"A student should not only excel in his or her studies but in help build, restore..." Did you mean to put the word "in" before "help" or is that a typo?
"These children need the help of people who are able..." I think you should expand on what you mean by "able", as it's a little bit vague.
Also, I would talk more about WHY the things that you have done make you a "good" person, rather than just pointing out what you've done.
Other than that, I really like your use of language, it's strong and confident and purposeful. I think this is a great short essay.
"These children need the help of people who are able..." I think you should expand on what you mean by "able", as it's a little bit vague.
Also, I would talk more about WHY the things that you have done make you a "good" person, rather than just pointing out what you've done.
Other than that, I really like your use of language, it's strong and confident and purposeful. I think this is a great short essay.