Why Won't Parents Let Their Children Be Themselves? - Comments

You know, I have this problem. My sister freaked out yesterday because after reading all my facebook conversations she found out I was bi and I was dating a girl. She's had nightmares about me being a lesbian, and she told me, and I told her I was not a lesbian. I did not lie.

She began to cry and I also recently dyed my hair pink. Yes, pink, but it faded to salmon and now it's a dark brunette with a ginger hue. The thing is; my family is COMPLETELY against this.

Same with band merch. My mom hides all my band shirts and she cried when I dyed my hair. I told her it was just hair, she just kept crying and asking where the fuck did I go and with who I went, as if I was taking meth.

My mom is fine with alcohol, my sister's fine with weed. It's all fine if it involves military kids, or people who they DEEPLY DEEPLY KNOW, and anyone new is probably a drug dealer anyway.

WElcome to my life.

@ ladyschrei

I can't stand needles and I did it. It looks like a big sowing needle for piercings. At least it does in England.

The only reason I have a tattoo is because it means something to me. And I mean it's one of those things I KNOW I am still going to like in twenty years.

I agree with this a lot. My dad doesn't like tattoos/piercings. I've always mostly wanted my lip pierced (I'm on again/off again with the idea because I don't know how it would look on me so I'd get a fake one first to try out or something) but I mean, it's not like he or anyone else can stop me from getting them. The number one rule of my house has always been that if anyone wants piercings/tattoos, we have to pay for them ourselves, unless it was like, an ear piercing or something.

I don't have any piercings/tattoos though there is a few I'm considering once I have a job and can pay for stuff like that. Though I am afraid of needles so I'm not too sure how well that will work out My brother was covered in tattoos though, and my sister had two on her back, so I know they won't freak out when I get mine. What I want is mostly gonna cover the insides of my arms and a few on my shoulders and stuff lol.

I just think as long as whatever it is has been thought out, then it's okay. Like wear fake piercings or attempt drawing tattoos on yourself or use spray dye to pick a color, things like that. Like there was this girl at my school that whenever her sister would get a tattoo, she'd get one too, and they were kinda ridiculous ones. I mean I try not to judge someone for their tattoos, but like, they the girls are American with I guess Italian heritage, and the one got the Italian flag in a heart tattooed on her lower back above her butt or something, and only because her older sister had gotten a tattoo. And I feel like that's the kind of stuff kids will regret, and that's bad parenting on their parents part. I mean, she was only in like, freshman year or something when she did it. I think that counts as too young.

@ castiel's vessel

You can get any piercings minus genital at 16 with photo ID without your parents consent. The parents cannot be held accountable if the child ends up with blood poisoning if it is proved that the child did not have parental consent and showed ID to the piercer.

I know that because my ear got badly infected and my parents faced a law suit so I came out and said "no they had nothing to do with it" basically. They were let off.

When it comes to piercing and tattoos, if you are under 18 you are still your parent's responsibility and if you get an infection or something goes terribly wrong if they had to give consent, the blame lies on them and they can get into serious trouble for negligence if their child ends up with blood poisoning. So I understand if a parent doesn't allow their child under 18 not have piercing or tattoos if it requires them giving consent.

I'm glad that the tattoo artist refused to tattoo me at 16 because now at 18, the tattoo that I wanted I know I would have regretted. In fact, I've changed so much since I was 16 and now I don't think I want any other piercing whereas when I was 15 I wanted my tongue and nose pierced. My nose was a no because my sixth form didn't allow that - which is another reason why parents might say no. If you're still in education, piercings and tattoos are generally not allowed to be shown, and I know in my school this guy got his lip pierced and wasn't even allowed a clear thing through the hole to keep it open. He had to take it out and allow it to close until he left school. Also if you really want something, waiting one or two years until you do not need your parent's consent to do it won't kill you - it'll show that you actually do want it if you wait for those years and still want it.

With going to concerts, I can totally understand parents not wanting their child to go. Even though my parents let me go with my friend at 14, you are still a child and you parent's responsibility and if the concert is in a completely different town or city (I had to go to Manchester that was over 4 hours away from where I live) they have every right to be worried and not want to let you go. Anything can happen and there's always the worry about drugs and broken bones/injuries. Yes, compromising can be made with a parent going with that child - I always had to go with someone, so when I was 16, I went with my adult sister and then in May of this year, a month before I turned 18, I went with my dad - but going to concerts is entertainment, not a right.

Internet friends are a sticky situation because you may Skype them but that doesn't mean you know who they actually are. People lie on the Internet, even if they do go on cam with you. No matter your age, I believe that you should always be accompanied by someone whenever you meet an Internet friend. I've been talking to one Internet friend since I was 13, I've Skyped her, friended her on Facebook and Twitter, but I still wouldn't meet her alone because she might not be who she appears to be in my eyes because what you display for people to see isn't always the truth.

I may have lived with parents who allowed me to do things freely, but I still had their worry and concern. They just trusted me because I gave them reason to trust me. There's a difference between not letting children be themselves in terms of what they listen to, what they watch on the telly and what they do in their spare time and not letting children do things that need parental consent. If you were restricted on what you could wear, listen to, etc. I would say that you weren't allowed to be yourself, but if you're not allowed to get a piercing because your parent does not want to give their consent, then that is NOT stopping you from being yourself - that's their right.

Parents are in a sticky situation - on one hand, they are legally responsible for you until you are an adult and are required to protect you, and on the other they have their child wanting to potentially put themselves at risk and then being told they're hated for not giving consent. I do agree with self-expression and the whole "my body, not yours" idea but there's a reason why you need parental consent, even if you don't think so.

