I Know It Breaks Your Heart

Emily forced a smile onto her face as Zacky appeared from upstairs. He looked much better than he had when he'd first come home but there were still a few remnants of whatever fight he'd obviously been in. She knew Zacky didn't want to talk about it anymore but Emily just couldn't let it drop. She knew there was no way she could stop Zacky from doing the work that he was doing but she just wanted to make sure that he understood that Maddy didn't need to be privy to the second, much more sinister life that Zacky led. Maddy giggled as Zacky scooped her up from the couch, clinging to his neck as he carried her out of the house. "Somewhere with chicken strips!" Maddy shouted, her way of answering Zacky's question.

"How about In-N-Out Burger?" Emily suggested. She slipped into the passenger seat as Zacky buckled Maddy into her carseat. "They've got chicken strips and I've really been craving a cheeseburger." It struck Emily how that could be taken but she hoped Zacky would be too distracted to realize it. She wasn't quite ready to tell him the news yet, especially with the lingering sour mood between the two of them. She wanted the announcement to be more special than that, which is why she'd been planning to tell Zacky during their trip to Disney.

The drive to the restaurant was quiet aside from the rabdom babbling from Maddy in the backseat. Emily was grateful that the toddler was too young to pick up on the tension between her and Zacky because there was no way she could hope to explain it away. And there was no way they could have the discussion they needed to have in front of Maddy. Emily had stayed away from Zacky after finding out she was pregnant to keep Maddy safe from the life Zacky chose to live outside of their family and she wasn't about to just willingly thrust her into it. Not her and not the new baby, either. When they reached the restaurant, Emily climbed out of the car and slipped around back to get Maddy from her carseat. "Go hold Daddy's hand until we get into the restaurant, okay?"

With Emily and Maddy being here, it was a reminder of everything that Zacky had lost when Emily left him before. In the first few days after she'd left, he didn't even know if he was going to be able to survive. Not being with her, not being able to do anything but force himself out to work when he needed to before he went home to drink his sorrows away. It had been a bleak few months for him before he eventually forced himself back into a routine. Gym in the morning, work, eat, enjoy whatever he could in life. Emily wasn't coming back, pretending she would have only kept him confined to his life that had led him to more or less being a zombie.

Zacky climbed into the driver's seat after he buckled Maddy into her carseat. He glanced back to her in the rearview mirror, nodding at Emily's suggestion as he pulled out of the driveway. "Sure. A cheeseburger sounds good," he agreed, not thinking too much into her words. Everyone he'd ever known craved a certain food at one time or another, it wasn't something he'd think too much about. Clearing his throat, Zacky was relieved when they pulled up to the restaurant less than ten minutes later.

Climbing out, Zacky grinned as Maddy happily grabbed his hand. "Hey you," he teased quietly as he led her into the restaurant. He held her hand until they had ordered. "Why don't you go pick a table with Mom? I'll be over with the food as soon as it's ready," he said, ruffling her hair. Zacky grinned at her before he turned to wait at the counter for their food to be ready. He hoped that by the end of today that Emily wouldn't even want to discuss him coming home because he could show her that they could just be a normal family. They didn't have to be anything other than just a normal family, it was just a matter of him having to prove that to Emily. He hoped.

Hearing her instructions, Maddy eagerly ran to the front of the car to meet up with Zacky. She thankfully seemed to have forgotten about the situation earlier and hardly seemed to notice the few marks still left on Zacky's face. Emily was sure Zacky was hoping she would forget as well and just let the subject drop, but she couldn't. Thinking that Maddy could have possibly been exposed to the horrors of Zacky's work made her insides twist into knots. Maddy was young and innocent, she didn't need to know about that for a long time. If ever. How would she even react to finding out that her father was a killer? Maddy didn't even know what death meant. The entire situation was far too complicated and Zacky had brought it dangerously close to the precipice of having to bring it out into the open.

