If You Really Knew Me

Darren Criss.:

If you really knew me, you'd know I self harm.

if you really knew me you'd know i used to self harm, have recently relapsed, and cried for a week about it.

^ That goes for both of you. If you really knew me, you'd know I've self harmed before, relapsed a few months back, and still fight off the pain to this day.

If you really knew me, you'd know that I changed my little "viva mi amor" thing that I always have at the bottom right to "FOR SKYRIM" because I've begun to let it suck me in.

If you really knew me, you'd know that I really don't need my father. Really; I'm not just saying that.

If you really knew me, you'd understand that music is my heart and that I do need the concerts...they make me feel alive and without them and the thrill I get of going to them and seeing my heroes on stage...I'd be hollow inside.

If you really knew me, you'd know that I used to strive for perfection and attention, which lead to an eating disorder. and i still don't feel pretty enough to fit in.
if you really knew me, you'd understand why I'm so close to my brothers.

^ i love you, and i think you're beautiful.

if you really knew me you'd know that no matter how friendly i am i feel like a completely horrible person.
if you really knew me you'd know why i wish i didn't my mother.
if you really knew me you'd know that i always feel lonely, especially with groups.

- That i'm severely depressed to the point where I don't think I want to live anymore.
- That I contemplate my own death on a daily basis and realize that the amount of people that will care, I can count on one hand.
- That I've picked up smoking again cause of all of this
- That tomorrow, I will drown myself in alcohol to the point where I can't remember anything anymore.

if you really knew me you'd know that i love dasha, tay, lyssa, nick, and kayla quite a lot.
if you really knew me you'd know that i wish nothing but the best for them

^ i love you too kae <3 forever.

if you really knew me, you'd know that if somehow one of my brothers or both of them died, I'd have truly nothing to live for.
if you really knew me you'd know that when i'm depressed, I stay in my room all day, and don't leave it for anything except for the bathroom.
if you really knew me, you'd know that even when i have a lot of friends, I'm truly alone and breaking on the inside.

If you really knew me, you'd know my mom passed away a year ago.

If you really knew me, you'd know that I sleep the hours that a vampire would, even though I hate vampires, I'd rather go about when there are less people to judge me. During the day, too many people can see me.

If you really knew me, you'd know that I hate vampires because my delusional, abusive, ex-girlfriend literally thought she was a vampire, and even though I tolerated this very striking quirk, she broke my heart and my confidence.

If you really knew me, you'd know that she was the only person that I really ever let my walls down around and I haven't let them down for anyone since.

If you really knew me, you'd know how fucking lonely it makes me.

If you really knew me, you'd know how excited I am to marry my boyfriend when he gets out of jail, even though I constantly shit-talk marriage and don't believe in it.
If you really knew me, you'd know I voluntarily continue to attend my drug treatment classes just to see this one really hot guy.
If you really knew me, you'd know how much I miss having her as my best friend, even though she's a cunt now.

If you really knew me, you'd know how I hate my body.
If you really knew me, you'd know that I smile all the time to convince myself everything is fine.
If you really knew me, you'd know that I'm constantly fighting with eating and not eating.
If you really knew me, you'd know that I'm not straight.
If you really knew me, you'd know that I love my cat more than anything in the world.

If you really knew me, you'd know I'm in love with my boyfriend, even though we haven't been dating for very long.
If you really knew me, you'd know I'm a generally happy person.
If you really knew me, you'd know I've been hurt so many times, it's hard for me cry now.

If you really knew me, you'd know what my mom is really like at times.
If you really knew me, you'd know how close me and my brother have grown now that we've both grown more mature.

If you really knew me, you'd know I'm really fucking irritating and obnoxious, and I annoy the shit out of myself, which amuses me. =D
If you really knew me, you'd know I laugh at my own jokes ALL THE TIME
...as well as everything else.
If you really knew me, you'd know at the end of the day, I love being me and being alive.
If you really knew me, you'd know I am fascinated by everything and easily distracted because there's just so much.
If you really knew me, you'd know centipedes are one of my greatest tangible fears, ewewewew. Dx

If you really knew me, you'd know my stand-offish behavior is just a way to stop people getting close to me.
If you really knew me, you'd know I get louder and more raucous when I'm upset or uncomfortable.
If you really knew me, you'd know that even though I seem to be overly confident, I quite often hate myself.

If you really knew me, you'd be ashamed.

crazy dasha.:

- That i'm severely depressed to the point where I don't think I want to live anymore.
- That I contemplate my own death on a daily basis and realize that the amount of people that will care, I can count on one hand.
- That I've picked up smoking again cause of all of this
- That tomorrow, I will drown myself in alcohol to the point where I can't remember anything anymore.

this. this. always this. dasha, we're in the exact same boat.

If you really knew me, you'd know that I love music more than anything. anything.
If you really knew me, you'd know that I am a bit of a nerd.
...
And If you really knew me, you'd know that I blame myself for every mistake I've made.
And if you really knew me, you'd know that, deep down, I really hate myself.
And if you really knew me, you'd know the reason why I have a crush on Jenn Ghetto.

If you really knew me, you'd know how much it hurts me every day.
If you really knew me, you'd know how much of a mess I really am.