You do not need to worry about your stories or anything other than getting yourself better; we will love you regardless if you log on every hour or every year
I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, you're in my prayers. One of my favorite quotes from Winnie the Pooh to cheer you up:
"Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day".
I hope you come into light and peace soon dear ^_^