oh my god<33 thats hell. i dont think you took your cats life for granted if you were willing to let him die in the arms that loved him<33 my cat died too. she was sixteen. nineteen is old.
I'm my goodness...I'm so sorry. Remember all of the good times you had with him...and how much fun he was. Maybe that will help...you know atleast now he's in a better place. Like lovethelie said, Stay Strong...everything will be okay in the long run. *hugs you* -Katie xx