On My Watch Tonight

It hadn't taken very long at all for Alex to learn what the psychiatrists had wanted to hear from him. What they wanted was to think he was making progress, that he was able to put himself back in the world that he had left behind so long ago. As long as they thought that he was processing things normally, as well as one could hope to, the chances of being let to go home were a lot better than if he kept making the same mistakes over and over. Better than if they knew Alex hated the idea of nighttime because it meant sleep and sleep meant nightmares where he relived the worst of his days. Some included his wife, watching her be tortured, but most of them, they included the days leading up to his release. The days where his hope had dwindled to nothing because he'd been kept in the same cramped room for months on end, where he grovelled for even a handful of water and counted himself lucky if he could get two.

Alex had no clue what was required of him, he had no idea what needed to be done to care for his own child and as he watched Juliette set up the high chair, he was left to ponder everything that he had missed over the last few years. Everything from her first ultrasound to Alex's birth to when the little boy took his first few steps to... pulled back to reality by the sound of her voice, Alex's hand snapped up. "Huh?"

When she repeated the question, Alex only shrugged as he forked at his food. "Nothing, angel. Nothing to worry your pretty little head over," Alex tried to console her, offering what he hoped was a goofy grin.

"Do you work tomorrow?" Alex asked, hoping to change the subject.

Juliette eyed Alex wearily as he came up with a response to her question. She hated seeing him snapping back into reality from what she could only assume was the prison of his own thoughts. Juliette couldn’t even imagine what kind of things flew through his mind. She had no inclination of the things he had seen or been through or witnessed. She had no clue what he had gone through prior to be given the okay to return home. She had no idea what kinds of questions he was asked, what kind of diagnosis he was given, or even how he truly felt about the situation.

And it killed her.

Juliette gave her husband a small smile as she began to feed their son. “I work from home now handsome, so I will be here. I didn’t want to have to keep Junior here in day care all the time and I couldn’t bring myself to ask your folks to watch him. They have done enough for me the past couple of years anyway.”

Alex jerked away from his plate of food, surprising even himself by the flood of relief when Juliette mentioned she worked from home. That meant he didn't have to worry about being alone all day with his thoughts or with his son because he barely had any sort of clue what he was supposed to do to take care of Junior.

Focusing on his breathing, Alex leaned down to take a bite of his food.

"You'll have to teach me how to take care of junior. Because what if you want to have a spa day or you want to go shopping or something? I bet you haven't had the chance to do that in forever, have you?" Alex asked, trying his best to keep his tone light and teasing as he watched her.

Juliette laughed out loud at his question. Spa day? Shopping? What were these foreign things he was speaking of? Instead of questioning him she simply laughed, “Yeah, baby, I’ll show you. There’s nothing to it, really. I can already see you’re an amazing father.”

Juliette didn’t want Alex to know that she spent most of her time at home with her son or at his parents house. The only times that she really got out was to go grocery shopping, running mail errands, or taking Junior to his appointments. Juliette did most of her shopping online, not wanting to have to go out and face the world in their small town. Most people would give her that look, and that is what she hated the most. Juliette didn’t need anyone’s pity, she needed her husband.

“I don’t get out too much anyways,” She laughed softly, trying to play it off as nonchalantly as possible.

Alex's eyes narrowed as his jaw clenched, his knuckles turning white around the fork he held in his hand. He knew what Juliette was trying to avoid saying, or at least he suspected, but he did his best to push the feeling away while shoving a bite of food into his mouth. He chewed and chewed and chewed until he felt his anger dissipate enough that he thought he was in more control. Exhaling once he finished swallowing, Alex looked up to her with a lopsided grin. He had always been good at being funny, it was easy to cover up what was bothering him if he made others laugh and forget.

"I want you to call the spa," Alex started, hesitating as he glanced over toward their son. He knew he was more or less going off on the deep end because there was no way he would be able to handle every situation that came up but, surely he could take care of Junior for a few hours right? "Book one of those girly packages," he paused, waving his fork in the air. "With a facial and a massage and... whatever else you want. And I'll take care of Junior while you go."

