April 22nd, 2013 at 09:00am
Dear, I think that's more than just the morning blues. It sounds like you're depressed. And you ARE a strong person, believe it or not. You feel so damn fragile, but the fact that you do get up and face the world and face your parents even when you feel like a failure, that's strength.
But I am going to tell you, you're not going to be happy until you become yourself. All of those hidden doubts and dreams, that's who you really are. You're not your brothers, and I know it's terrible to feel like a disappointment to your parents. It's hard to put your foot down and decide you're not becoming what people want you to become. But to be happy you might need to do just that.
It's not easy to say or do and you might not be happy right away, and you will be scared as hell but if you end up feeling content in the morning, feeling that maybe you have found where you belong or you're finding that you like where you're future is heading, then you'll find the person you like.
Maybe when you get out of school, start looking for something that YOU want to do; not necessarily a desk job and not necessarily a top college, but something that feels right to you. That gut feeling that you'll like doing whatever it is you find.
I'm glad I'm not alone with this - and I haven't tried a help line, that never crossed my mind. Thanks for that.
@ Queen of Suburbia
Wow umm...thank you. What you've said has really sort of given me another perspective - especially about not being strong, I never thought that facing the world when I don't want to is a strength. I guess it is in a way.
Thanks, I appreciate that you took the time to comment, it makes me feel like at least someone cares.