"Come on, we'll go pick out the best table, okay?" Emily said, taking Maddy's hand. The toddler nodded, looking back at Zacky to give him a wave as Emily directed her over to a table in the corner of the restaurant. She helped Maddy into a chair before settling down into one herself, letting her chin rest in her hand. She'd almost forgotten how exhausting pregnancy could be and she was sure this one would only be exasperated by the fact that she would have to chase after a toddler the entire time. But at least this time she would have Zacky by her side instead of being alone, facing the prospect of bringing a new life into the world with no one to help her.

"Here comes Daddy with the food," Emily said, spotting Zacky coming their way with a tray of food. She smiled at him as he placed the tray on the table, reaching for Maddy's food. "It's hot, okay?" she said, setting the chicken strips in front of the toddler. "So be careful. And make sire you tell your Daddy thank you for buying us lunch." As much as some people might see a lunch date as something mundane, Emily loved it. It was an opportunity for her to pretend that they were a normal family, one without a dark secret lurking beneath the surface. "Thank you for taking us out to lunch, by the way," Emily said softly to Zacky. "I haven't had a good cheeseburger in so long."

Making the decision to end someone's life wasn't exactly something that he wanted to do, it wasn't something that Zacky enjoyed doing but it was a vital part of his world. Of his line of work. If someone chose to disrespect him or try to overthrow him, Zacky had to make the decision. In the back of his mind, he knew he was likely taking fathers away from children, husbands away from their wives, sons from their parents. But if he didn't, he would be the one that was taken from his parents, from his friends, from everything that he knew. Zacky had to make that distinct choice, either them or him and he would always choose them. There was nothing else that Zacky could do.

Zacky eyed the two girls as they made way toward the table that Emily had picked out. He was admittedly a bit relieved when he noticed that Emily had picked a table in the corner. He had no idea if she had done it on purpose or not but it helped ease his nerves. It made it so Zacky would be able to watch the various doors that led into the lobby. He didn't think anything was going to happen while he was out grabbing some fast food with them but it was better safe than sorry. Particularly after the way that his morning had gone.

Setting the tray down, Zacky sat beside Maddy. He ruffled her hair before glancing up to Emily. "Of course, babe. Anything for my two favourite girls, hm?" He murmured, reaching out for a fry that he shoved into his mouth. Zacky relaxed in his seat, glancing around before his attention turned back to his food. He took a bite of his chicken burger. "Is there anything that either of you want to do for the rest of the day?" He asked softlyy, figuring since they hadn't done anything together for the morning, that they might be able to make something out of their afternoon at least.

Maddy made a face as Zacky ruffled her hair, reaching up to swat her father's hand away. Emily couldn't help but chuckle and she was struck with the realization of just how normal their family looked on the surface. From the outside looking in, they were average, just a man and a woman with their little girl. Only Emily and Zacky knew the true nature of their relationship and their family and the dark secrets that lurked beneath the surface. How would these people react if they knew they were sharing this restaurant lobby with a murderer? She knew this was what Zacky had to do to support his family and more than likely, the people he killed deserved it. But it still made her stomach churn just a little to think about.

"Whatever we do, we'll have to make it short," Emily said. She looked over at Zacky with a grin. "I've still got a good bit of packing to do before we leave for our little trip this weekend." They still hadn't told Maddy where they were going, mostly because Emily thought it would be a cute little surprise for the toddler when they got there. She couldn't wait to see the look on her little girl's face when she realized they were at Disneyworld. Of course, Maddy wouldn't be the only one with a surprise waiting for her. Emily was planning on revealing her big news to Zacky while they were on this trip and she was nervous about how he would handle it.

"Can we go to the park?" Maddy asked. "I wanna play on the swings!"

"The park sounds like fun!" Emily said. "But we can't go anywhere until you finish eating, so hurry up. You need to at least eat your chicken strips."

Zacky grinned at the mention of what they were going to do on the weekend. He nearly wanted to tell Maddy because he knew she was going to be over th emoon with excitement. But the surprise would be even better if they waited until they were at Disneyland. He contained a small grin, nodding slightly at the mention of packing. He hadn't even touched his clothes to begin packing, he'd always been awful about putting packing off until the very last moment. Hell, they'd probably be just about to get into the car and Zacky would still be trying to cram last minute things into his bag.

