Scholarship Essay, please help review? - Comments

  • Arcane-Inamorata

    Arcane-Inamorata (100)

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    Member
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    Albania
    "A student should not only excel in his or her studies but in help build, restore..." Did you mean to put the word "in" before "help" or is that a typo?

    "These children need the help of people who are able..." I think you should expand on what you mean by "able", as it's a little bit vague.

    Also, I would talk more about WHY the things that you have done make you a "good" person, rather than just pointing out what you've done.

    Other than that, I really like your use of language, it's strong and confident and purposeful. I think this is a great short essay.
    March 2nd, 2012 at 10:07pm