first of all...you did love him, duh. anyone can see that but that doesn't mean you should end the pain and suffering. think of what it would do to your family. especially since there's so much ahead of you that you can do. don't let him do that to you. and that doesn't make you foolish. 2...he might have meant it but i dunno what to say actually there and 3...you can be happy without him there, i'm not saying forget about him. no that'd be wrong but try and do things you like and hang with your friends again. they are the best support system right now. *hugs* hope everything gets better.