When Maddy finished her chicken strips and most of her fries, Zacky was quick to move to his feet and lift her into the air. He grinned as he settled her against his side, turning toward the door. He held his free hand out to Emily, smiling softly. "Come on, you. We don't want to keep the princess waiting," he teased softly, leading the way out to the car. He set Maddy in her car seat, buckling her in before he closed the door, stepping back. Zacky turned to Emily and reached out, his hands resting on her hips as he pulled her close to him.

"I love you, you know?" Zacky murmured, leaning down to press a quick kiss to her lips before he moved around her, heading to the driver's seat. He waited until Emily was settled before backing out, glancing in the rearview mirror. "What park are we going to?"

Emily knew that Zacky probably hadn't even started thinking about packing his things for the trip. He'd always been like that, as long as she'd known him. It made less sense now that she knew what he truly did for a living. He was organized and on top of things enough to run what she assumed was a crime empire but he couldn't throw a few shirts into a suitcase? It was a bit confusing. But she didn't mind helping him out. She was probably a bit more excited than she ought to be about going to Disneyland but she couldn't help it. She'd grown up listening to her more well-off classmates bragging about their yearly trips but she'd never been able to visit. And what better way to experience her first Disney trip than with the love of her life and their little girl? Plus the newest member-in-the-making.

When Maddy had finally finished her chicken, Emily got to her feet to clear the trash. Turning back to Maddy and Zacky, she took his hand, letting him pull her outside to the car. She stood back as Zacky buckled Maddy into her carseat, smiling at the look of adoration from the little girl to Zacky. She was hit with another small wave of guilt over keeping Maddy from her father for so long but quickly pushed it away. All that mattered was that they were together now. When Maddy was finally strapped into her carseat, Emily moved to climb into the car but she was stopped as Zacky reached out to her, pulling her close.

Emily was caught off-guard by the tender display of affection, especially given how the morning had started off. It was enough to spark a flurry of butterflies in her stomach. "I love you, too," she whispered, although she wasn't sre if Zacky heard her as he moved away to get into the driver's seat. "I was thinking the one closest to the house," Emily answered. "It's got swings and that's the most important part. Right, Maddy?"

"Right!" Maddy shouted from the backseat.

Zacky had never been to Disneyland while he was growing up and he had certainly never had a reason to go after Emily left him. There had been no need, no desire to go somewhere that was supposed to be filled with joy and happiness because Zacky didn't have his family. He had seen no point in going someplace where seeing happy families enjoying their time would only serve to put him in a sour mood. His work tended to do a pretty damn good job of that, he didn't need more. His work wasn't always bad but when shit hit the fan, it tended to do so in a drastic and awful way. Where getting out from under the pile of shit took maneuvering that Zacky wasn't too keen on.

Glancing in the rear view mirror, Zacky laughed at Maddy's obvious excitement over swinging. His face broke into a wide grin as he nodded, heading toward the park that Emily had mentioned. "Do you think you can swing higher than Daddy, baby?" Zacky teased, having every intention of letting Maddy win the little challenge. He glanced toward Emily and noticed her frown before she could even say anything. Reaching across the center console with his hand, he gave her thigh a gentle squeeze. "She'll be okay, Em. I won't let anything happen to her. At all." His eyes locked with hers for a moment, unspoken promises being made before he turned back toward the road.

When they pulled up to the park, Zacky was quick to climb out. He pulled Maddy out and set her down, holding his hand out to her. "Swings first? Or do you want to climb on the jungle gym, monkey?" He teased, pausing by the front of the suv. When Emily joined them, he reached out to her and laced his fingers through hers, letting out a content sigh as he lead the way toward the playground.

"Yes, I can swing way higher than you!" Maddy shouted from the backseat. "I'll beat you."

Emily laughed softly at the toddler, her attention mainly focused on the road until she felt Zacky's hand squeezing her thighs. Admittedly, it took Emily a few seconds to realize what he meant by his statement. Surely it wasn't that difficult to keep a toddler safe at a park? Emily had done it alone countless times. But then she realized his words were a throwback to this morning and his promise a much deeper one. And she knew Zacky would go to the ends of the earth to keep that promise and to protect Maddy but Emily would do the same thing. Even if that meant protecting her from Zacky and the darker side of his life.

