Big Fish In A Little Pond. - Comments

@ synsdeepinmyblood
Exactly! That is the same way with me. My dad comes home earlier now because he changed his work shift and it sucks. When school starts again I will have at least an hour or two for myself. I feel the same way. It's like I can not do anything in my own home unless it is in my room.

Reading and writing is what allows me to slip away from this reality.

@ ravaged.
Your dad seems very similar to mines. He lies alot too. I've been off for two weeks for Christmas break and this week he's been off to, it's been horrible. I usually enjoy the breaks because I can lounge about until he comes in from work. I haven't been able to do that with him here though. Its as if I dont feel comfortable in my own home around him. 

Yeah, my brother spends most of his time with his girlfriend too. 

That's annoying that your father does that. You'd think he would have gotten the message by now, but they never do. 

Thanks, I'm usually on mibba alot too. Reading something imaginary allows me to forget reality for a while. :)

@ synsdeepinmyblood
I hate it as well. My father does that a lot. Recently, since I am off on break he didn't go to work one day and he constantly bugged the hell out of me. And when my mother came home he lied straight to her face and said he went to work all day. When she confronted him when I told her he did not go to work he kept denying it. He probably did that because he was so high.

Yeah I am glad I have her, but now all she does is hang out with her boyfriend and no one ever sees her anymore. With her latt boyfriend and her new boyfriend she is a completely different person. The same thing with my sister and I. We are close, but I do not tell her my feelings.

Exactly, but my father can not do anything by himself. He wants to go out everyone, but he will not go alone. I actually kind of like it when he argues with one of us because then he gets all mad and stays in the room. When my mom is mad at my father we can actually go out without him which is a huge relief.

I feel the exact same way. You are one of the very few people I have talked to about myself. It is nice to know I actually have someone there for me who will listen to me. And I will be here for you whenever you need me. I am always here on mibba. It is my escape from my life. The same goes for me. You know so much more about me then anyone.

@ ravaged.
I hate when people do that. When you confront them they somehow turn it around to make YOU look like the bad one then act like nothing happened even though its engraved into your memory. 

That's good that you have your sister. I think most people act different with a group of friends. My brother does the same. We're close but not so close that i'd confide in him and tell him my feelings. 

I had that for a while when we moved back. Sometimes them wanting to spend time with you is worse than them not wanting anytime with you atall. It just makes you push them further away. 

I do the same. My mum has no idea that I'm still upset about her going against my wishes and getting back with my dad and I've only ever mildly told my friend that I feel lonely sometimes because she doesnt willingly want to hang out with me and i feel like shes waiting to find something better but she told me I was paranoid, that she did want to spend time with me and I shouldn't feel that way. It did nothing to reassure me so I just keep things to myself now. Though I feel like a weight has been lifted by discussing this with you. I'm always here to listen to you. Though you don't know me personally, you know alot more than what my friends and family do. 

@ synsdeepinmyblood
We actually hung out once in the past few months and she acted like everthing was normal between us. She was the one who ignored me for weeks and lied straight to my face. Now I know we are just better off not being friends because she has completely changed and is not the person I once knew. I feel the same way when I am on my own.

My sister, sometimes, is like my best friend yet others times when she is front of her friends she acts completely different. She is like my second mother considering the fact that she is six years older then myself.

I wish my father would not go anywhere. He used to be like that just staying home, but ever since he left and came back he has start acting like he wants to be a part of our lives. He wants to do everything with us and I want nothing to do with him. I am surprised my dad actually got something nice for Christmas for my mom. He is so cheap because he only likes to spend his money on his smoking and drug addiction.

I have no one to talk to about my issues so I just keep it all bottled up inside which I know is a bad thing.

@ ravaged.
Sounds like you did good by getting away from her. I don't even know if my friend is dating the guy she's texting as she doesn't tell me. Whenever I'm with her though she's constantly on her phone which irritates me, it's like whatever i'm saying isn't intersting enough for her to give me her full attention, yknow? Sometimes your own company is the best, whenever I go out on my own I actually feel kinda free in a way..like I'm not restricted and I can do what I actually want to without having to please other people.

You seem far from an idiot or a retard and infact pretty smart by keeping away from him, I do the same with my dad. He doesn't take us out anywhere so I don't have to worry about awkward family trips or anything like that and even though we live together we barely share a few words except the odd remark that is often said in a rude manner. It was actually my brothers birthday today and he didn't even wish him a happy birthday or even acknowledge him infact, it was the same on Christmas..when I came down the stairs I recieved a 'What you doing up?' and then was made to go on a hunt to find the wrapping paper because HE had left it to the last minute to wrap my mums annual 'give this to her so she'll be happy and then i can go to the pub' gift.

I agree, whenever I talk to my friends who also have issues with their dad/family they don't seem to understand the situation I'm in as most of them dislike their dads because he's never had anything to do with them period whereas mines unfortunately has but he most certainly isn't something to be envious of.

@ synsdeepinmyblood
I know how you feel. My friend (if I can even call her that) only talked to me and used when she wanted something or wanted some type of company besides her new friends. Everytime she would get a new boyfriend (which was a lot) she would not talk to me for long periods and when she did it was when she wasn't with her boyfriend which was rare. I thought we would be friends for a long time, but now I see I am better off even though at times I feel quite lonely.

Honestly, now I try to stay away from him any chance I get. It causes me less pain instead of being in a conversation where I am called a retard or idiot by him. There is no point in forgiving him when he continues to cause me the same pain no matter what.

You are very welcome.It feels kind of nice to know I am not the only one who feels like I do. I hope the same for you.

@ ravaged.
I feel a little releaved that someone else has went through what I have but at the same time I shouldn't because nobody should go threw any of that.

My friend is lovely when we're together. I know she wouldn't bitch about me or anything like that but it's the constant feeling that I'm being lied to or left out (mainly over guys). My previous best friend fucked up my trust towards friendship big time, also involving a guy. I feel as if I'm being used until she eventually gets in a relationship with the guy and then I'll be left (even though the guy is actually a player who texts pretty much every girl and is just giving her hope that something will come of their 'friendship' when really he only wants one thing. I've warned her many times but I've given up now because I think she thinks I'm jealous when really I'm just looking out for her.) Sometimes I really do think it's in my own head but like you said, if it's meant to be then it's meant to be.

I've been told the same thing you have many times and I often hear "but he's still your dad though" when I've stated my feelings towards him as if that title is automatically supposed to make me love and forgive him for all the shit he's done. I don't think anyone understands the relief to be away from someone like that, have your spirits high and then be brought back down again when they're pushed back into your life. I think you're right not to forgive him, especially when he doesn't deserve nor will he most likely appreciate forgiveness.

Thanks for giving me hope. I hope that everything has sorted itself out for you.

As I was reading this I felt like I was reading about myself. I can relate to many of things you wrote about and described. I know how you feel about your friends. I thought I had a best friend once. We were friends for ten years and now we rarely ever see each other even though we literally live a house away. Honestly, if your friendship is meant to be then it will.

I know how you feel with your family because I feel the same way about my father. I lived without him for a year and it was the best year of my life. Everyone tells me I am only hurting myself because I have not forgiven him, but I can't forgive someone who brings me down everyday of my life.

All I can tell you is that eventually when you get away from it all it will get better.