August 28th, 2016 at 03:51am
Personally, I've been quite repulsed by sex for a long time (and I can't even remember if it's because of a past experience so I can therefore only assume not), but very recently I've come to feel a bit more open and comfortable talking about it. I can find the humour in it and just relate to that. When people go into detail, however, I still can't help but feel really repulsed
I don't really tell people I'm ace/aromantic unless they start making me feel really uncomfortable. I usually jump the gun when people start to show attraction or romantic hints towards me by telling them I'm asexual & aromantic. I always dread the conversation to follow though. Some people don't accept because they don't understand, so it leads to an hour or so of basically repeating myself ("no", "I can't", "I don't know why", "relationships are a two-way thing, it's not going to work or make you happy") until they back down and accept that it's not going to happen.
I end up leaving those who won't listen behind because I don't think they're worth the time of day if they don't respect my decisions, frankly. I guess it's easy to say because I'm aromantic, so there's zero reason for me to start regretting my decision to leave what I thought was only going to be a great friendship behind. Their words don't hurt me because they no longer have my respect, and unknown to them, I have had previous experience in a long-drawn romantic situation but I felt next to nothing but discomfort. All I enjoyed from it was friendship.
I would say not to feel ostracised or ashamed for who you are. Also, if in time your decision changes there's nothing wrong with that, just like there's nothing wrong with your current decision. Life's too short to be put down by others who don't understand because they can't empathise or respect.
You know, something I've often wondered through mere curiosity is if there are asexual dating sites out there. I've never looked into it myself, but if a relationship is something you seek (but without sex) then I'd say it's definitely worth investigating! I can imagine that it's much easier to find that special someone if the cards are on the table in the first place so that you won't be dreading the possibility of the relationship ending once you reveal your asexuality.
The funny thing is that they don't bother me anymore. I just have lost so many people who I thought were my real friends. And it's scary when the truth comes out.
I don't like the sex aspect or, as a true friend of me has joked, any swapping of bodily fluids (making out and such); but I love cuddling/snuggling, holding hands, pressing my cold feet against their shins, etc. Sometimes when I say that, it's construed as an avenue to wanting to have sex. And I'm over here like, Nah, I just wanted to put my feet on your shins or whatever the situation is, you know?
My friend has actually looked up ace dating sites, and almost went through with setting up a profile for me, but I don't know how comfortable I would be with online dating. She said she understands the stigma of online dating, but because my situation was different, she thinks it would be beneficial for me to do so. I still don't know how I feel about it, though.