Hormones Are Ruining My Friendships. - Comments

@ based
If you want them to listen to you, you should always take care in how you say something. People, no matter what age, are a lot less likely to listen to someone they feel is judging them. There is a way to give your opinion without being judgmental and if you truly want to be helpful, that's what you should do.

@ IronMaddlyn
I'm glad we could be of help!

@ Insanity's Artist
I don't really care if I'm being judgmental. If someone is behaving in a dangerous and naive way someone needs to say something instead of shutting up in fear of being judgmental??

I really like that I'm getting different reactions to this. Its nice to get veiws from both sides. And I understand how I might come off as judgemental.

@ based
You don't understand how someone could read this as judgmental because you're coming from the same perspective as her. I'm coming from the other side, so I can see how she might COME OFF AS judgmental even if she doesn't intend you. What you said also comes off as judgmental with the way you're talking about how it's not healthy to replace hobbies with relationships and sex, which is true, but you don't know these girls. You're making an assumption based on judgments. Even if you don't intend it, it reads that way.

Also, I understand you're not trying to criticize me literally, but you actually are unintentionally. I understand how it might seem ridiculous and being older and wiser now, having dealt with the consequences, I'd never do that again. But back then, even though I did "know better," in the moment it just doesn't matter. For me, it was about being young, having a lot of self esteem issues, being pissed off at my mom, seeking attention and a whole slew of things that led to not caring in the heat of the moment. Of course I knew he didn't have a condom on, but it just wasn't relevant to me at that time. The consequences weren't real to me until I experienced them. That's how some people have to learn - the hard way. It's like I told the author of this blog, sometimes people grow in different ways at different times and that's okay.

And again saying that someone must not care about their future if they don't use a condom even if they know the risk is a very harsh judgment. You don't know these girls and you don't have the right to say that about anyone. You don't know what drives them, besides hormones. Maybe they really don't care about their future for some reason or maybe they do, but they don't really see the risks as real. Again, there are a slew of possibilities that you don't know about.

I don't think you're being judgmental. I think what you're trying to say is that you don't mind your friends having sex or whatever, you just wish they had interests other than that. Which I totally get. Relationships, sex, whatever is great, but it gets boring talking about it all the fucking time. It's not healthy to replace hobbies with relationships and sex and shit because that's when your relationships turn dramatic and bad things tend to happen.

@ Insanity's Artist
And seriously? How do you not realize when a guy is about to put his phallus in you that it's bare? I'm not trying to criticize YOU or anything but I think it's kind of ridiculous to perpetuate the idea that it's something that's easy to forget. Any time I'm in a sexual situation with a guy, first of all they always already have condoms and would never think to suggest not using them, and secondly even with a condom on part of me still gets terrified that I'll somehow get pregnant. I just don't understand how you could forget. If you understand the risks of not wearing one and you care about your future, you won't forget. That's how I see it anyway.

I know you're not TRYING to be judgmental, but you are sort of coming off that way. I know you don't mean it, but again, it reads that way.

In the case of "how hot are these moments," it's unbelievably easy to not think about it or, even if you do think about, just consider it not that big of a deal. I lost my virginity at 13 because my sex drive was super high and it stayed that away until I got pregnant - yes, from not using a condom.
Obviously, your friends SHOULD be thinking about these kinds of consequences, but I can tell you from experience that in the middle of things, it's just super easy to just not care. It's not really about forgetting most times, just letting yourself not care.

And even if boyfriends aren't important to you, everyone has different priorities and values for different reasons. You never really know what's driving someone. It could simply be hormones or it could be something emotional inside of them. It's not as easy for some people to just say "dating isn't important," because for whatever reason it IS important to THEM.

But sometimes things like this happen, friends grow in different ways at different paces and they drift apart. It's hard to deal with but it's a fact of life.

I know you're not TRYING to be judgmental, but you are sort of coming off that way. I know you don't mean it, but again, it reads that way.

In the case of "how hot are these moments," it's unbelievably easy to not think about it or, even if you do think about, just consider it not that big of a deal. I lost my virginity at 13 because my sex drive was super high and it stayed that away until I got pregnant - yes, from not using a condom.
Obviously, your friends SHOULD be thinking about these kinds of consequences, but I can tell you from experience that in the middle of things, it's just super easy to just not care. It's not really about forgetting most times, just letting yourself not care.

And even if boyfriends aren't important to you, everyone has different priorities and values for different reasons. You never really know what's driving someone. It could simply be hormones or it could be something emotional inside of them. It's not as easy for some people to just say "dating isn't important," because for whatever reason it IS important to THEM.

But sometimes things like this happen, friends grow in different ways at different paces and they drift apart. It's hard to deal with but it's a fact of life.