Banished From Church || Branded 'Satan' || Life Update - Comments

@ Join the Masquerade
I was more shocked but if I'm honest the second I left the church I started laughing.

Quote

The priest shouted. "Satan himself walks the earth" and had me kicked out.

OMG. I don't know if I'd be able to keep a straight face if someone said that to me hahaha


"She's speaking in tongues! Of unholy alliances!"

@ ptvjaime
Now that would be a good idea, I might suggest that when I go to attempt to talk to the priest tomorrow.

@ vickyptv
Catholic people have ridiculous rules.
With all those collections they take in, they should buy grape juice and Club crackers.
Solves everything.

@ ptvjaime
exactly, I still don't understand the whole thing if I'm honest. I don't understand what we actually did wrong.

@ vickyptv
Yeah, if you can't keep down the "body of Christ," you're supposed to be Satan or possessed by Satan.
Well excuse me for not liking their cheap wine or their dry crackers.

@ Queen of Suburbia
after the shock went, I did. Even now, remembering it makes me laugh till I look like a seal.

>.< I'd have busted out laughing as soon as I was kicked out.

@ ptvjaime
I'll do my best for you.
I told Satan not to call me while I was in church. I just snorted. I really wish now I would of thought about something like that when it happened. Oh no, instead I blamed the 7 year old kid sat next to me. I'm an awful person for that but that kid looked beyond bored and looked like he wanted to get out of there if I'm honest.

I think the whole spitting the wine out just made it ten times worse though. They say if you don't keep it down or whatever, you're the devil. Or something like that. I'm not religious so I wouldn't know the whole procedure or sayings.

@ vickyptv
Summon Lilith for me, I've always wanted to meet her.
No, I tend to compound problems by making awkward jokes like Chunk from The Goonies.
"If you believe in predestination, this was meant to happen."
"I told Satan not to call me while I was in church."
"Clearly this is proof I was not meant to be here today."

@ ptvjaime
I'll let you know how it goes, that's if it doesn't hit worldwide news before I get chance to tell you.
Oh my gosh, that has to be the funniest thing ever. It sounds so religious until the whole fuck your faith bit so I can imagine how you felt by not knowing what to do. Did you try to blame anyone else? Because I did the first time before apologising.

@ vickyptv
Do it.
Please summon demons in the middle of your town because that would be the greatest thing ever.
I don't know what was worse, the fact that it went off...
Or the fact that I just kept staring at it like I had no idea what was happening or what to do to stop it.

@ ptvjaime
I choked on my drink while reading this. I thought this kind of bad luck only ever happened to me. I can actually picture that in my mind right now. It has to be the most awkward yet funny thing that has happened to me this year. The weird thing is about it is that my phone was locked and everything and it started playing all by itself. I'll be lucky if I don't get banished from my town very shortly, because of it.

I'll be Satan with you, it sounds like fun. You've actually given me an idea to start up some cult now with my friends and start doing rituals in the middle of town to summon demons. I'm taking this too far but I find it hilarious.

I yawned and fell asleep during a Wednesday night church service because it was hella warm and they turned all the lights off.
And I hadn't slept well in days and I had been rudely woken from a nap just to get dragged there.
And I obliged a friend by going to church with her only to have my phone start screaming, "Hallelujah! Well, I'm saved. It's a miracle. Thank you Jesus. Hallelujah, I'm saved. FUCK YOUR FAITH."
I was like, "Thanks, Oli, really needed that."
Come be Satan with me, we'll be Satan together.