Soon enough, they reached the park and Maddy was instantly squirming in her carseat, eager to be let free of the straps. Zacky was out of his seat sooner, so Emily let him pull out the toddler, walking to meet up with them as Maddy raced towards the swings. Emily couldn't help but smile softly as Zacky took her hand but at the same time, a small part of her couldn't help but wonder if this was an effort on his part to try and get her to forget what had happened this morning.

"Daddy, come push me!" Maddy shouted, jumping into one of the swings.

Zacky hoped that if he was able to show Emily he could still work and still be the family man that both Maddy and Emily deserved, that Emily would forget about it. That she wouldn't hound him with the questions that he could already hear, the moment that they were finally alone. Once Maddy was laying down for the night, Zacky was thoroughly convinced that Emily would end up ripping into him. He winced at the thought, quickly brushing the thought away.

He had to be able to focus on his family right now. Not on the consequences of his work. The thought of losing his girls, again, would bring him down to his knees if he let it. And he wasn't stupid, Zacky knew that.

Zacky was quick to rush forward when Maddy started shouting for him to push her. His face broke into a grin as he started to push her, leaning down to press a quick kiss to the top of her head. After pushing her as high as he dared, Zacky stepped back long enough so that he could glance toward Emily. He grinned, nodding toward the swing beside her. "Come on. You, too," he teased, motioning toward the empty swing.

Emily dropped Zacky's hand as he stepped forward to push Maddy on the swing, sticking her own hands in the back pockets of her jeans. The sound of Maddy's giggles soon filled the air as Zacky pushed her, the toddler pleading with him to push her higher and higher until she was practically lifting up from the seat with each upswing. Seeing Zacky motion towards the empty swing, obviously insinuating that Emily should sit, she shook her head.

"I don't think so," she replied, the same teasing tone to her voice.

"Yes Mommy, you should swing!" Maddy said, followed by cackling laughter.

"No baby, I think Mommy is too big for the swing," Emily said. She knew she wasn't but she didn't feel like swinging. She would rather sit back and watch Zacky and Maddy. Any stranger could tell that Maddy was infatuated with her father and Emily just hoped Zacky's job wouldn't get in the way of that. Or the relationship he would have with the new baby.

Zacky knew that he was going to have to step away from his work, in time. There was no way that he could raise his daughter properly while both his hands were coated in red. He had enough money stored away that he wouldn't ever have to work another day in his life, he'd have to find something else to do with his time. Maybe like taking Emily away on vacations that she deserved, especially after putting up with his ass before she left him.

The thought alone was nearly enough to make him laugh. His attention was only pulled back to the present when Emily denied Maddy's request. His brows pulled together as he tilted his head to the side, wondering briefly what she meant. They both knew she wasn't too big for the swing but Maddy seemed to accept that answer and Zacky wasn't going to start arguing with her in front of Maddy. That would nearly be worse than if Maddy figured out what he did for his work.

Zacky reached out, catching the chains of the swing to stop Maddy's movement once she had started to slow down. "Princess, I think it's time we head home. You can play there, okay?" He glanced over to Emily, raising an eyebrow. "Sound good?"

"But...we just got here!" Maddy shouted, looking at Zacky with a pout. "I wanna play more!"

"We can come back later, okay?" Emily said, stepping in to stop this conversation before it could really begin. "Maybe tomorrow when Mommy gets home from work. And school is almost out for the summer, which means we'll have all the time in the world to play. And you know when you go visit Grandma and Grandpa, they'll take you to play every day. Now come on." Maddy opened her mouth to argue a bit more, but a stern look from Emily silenced her quickly. She huffed as she slipped out of the swing and Emily nearly said something else, but she bit her tongue. Maddy was at least complying with directions, for the moment, anyway.

Back at the car, Emily lifted Maddy into her carseat, buckling the toddler in before climbing into the passenger seat. As Zacky began the drive home, Emily rested her head against the window. She'd forgotten just how exhausting pregnancy could be especially at the very beginning.