Alex rolled his eyes at the look that she was giving him. "And if anything pops up, I can always call Ma. She'll be able to help with anything if something happens, okay?"

“Alex,” Juliette sighed as she looked at him. But by the look he was giving her, she knew that there was no getting out of it. Alex had a way of making sure that he suggestions were met, and she knew that he wasn’t going to let her go down with out going through with it. Eventually Juliette smiled at her husband after he threw her another grin, pulling her eyes away from him. Her heart melted and her defeat was met. “I’ll call them tomorrow, deal?”

Juliette pulled herself out of the chair, cleaning up the toddler’s dishes, as he had turned to making a mess in his high chair. He was currently smearing mash potatoes around, dirtying his little fingers and hands. She laughed at the sight in front of her and then walked to the sink. She watched as Alex’s eyes wandered again over to their son.

“He’s definitely your son,” Juliette commented as she began washing dishes. “Always making a mess outta shit. Remember the first time you ever tried to make me breakfast? Back when we first got married?”

Alex's face scrunched at the memory of the first breakfast that he had attempted to make for Juliette. Serve her breakfast in bed. It'll be romantic they said, it'll be nice, they said. It had turned out to be the exact opposite of that - with Juliette coming to his rescue only after he knocked a bowl of pancake batter off of the counter and all over the floor. "Thank God I found you, angel. I'd be screwed for meals without you."

He pushed to his feet, slowly making his way over to Junior. Alex hesitated for a moment before pulling the tray away from the high chair and lifting Junior out. "I guess I should thank you for driving your mother crazy while I was away," he teased the little boy, pressing a kiss to his temple as he carried his son over to the sink. Grabbing a wet paper towel, Alex began to clean the boy's hands.

"Oliver men have never known how to keep it easy for the women in their lives. I tried to warn you," Alex said, unable to contain his grin as he looked over to her. "But at least I'm here to help you now, right?"

Juliette swore her heart swelled a thousand times its normal size as she watched her husband carry their son over to her. She knew Alex was going to be a great father. He was just overthinking everything like he normally did. As she washed the dishes she also watched Alex out of the corner of her eye. She couldn’t wipe the grin off her face.

“Yes, that’s true.” Juliette laughed. “But I am pretty sure both your mother and I are too stubborn for our own good, so we match you men pretty well.”

When she was done with the dishes, Juliette dried her hands off. She wrapped her arms around Alex’s middle and pressed her nose between his shoulders. She inhaled his scent deeply, sighing in content. “You staying here tonight… or…?”

Once he had finished cleaning up Junior, Alex leaned against the counter and did his best to entertain the little boy. He pinched his cheeks, tickled his stomach, only to pause when Juliette spoke. He looked up to his wife with a truly genuine smile.

Alex leaned against Juliette, his arm wrapping around her shoulders. He was quiet even after she asked the question, his fingers playing with the edge of her sleeve. It was just... it was too nice to stand here with his wife and his little boy. Alex never thought he was going to make it here but here he was.

"I love you, angel," he whispered suddenly, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "I'll stay, if that's okay with you?" Alex said. He looked down at her, raising an eyebrow. "Does Junior sleep through the night now or..?"

“I want you home, handsome.” Juliette confessed, leaning into her husband and closing her eyes. “I want you home, Alex. I don’t want to be away from you anymore than I have to… I can’t do it anymore, especially knowing that you’re here and you aren’t leaving ever again.”

Juliette looked up at Alex, tears in her eyes. She felt silly for crying, but she couldn’t help it. There was no way to stop it. She laughed lightly as she sniffled and wiped at her tears. She was such a mess. Juliette nodded, confirming the answer to Alex’s question about their son.

“He’s pretty much always slept through the night,” Juliette informed him. “He’s a heavy ass sleeper. Sometimes I have to wake him up instead of him waking me up. But, I take it with stride. I would rather get a full nights sleep then being up and down all night with a toddler.”

