Common Misconceptions about D/S Writing and lifestyle. - Comments

I completely agree with this, and many of the comments. Its not just in writing but also in real life that many people are jumping on the bandwagon thanks to books like Fifty Shades, and to me its very sad. There are a lot of misinformed people out there that do not understand the true ideals behind a D/s relationship. And I will admit at first I had the same ideas, that bdsm was something fun to try and spice things up. But then I researched into the actual lifestyle (which wasn't that hard) and my views changed.

I've been in a D/s relationship for five months now and it's a wonderful feeling. As is finding stories to read about that kind of experience. Don't get me wrong, I do like my one-shot smut when I feel like reading (or writing) for quick thrills. I agree that certain terms can be over used in stories, although I personally don't mind the occasional bitch or slut, but like you said not every other word.

I also agree with @CharmedLuna in the fact that a lot of times after care is not mentioned, this is very sad among writing and even worse irl let alone dangerous. People on the bandwagon do not understand the deeper components like this (I had to teach my man about it personally.)

I also would like to compliment you on you're portrayal of both a true D/s relationship and a sub-par more mainstream idealed relationship in your story His Porcelain Doll. It shows both sides of the coin in my point of view and I thoroughly enjoy reading. I also will be on the lookout for the authors you mentioned as well. :)

I think the thing that bothers me the most is people confusing abusive relationships with BDSM and/or D/S. Neither are about abuse for Christ's sake, I wish people would just understand that.

People seem to be looking for a quick way to spice up their stories, to make the characters' sex lives a little less vanilla. But they go about it in all the wrong ways. They think by adding some spanking and derogatory name calling they're riding the BDSM&D/S bus to a "best seller". No no no no NO! I'm so tired of looking at a story and seeing the "Contains BDSM" warning and then reading it and finding that I've just wasted an hour of my time on poorly written soft core. It's murky vanilla at best. Where is the substance people?

Like you, I wish people would just research! Ask someone more informed, or google, google is your friend people. Hell, if all else fails, fall back on the good porn. And I'm not talking the mainstream bullshit that's all skanky moans and oiled up players. Look for the stuff so underground you'll wonder how you even found it. That's where the genius is.

And I have rambled. I really should be in bed

Everyone has made very good points. I agree with @gothique4 it has become a bandwagon and everyone just wants to pinch in. To each its own, but there can be an improvement in the language. It's all I'm saying. I think someone mentioned the "aftercare" which is very important in all BDSM relationships real or not.

I think with some of the authors on here it's more of a bandwagon thing and they start to copy what's popular. From what I've noticed in the couple years I've been here is the gang stories exploded, then the sex slave stories, the student/teacher etc. Whatever's popular at the moment will influence what a lot of the authors will write about.

I'm not sure if this is a good thing or not, as there is such a thing as overkill if it gets too overdone and every second story is BDSM. I've seen some that made me cringe and basically had no plot, and others that were really well written and looked like the author had made an effort to research the lifestyle.

@ Grump Bunny
Oh, not, not at all. It makes perfect sense.

@ dru in flight.
Yeah, that's why I added it. I didn't want to make it seem that just because I'm uncomfortable reading it, that I think that it's "wrong". It's just a personal preference, sorry if I made it sound offensive or anything.

@ Grump Bunny
It's personal to everyone (regarding dislike of derogatory names). I can't stand the sir/Master/Mistress/ma'am thing. I hate it, I find it disrespectful and the very thought of having to do it makes me angry. (I just don't use names.)

There's nothing that has to be accepted and there's no "one way" to "do" BDSM.

i did not (and will not) ready 50 shades of gray. i write bdsm because i'm interested and i've participated in real life. i'm a member of a bdsm community and have friends who are also open about living the lifestyle.

i cannot comment on the correlation of 50 shades and bdsm fic, but it's been badly written long before that piece of "literature" came out. i hate it when there's no understand of a dom/sub relationship, when there's no aftercare, when there's no acknowledgement of limits and why things are progressing this way.

i pretty much only read bdsm on livejournal and only when rec'd. it's too hard to find good shit.

I'll agree with ladyschrei. It goes by reader/writer preference. I've never even read the 50 Shades of Grey book before so I have no idea what they are even doing in the story, but I write about BDSM stuff anyway. I may not be the most informed, but I also am not sitting down writing a story that I'm trying to get published either on this site. Sometimes I will research said lifestyles, but sometimes I just enjoy free writing about the subject. I like to write smut and personally, if me and my man practiced any BDSM or D/S in my own home, I don't mind the terms, "slut, bitch, or whore." I personally like them, but that doesn't mean everyone does. To me it goes along with my plot line of the females being dominated by a strong male in some of my stories. So I guess it is just how I prefer to write? I can agree with you on how some people who just take guesses and write these types of stories to be in the trend can become slightly agitating. It kind of takes away from the real authors who have hands on experience and knowledge of said lifestyles.

I just feel like people write what they want, you know? The thing is, a lot of writers online who write D/S and/or BDSM relationships aren't in any of those relationships themselves. Not all, but some. It's a hot topic to write about, and I feel they copy other styles they see online. What I mean by that is if someone reads multiple smut stories online where the sub is being called names like bitch/whore/slut all the time, that's what they're going to write. Perhaps they could be misinformed, or that's just how they prefer to read/write their smut. Who knows.

I think it goes on the type of story as well. If it's supposed to be taken more seriously, and have an underlying plot along with the smut, then it should have more of a published-BDSM-novel feel to it. If it's a short story, or just a story in general, that's more porn than anything, I can see why they write smut like that. It's what that type of reader looks for.

For example, I read wrestling fanfics all the time on FF.net, that are BDSM and/or D/S stories where the entire thing is porn. That's what I'm looking for, though, That dirty-smut type feel, where I'd rather read the hardcore sex with the subs being called names than anything else.

If someone wants a more serious type of story, I'm sure they go looking for it.

What I'm trying to say is, it just goes by reader/writer preference.

I always feel awkward when I read some BDSM or D/S, mainly because I am interested in D/S, but one of the things that really throws me off is the derogatory terms, like "slut, whore, bitch" I've even talked to my BF about it, and that's just one of the things that would put a damper on my mood.

And What your friend Kayla said, "It's about them making sure to never do anything that will make you feel violated or hurt." Some of what I read just seems to cross a line, but I know that's my individual person line.

I'll be sure to check out Maya Bank, Shayla Black, and Lora Leigh. :o