I myself haven't completely gone through this, though my mom never allowed me to get my lip pierced and freaked out when she found out about my friends I started talking to online, but at least that she's gotten used to a little bit now. She's definitely more laid back in comparison to my aunt though.

My aunt was so strict with my older cousins that once they hit 18 they were rebelling left and right whether it be getting piercings, dying their hair getting tattoos, going to concerts. Heck she wouldn't even let them watch MTV because she thought it would make them act a certain way.

Honestly when it comes to piercings, as long as it's hidden or you can find a way to work with still having one, go for it. Dying hair, if you end up not liking it, you can always change it and tattoos again as long as it's hidden while you're working then why not? You should be allowed to at least go to concerts or comic con if it's something that makes you happy.

Honestly, I probably wouldn't want my child getting a crazy piercing on their face. I used to want a lip piercing and I'm sooo glad my mom never let me! It leaves an ugly hole in your face and I most definitely would feel self conscious about that plus employers don't like it. So, I would have regretted it, and I think my child would regret it eventually too. So, if it's something on their face, then I would say no. Same goes with a tattoo. I don't like tattoos that are humongous and on arms and shit. I mean, if you're like 25 and think your life won't be complete until you get it, then whatever. But I feel like a 16 year old would regret that later. You've still got a lot of maturing to do at that age and I don't know about you, but I've changed a lot since I was 16. (and I'm just about to turn 19)

Going to concerts and comic con though - I think that shouldn't be frowned upon. I'm really pissed that my mom never let me go to a concert (I've still never been to one). I haven't gone to comic con because that shits expensive. But I don't see how someone would regret going to any of those things. And if they did, no one would be able to tell in the future that they made that decision.

As for hair dye, I mean that's completely redo-able. So I wouldn't mind that as a parent. I would just make sure they're not over doing it because I know I would hate for my hair to be damaged to a crisp.

Agreed. My parents are pretty decent. It all depends. Like they wouldn't want me going to a concert by myself (so for the one I'm going to in August we compromised and I'm taking my best friend with me). But my parents did sign off for consent for me to get my tattoo done back in January. My dad did crazy things when he was a teenager and he knows that it's my body so I can do what I want, while my mom's a bit more reserved and isn't looking forward to me getting my second tattoo, but they know it's my choice (especially now that I just turned 18). Some parents are assholes and some aren't, and some are somewhere in between.

I agree with this so much. I mean, my parents aren't strict with me in terms of my appearance and never have been - I was allowed to dye my hair from the age of twelve onwards and they didn't mind when I went through my 'goth' phase, they even paid for me to pierce my eyebrow when I was 15 - but some of my extended family (namely one aunt) are very strict on their own children. One of my cousins wasn't actually allowed to cut her hair until she hit sixteen, which I thought was a little extreme. I've always had pretty much free reign over my own appearance, especially in terms of clothing. I could wear whatever I wanted within reason and I wouldn't be told off. The only thing they literally will not let me do is get my nose pierced and even then, my mum doesn't mind, it's just my dad that refuses to let me get it done because he hates it. I'd complain about him stunting my creativity but he's so lax with the other aspects of my appearance (he actively encouraged me to dye my hair blue when I was 14) that I don't mind complying with that rule until I leave the house. He's been made perfectly aware of the fact that when I move out, I will be getting my nose pierced and he hasn't been too pissy about that so again, I can't complain.

Granted, my parents are (or were I suppose - they don't really have a say in what I do now that I'm old enough to drink whenever the hell I want to) strict on me in terms of going out to concerts or doing other things but I know it was just because they worried about me. They still worry, actually. I went from Glasgow to London in April to see a concert and I had a stupidly long list of times when I had to text them: when I got off of the train in Glasgow, when I got on the train in Glasgow to London, when we got into London, when we got to the hotel, when we left for the concert, when we got into the venue, when we left the venue, when we got on the tube back to the hotel, when we got to the hotel, when we woke up the next morning, when we left the hotel the next morning, when we got on the train in London, when we got our connecting train in Newcastle and when we were ready to be picked up from the station in our own town. I always thought that was extreme but I know people my age who still aren't allowed to leave the country without their parents coming along, so I guess I should just be grateful that my family are pretty lax compared to others.

@ Queen In The North

I try not to do the whole parents are twats thing because I would have got screamed at by some parent on here.

@ mavis.

My Dad is like that "you can't have your phone in your waistband it looks wrong, what will people think?"

I probably would be comfortable with my appearance if I hadn't heard something like this near enough everyday

My dad doesn't really like piercings and brightly colored hair but he's never stopped me from getting those things because it's my body, not his. My mom on the other hand, is a prime example of this kind of parent. She always tried to mould me to look how she wanted and honestly I think she did it because she cares way too much what others think.

@ RenJeremyRen

Thanks & I value the fact that your blog is just 100% honest, it's logical and it's got the real points there. It's not just another one of those "Parent's are twats" sort of things, haha. Although, I made one of those back in the day

Keep being awesome yo

@ Queen In The North

I'm glad a parent shares my views. It means a lot.

Being a parent now myself, and being so young when I had my daughter, I realize this pain so much. I will never stop her from doing things like this, unless she wants a racial slur tattooed on her body or something, then I'd step in, haha.

I heard a real interesting conversation when I was waiting at a community centre the other day. It was between two women.

One of them was talking to the other about how children need to conform, or they will not excel in life.

That is total bullshit. Adults (Over 30's mostly), seem to view children/teens as unable to be themselves, simply because of the view of others. Personally; It's a load of crap, and being an adult myself I am ashamed that the majority think this way. My mother let me express myself when I was a child and a teen, and I turned out great imo. All they are doing is hampering personal growth and trying to model all children exactly the same as the next.

I love this blog.