Alex's heart crumbled as Juliette started to break down. He wanted nothing more than to take her pain away and make sure that she never had to face another night alone. The idea that she was going to ever be alone again tore at his heart strings. He was never going to allow it, ever again. Not if he had anything to say about it.

He turned away from Junior, his arms slipping around Juliette's waist as he pulled her flush against his chest. He buried his face into her hair, inhaling her scent as he began to gently rock them back and forth. "I swear, angel. I'm not going anywhere ever again. I'll never leave, I'll never abandon you like I did. I swear on my life, on our son's life that I'll be here with you for the rest of your life. Nagging at you over everything," Alex promised quietly, letting out a choked laugh as he kissed her temple.

"How could I do anything else, angel? You wait for me, for so long. And that's more than I could have ever asked for you," Alex whispered, running a hand through her hair. "I love you, you know that right?"

Juliette grinned up at her husband. She leaned up and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. Juliette squeezed her arms around his middle, relishing in the feeling of being so close him. She didn’t want to ever feel so empty like she had before.

When Juliette pulled away from him, she eyed their son. She reached over and picked him up and cradled him into her side. She leaned back into Alex, her back resting into his chest. As she looked down at her son, she finally realized that everything was going to be okay. She craned her neck to look up at Alex, a goofy smile plastered on her face.

“We should get pictures done,” she murmured, her hand sweeping over the toddlers full head of hair. “Ya know, like family pictures? Wouldn’t that be nice?”

With his arm wrapped securely around his wife's waist, Alex watched as she cradled their son. His heart leapt to his throats and the sense that he was safe here washed over him in calming, steady waves. A smile grew on his features, just large enough to be detectable and he gave Juliette a tiny squeeze.

When she looked up to him, Alex's face scrunched at the suggested. He wasn't all that enthused by the idea but then he owed Juliette more than he could ever hope to repay and so it was the least that he could do for her.

"If you want, angel. I'll just have to see if some of my nicer clothes still fit. I'm not as big as I used to be," Alex murmured as he leaned down, pressing a kiss to her temple. A moment of silence passed before he looked back down to her. "We should renew our vows. So we can include junior. What do you think?"

Juliette pulled her best pouty face she could muster, her eyes growing even more doe-like than they normally would. The last time she had had pictures taken with her husband was on their honey moon. Now that they had a child, she wanted nothing more than documentation of their family being back together.

“I promise it won’t be that bad,” She stated matter-of-factly. She made sure to use the tone she always used when there was no room for discussion. “We’ll get you nicer clothes if you need them. Plus, don’t you want to have a nice picture of you and your son?”

Juliette tore her eyes away from her husband and looked down at their son, “Why don’t we wait until this one can fully walk to renew our vows. We can have him be a little ring-bearer. It would be the most adorable thing I ever did see. Don’t you think, handsome?”

Alex wasn't about to argue with Juliette over the pictures, he saw no real need to. While he wasn't the biggest fan of taking pictures and doing things like that, he thought that it was the least that he could do for her. She had already done so much for him, a large part of that had been waiting for him with no promise that he would ever even return, as far as he knew.

Nodding, Alex sighed as he leaned down to press a kiss to her forehead. "That works for me but you should probably still start planning it. Right?" Alex asked, tilting his head to the side as he eyed Juliette. "I mean I don't know how long shit like that takes to plan, but."

Alex led Juliette over to the table, breathing a sigh of relief as he sat down in one of the chairs. "Tell me about the past few years, angel. What have I missed out on?" He asked, his hands resting on her thighs.

When Alex mentioned about starting to plan things out, anxiety immediately flooded Juliette, however so did excitement. She remembered when she had first started planning their wedding; it was horrific and wonderful all at the same time. She had stayed up night after night after night trying to make sure everything would be just the way she they wanted it.

Juliette followed him over to the table, bouncing the toddler slightly in her arms as she sat next to Alex. She shrugged her shoulders, her eyes drifting away from Alex. What was she supposed to tell him? How she had been so very miserable for such a long time? How she had cried for the first year? How she wanted to end it all at one point? And then there was John; whom she still hadn’t contacted back since Alex had been home? Should she even tell him about John? She knew he would take it the wrong way—that’s just what Alex did.

