Dear you, - Comments

Hope so xxx

@ Imagine Dragons Now!
You're already there xxx

It could still be if you tried. Its too late for me x

@ Imagine Dragons Now!
Actually it says what doesn't kill you makes you stranger, which is a Joker quote but hey... I wish it could be that way :/ xxx

@ TheJoker'sDaughter
Stick by your quote Abby. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. We aren't dead are we? So we can still be friends. We need to help one another. Bring in the peace. I'm on no one's side cos I wont lose any of you. I love you both xxx

@ Imagine Dragons Now!
Seriously, you have no idea how much this all means to me :') I really don't want you to apologise, because you did absolutely nothing wrong, it was just me and my stupid problems. I want you to stay with Jess, with Emma, and everyone else rather than them hating you and you only having me. You need them. Don't get me wrong, I want nothing more than to go back a few months to when we were planning our survival of the apocalypse, to be friends with you all and not feel like I do now, or not being able to chat to you guys. I guess that's selfish if you think about it :/ I'm ok on my own, I'm used to being alone. You guys though.... you guys need to stick together, idk what I'd do if I saw you and Jess fight xxx

@ GoddessOfMischief16
Jess, I understand you completely, and like beth, you have no need what so ever to be apologising to me. I'm the one that should be apologising, but I know you'd never accept it even if I did knock on your door one day, and say "someone's here to see you," and see your face as Tom Hiddleston's standing on your drive way. And trust me, I've been wanting to do that for a long time. But I don't think even that's enough :/
You don't have to be friends with me if you don't want to, y'know, it's better not to look at a spider and pretend it's not there than to scare yourself. Don't get me wrong, both of you, I really, really want us to be friends again, but I know if that can never happen, no matter how good I am with words, or how big the font size is when I say sorry to you, or how shexie Tom looks on your drive. I'm a retarded waste of space that just needs to be left alone, a really selfish, immature whopping great liar that needs to be put in a petting zoo and told to sit, play dead and roll over.
I'm just happy that you guys are acknowledging me at all after what I did to you all. And I don't think there's any "thank you" big enough for that, either xxx

@ GoddessOfMischief16
Jess, I get what it feels to feel confused and paranoid and I know it's awful. That's the thing up with me at the moment and I too doubt my sanity but that doesn't mean any of us or indifferent or unnatural. It's just our way of dealing with tricky and complicated situations. I care about you both and that's why i feel i need to make it right with both of you. I love you more than words can say and Abby, I'lk never forget all you did for me and for that I'm so thankful and I'm so sorry that my ignorance didn't see how much my best friend was hurting. I was too wrapped up in it all to even remember how close we were. I wrote a song about what we had this morning and it hurt so much to write because i knew every word was true and some of the memories are the ones that are forming into demons as I've not really seen ir spoke to you in ages. Turn on your phone because i need to talk to you and try and explain what i mean. Im sorry i didnt say this sooner...xxx

Beth, I wish all of it could be the same again too. I really do, don't get me wrong. But Abby, you have to understand too, both of you have to understand, that what I went through that time was the worst week of my life. I don't mean it personally to you Abby, but you have to understand that I don't want that again, and for all I know, it COULD happen again. Sometimes, especially recently, I've considered the fact that I could be mentally ill because of it all, because I'm so constantly paranoid about... everything... when there might be no need to be.

I dunno.. the whole thing scarred me deeply... yes, I do want things to be the way they used to be Abby, make no mistake... but I dunno if I can force myself to do it. To be honest, it's probably me getting hyped up over what was a small thing, but it's like an irrational fear with me now. Like spiders. You know they can't hurt you, but you jump away screaming when you see one anyway.

Just please be patient with me Abby. I'm sorry. For everything. All the times I might have said stuff in anger at you. I didn't really mean them... I'm just scared. And that's what's making me angry. Just remember that. It's not as much your fault as you think. Probably not at least

And I'm sorry if none of that made any sense. I just... dunno what I'm feeling right now.

