Fragile

“Fucking hell, why God? Why do you have to punish me, don’t you think that I have been though enough?” I yelled aimlessly at the sky. Another roar of car horns blared in the distance and Brian snickered beside me.

“What the fuck are you laughing at?” I snapped.

“Your freaking out, I know you said that you were gonna pick them up from school but being late isn’t a problem, they just stay in their classroom with their teacher.”

“Yeah, I was supposed to pick them up at ten to three, its now twenty to four. The first fucking time I get chance to do something and I have already fucked up. I hate traffic, and since when did Huntingdon become like New York?” I asked.

“It didn’t, its just this thing called rush hour, your just not used to living a normal life so this is a whole new experience for you,” Brian said smiling. Why did I ask him to come? All he has done is irritate me.

“Shut the fuck up,” I smiled.

As you can tell, we are on our way to pick up the twins, but hey ho, God gave us traffic. Even though my day has been probably one of the most amazing days I’ve had in decades, this has just really killed my mood. It doesn’t help that its about three zillion degrees out and we are stuck in a car.

“Lets go to the beach!” I exclaimed.

“What?” Brian laughed.

“After we’ve picked them up, we can go to the beach,” I said.

“Okay, no need to shit yourself,” he grinned.

I laughed and smiled at the way he said it. It was like nothing had changed, no coma, no kids, no Denim, like our lives were before anything happened. Even though now I have actually met my children I wouldn’t change them for the world.

“When we get to the school your gonna have to sign a load of shit, just to say that you’re their other parent and you can pick them up without me there. Because the school’s not exactly gonna let random people go and pick little kids up.”

“Yeah, like wacko Jacko,” I laughed.

“Yeah, I wonder what happened to him?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean I haven’t heard about him in years,” he laughed.

It took us about five more minutes in the blaring heat before we pulled up outside the school. We jumped out and I quickly locked the car and jogged inside. I began following Brian down the highly decorated corridor and we turned into a room. It was painted pale yellow, pictures of hand prints and paintings of stick men littered the walls. There were pegs in the corner and boxes for where the kids put their stuff. In the far corner there was stencil paintings of flowers and trees on the wall. The tables were tiny with six multi coloured chairs around each of them, all the tables had small pots of crayons and pencils in the middle.

“Daddy!” Jake yelled from the far table where him and Jordan were sat with their heads down doing some scribbling on a piece of paper.

“Yes, believe it or not, we are finally here,” Brian laughed. He lead me over towards the desk to reveal a short, thin woman who was busy sorting paper into colour stacks.

“You must be Zacky,” she said holding her hand out.

“Yes,” I said shaking it.

“I am Miss Clifford, those boys haven’t shut up about you all day,” she said laughing.

“Well, at least they like me,” I joked.

I left Brian talking to the teacher and I walked over to the small table. I took a glance at the chair and decided that I wouldn’t even attempt to fit onto it, instead I knelt down next to Jordan. He smiled and held up the picture he was busying himself with. It was of two big men and two small men. The two bigger men were holding hands in the middle of the page with the two smaller ones joining off the ends of them. In the corner there was a green scribble, with what I could make out as a face, with another red scribble coming away from it.

“Who’s this then?” I asked.

“That’s you,” he said pointing to the smaller of the big men, “That’s daddy,” he said pointing to the other, “That’s me and that’s Jake,” he said pointing to the first small stick man who was holding my hand, then to the other smaller one that was attached to Brian’s hand.

“And, what’s this?” I asked pointing to the scribble in the corner.

“That’s the Dragon, she is called Denim,” he said. I mocked fake shock and laughed slightly.

“Okay, well don’t tell your daddy, or Denim, what it is because they wont be happy,” I said. He nodded happily and put his crayons away. I looked over at what Jake was doing and by the looks of it, it was just making a mess. I smiled and helped him pack away.

Once we had done everything and I had signed the paperwork and shit we were soon on our way to the beach. It turns out that Brian is sad and keeps spare swim shit in the car, so that suits fine as we are in his car. I had put Jordan’s picture safe, something I was going to definitely put on the refrigerator later. We soon pulled up and walked down onto the sandy shore. Nothing here had changed, it was like a comfort zone, knowing that there was something back here that I know.

I fell down on the sand, just a few feet away from the sea, and removed my t-shirt, lying back, looking up at the clouds.

“What are you doing, Vengeance?” Brian laughed, setting himself next to me.

“Exactly the same as you, Gates,” I laughed. His face suddenly lit up and he smiled at me. I frowned.

“Gates. I haven’t been called that since the band broke up,” he smiled. I laughed and looked out to where Jordan and Jake were playing with the sand.

“You know, I will try and end it with Denim as soon as possible.”

“Why don’t you try and make her break up with you, then it will be easier, or just tell her straight out,” I said.

“Thank God you’ve said that, I could never break up with her after everything that I have put her through,” he sighed. My heart weakened a tiny bet then, I understand how he cant break up with her, its just the fact that technically its me who he is having this ‘affair’ with, when reality says that I am the most realistic person to be with.

I sighed and continued looking at the small, white clouds move through the sky. I smiled as I heard the soft voices in the distance and the waves crashing slightly against the sand. I sat up and crossed my legs in front of me, watching Jake and Jordan messing about in the sand a few feet away. Brian copied my actions and also sat up, sitting by my side.

“They’ve always been that happy,” he smiled, “I was hoping that maybe something good would happen and they turned out happy, I wouldn’t want miserable kids.”

“I overheard you and Michelle arguing the other night, she said something about depression, what-”

“About five and a half months of being on my own, I realised how hard it was, it wasn’t as if I had one kid to look after, it was two, by myself. I went a bit crazy, I didn’t go out, I didn’t see anybody, anything. I did everything over the internet, I ordered the babies stuff and things for me, but I just didn’t want to go out. I had so much trouble sleeping, the nightmares and the crying, so I just, stayed in. That lasted about a year until I woke up one morning and I just thought ‘what the fuck am I doing’ you know. And it just stopped,” he explained sighing.

I didn’t know what exactly to say. An awkward silence hung in the air. I swayed from side to side slightly, trying to get comfortable in the sand. I think Brian noticed my discomfort, I mean, its not everyday you find out that the love of your life turned into a depressed freak, to put it bluntly. I felt his eyes stare at me as I faced towards the two young boys that were currently burying each other in the sand, his hand crawled towards my own and grasped it tightly. I turned to him and smiled. That was all that was needed to make the uncomfortable atmosphere pass.