Someone as amazing as you can't possibly be dead inside. But if you are, whattup fam? Come sit by me.
It's hard. Every aspect of life is like a balancing act and I think we know that in the back of our minds and it can be a hindrance even if we don't openly realize it.
You are beautiful and amazing! What really gets to me is that I have been trying desperately to find my "passions" or my "calling" since high school. And people have told me everything from "You can't force that shit." to "You can't be so picky." But every venue I explored in depth I felt nothing.
Welp who knows? Maybe I am just dead on the inside.
I can definitely empathize with a lot of what you're feeling. There are many days where I just look in at myself and then look into the future.
I tend to get angry with myself and feel like I'm messing up and missing something. Mostly because what I know I'm missing is all my own doing, I just can't put my finger on what it might actually be. So I'm really not helping the situation. But it's exactly like you said, some form of certainty would be fantastic.