@ TheJoker'sDaughter
Of course I miss you and im glad you know it now. I know Jess wont ever forgive what happened as such but i know that you can't hurt yourself because that'd hurt me too. You and i did everything together and i obviously miss our friendship because it was so strong. I know things are broken at the moment between us and I also know now that with you and her, it will probably never be whole again, but a part of me still hopes that i can still be friends with you also because you maybe have made a mistake, we all have but i do sort of get how you feel. I know how bad it feels to feel empty and makeup things in yoyr head to discard the thought. I get that the guilt that you put yourself through must be more painful than actual physical pain. Im sorry i wasnt here for you when you lost your grandad and im sorry i only gave you your present today. To be honest i lied, i couldve given it to you last Monday but i was afraid of making her feel weird or awkward, which was still wrong of me cos i shouldve jusy been strong and given it to you anyway because after all thats happened and all that you put yourself through you deserve it. I hope you like it chick, i bought it months ago with my mum and we both thought youd like it. Im sorry i never sit with you anymore in class, i actually do want to but i dont because i feel its too late to make it right. I do want to be friends again but i feel guilty even saying that because i shouldve said it months ago but truth is i wasnt even sure bqck then and the only reason im sure of it now is that reading how sad you were/are actually made me think over things and then i realised. We had so much and i cant let one of the closest people to me get upset or even wirse let us break completely apart. I hope you understand but i get it if you dont. Jess, uf youre reading this, i woukdve said this sooner but i was actually tearing up remembering all the great days i had with both of you. I love you both and a while ago i promised id stay friends with both of you but i guess that was more difficult that i origionally thought. But i need to keep to my word not only cos i want our friendship back but because i feek i need it back. I love you guys more than i love writing songs and i do love it. Ive written a couple dedicated to you and i hope someday i can tell you both in the best wirds i can think of how beautiful and thoughtful you both are. I miss thedays wd had Abby and i cant let you hurt yourself like this. Know that i'lk forever care about you even when you feel no one doesnt. Know that i do even if i dont say it enough...x

@ midnight sunshine x
Thanks, I'm sorry to hear about you and your cousin :/ I might not write them on mibba, I might, I don't know, suffocate a notebook with them or something x3

@ Imagine Dragons Now!
Beth, you have no idea how many tissues are here on my bed, I mean, I can't see the dog in all of it. Just.... wow... you have no idea how much that paragraph means to me :') I'm surprised that you miss me, mostly because I know I miss you, but I wouldn't have thought you'd miss me back :'/
one min... *hunts for the dog in the pile of tissues*
But yeah, I miss you guys too, and I guess that's why I've been so empty recently, not being able to come and chat with you at break and dinner, or being able to comfort you when you get slagged off by a too-old-you-seriously-need-to-buy-a-bungalow-and-a-corgi teacher. I miss you guys *runs away crying, the dog's safe though* xxxx

I'm saying this in confidence now because we've been speaking and both of us still care so much about your well-being. I will always be here for you and I personally know what's it's like to screw things up and spend forever regretting them. I also know what it's like to feel like you're on your own when really shit things happen. Yes, I know I have less problems than you so it must be much harder for you, but what I do also know is how much I still care and how much I still need you to be strong. Sorry, if I'm out of order for asking you to be strong for us but I think I can say this for her too, that we both need you to hold your head up high and speak to me if you ever feel like you need to end it. You were and still are my best friend, Abby and if you think I don't care and if you think I don't miss you then you're sadly mistaken. I miss you every day and you will always be in my heart. I feel I miss you like I miss Angel. Yes, I know she was my dog but she was also my best friend and that's why I can't lose you like this. I can't let my best friend hurt her self emotionally or even physically for that matter. if you feel so small and empty that the ones you are nearest to don't care for you, then know that they do! Your mum loves you and so does your brother. I love you, you were and still are a big part in my life and I need to know that you're going to be okay. Not for my own conscience, but because I can't stand the thought of anything bad happening to you. I miss the days when I'd say to my mum "oh, I can't wait for tomorrow! Me and Abby are going cinemas and watching War Horse and yeah, we might cry but at-least we'll be there for each other when we do." I miss the times were we'd laugh over stupid things and make recordings that were daft and made no sense because we knew it'd be fun. I miss the old us, who'd be us and we wouldn't give a damn what anyone said or thought. I miss my best friend and this person who's feels so empty and lonely is making me feel like I need to change it. I want the old you back. The happy you. You were the closest person to me and I still remember all the crazy, fun things we did together. I love you and Jess and Emma more than any of my other friends in the entire world. You mean so much to me and I need the happy you back. Remember when we went Haigh hall? And you were practicing your amazing photography skills and I completely failed? But it didn't really matter anyways cos we had so much fun spending time together. And I made you watch all those horrors that terrified you but you ended up liking them anyway. Remember when we watched the shining, and we both thought we'd crap ourselves but instead we just laughed at Jack Nicholson losing his ability to speak at the end? I know I've written like a paragraph here, but I really do feel for you and I need you to know that you can't go through with this. You have to stay strong. Things can be like they used to be again. That's if you want them to be of course. Cos I've grown to realize that I need you to be happy, Abby. I need your strong personality and character back in my life. This sounds so selfish of me, but I feel I need to put things right. I need you to know that you shouldn't feel guilty over what happened. I understand it better now and I understand you better. I'm sorry I didn't say any of this beforehand. I just know that I need to say it now. I care for you a heck of a lot Abby and I miss you more than I can ever say. I have your birthday present in my bag. I'll give it you tomorrow and I'm so sorry it's late. Don't let what's happened in the past bring you down Abby and remember that you have and will always be my best friend and I love you more than I can say. I miss you...x x x

This must be really tough for you, a similar thing is happening to my cousin. If writing this blog helps, keep doing it because it's a perfect way to get your feelings out. Don't ever consider ending your life, things will get better. Know that I, and all of Mibba, are behind you x