took my hand gently. He immediately left a warm presence in this cold room.

“Take a seat Mae,” he said as he sat down on the other side of the bed with Brian’s files in hand.

“Brian said he had some sort of heart condition. Is that true?” I asked at once. Brian started playing with the wires all over his body.

“Yes. He has MVP, Mitral Valve Prolapse. It’s quite common actually. Most people with MVP don’t suffer from it.” he shrugged his shoulders.

“So why did Brian?” I felt annoyed. My boyfriend had been having chest pains, and they’re merely dismissed.

“Let me first explain to you what happens to the heart.” He took out a picture of a cross-sectioned heart.

“See these two chambers? This right here is the left atrium, the bottom one is the left ventricle. This flap here is a valve, the mitral valve. They pump blood in and out of the heart, into the other chambers. When they work properly, the valve shuts and no blood is leaked back into the atrium. With MVP, the valves don’t function as they should. They’re weak, in a sense. They flap, either going up or may be pushed down into the chambers. This can cause blood to regurgitate which causes murmurs. I can let you listen to his if you like, you’ll get more of an understanding.” I immediately looked back at Brian. I remembered lying on his chest, listening to his heart beat, then almost skip. I glanced back at the doctor.

“We ran several tests that also showed he had MVP. As far as how serious it is, well I can’t lie to you. We need to run more tests, but my educational guess would be that Brian will need to get his valve fixed. Patients with MVP usually don’t need it, but every case is different. Brian did show all the symptoms of it though.”

“Which were?” I interrupted.

“Fatigue, anxiety, chest pain, murmurs heard through the stethoscope, irregular arrhythmias. That sort of thing.” he explain. Brian had every single one. How long had Brian been keeping this from us?

“Will that echocardiogram thing you were talking about earlier, will that tell you?” Brian finally spoke up. He was ignoring the conversation completely up until now. My guess would be that he had already spoken to him.

“From what I saw, you do hear the murmur, which indicates there is regurgitation going on. The cardiologist will explain to the both of you more in detail once we transfer you floors.”

As the nurses prepared Brian to be taken to a different floor, his eyes never left my own. Although he showed high spirits, his eyes told a different story.

“You’ll be out tomorrow afternoon, Mr. Haner. No need to worry.” the humble nurse spoke. The transition was only necessary because he needed a cardiologist to take a look, no an ER doctor.

Brian’s parents would be visiting next. I would go home and get dressed, maybe even get some sleep. Brian hadn’t been at the hospital long, only a day, but I was drained.

“Promise you’ll come back?” Brian asked as I stood up to leave.

“I won’t be gone long, love.” I answered.

My drive back home was as calm as before. I didn’t say a word or move when unnecessary. I gripped the steering wheel harder than before. I wiped a few stray tears away and took a deep sigh. Our lives were so calm and perfect before.

My phone rand nonstop but I didn’t answer. I was so zoned out that I simply didn’t hear it. I pulled up to our home and robotically turned off the engine. I got out and headed back in. I knew I needed to hurry but I took my time. My actions were slow and too mechanical. I had to think of how to place the key into the hole. I was losing precious time with Brian.

I had been losing all along.