Juliette sighed, “Just been pushing through, Alex. Taking care of this little one, spending time with your parents, working… I’ve had a lot of help from um, from a friend. Been a real help to me and Junior.”

Alex had been excited, fully expecting to hear some sad parts from Juliette because with everything that had happened between them, it was only to be expected at this point. But what he hadn't been expecting to hear was that Juliette was receiving help from someone. Immediately, Alex's defended went up and he couldn't help it as his eyes narrowed.

Leaning back in his chair, Alex's jaw flexed and unflexed. His hands didn't move but the muscles in his arms would tense right back up. His mind was reeling and he was trying desperately to keep his composure. It... that wasn't what he had been wanting to hear but if it was a friend of Juliette's, it had to be a woman. Right?

"Who?" Alex finally questioned, his eyes moving up to meet hers. They were hard and angry, just what would be expected from him. He quirked an eyebrow, not speaking as he waited.

Juliette’s arms immediately tightened around her son, almost in an effort to shield him from the wrath that was about to come from his father. Juliette knew there would be no point in lying to her husband, he saw through her like a window. Juliette chewed on her bottom lip, trying to think of how to explain the situation, but she knew no matter how she was to phrase it, Alex was going to lose his shit.

Still looking down at her son, Juliette began to speak, soft and timid. “John, from the Twin City branch of the firm that I worked with. You met him, when we had that party on Halloween just before you left? I was going to work, dragging ass every single fucking day for six months. Most of the time I would have an infant attached to my hip. He offered to come over and cook dinner and watch the baby so I could at least shower.”

Juliette shook her head as she felt the heat of anger radiating off of Alex. “I know what you think, and it wasn’t that. It was never anything like that. Just a helping hand from time to time, Alex. Your parents weren’t around all the time, they had their own lives to live. I wasn’t going to burden them with crying and screaming and telling them how much I just never wanted to wake up in the morning…” Juliette braced herself as she waited for words to come from Alex.

Alex's breathing started to grow ragged as Juliette explained who the friend was. His eyes dropped to the ground, studying a spec of dust on the floor rather than looking up and seeing whatever he was missing on her features. He didn't want to see anything because his heart started to clench. Guilt flooded him but so did an emotion that he knew he had no place feeling. He was livid. He wanted to look up, he wanted to scream, he wanted to flip the fucking table that they were sitting at.

Clearing his throat, Alex's hand balled into a fist on the table as he pushed himself up from his chair. It seemed that his stress was enough to unravel what progress he had made with walking. Alex studied his feet as he took a step to the side, refusing to look up at Juliette.

"I'm going to take a minute," Alex forced the words out, turning to head for the sliding door. He wasn't moving quick enough and when he reached the door, he stumbled over the bottom fo the door. Alex cursed under his breathe before slamming the door shut behind him. Alex's body was vibrating with anger pulsing through his veins. He dropped onto the steps of the desk, struggling to keep himself from braking down.

A man who wasn't him had helped raised his child. Because he hadn't been here, because he hadn't been strong enough. And there was no one else to blame but him.

Juliette studied her husband, waiting for him to speak. Waiting for him to say anything. But he never did. She was so damn afraid that she had angered him. But what else was she supposed to do? Just like she thought earlier, it was better than lying.

With tears in her eyes, she watched as Alex got up and struggled to leave the room. Suddenly, the emptiness started to seep its way back into her heart. Not even two days of him being home and he was already upset. This is definitely not what Juliette wanted. She cradled her son even closer to her chest, letting a few tears fall as she sat there with him. She kissed the top of his head before she pulled herself from the seat. She made her way into the living room and set AJ down into the pack n play.

Juliette gazed into the kitchen and out the back door, seeing her husband sitting out on their back deck. Her heart was breaking all over again. She didn’t know if she was supposed to go out there or if she needed to give him some time.

Deciding that she should probably just give him his space, she decided to start cleaning the kitchen and the dining room, anything to get her mind off of the current situation.