With You, I'm Alive

[Sorry it took me so long. Also, sorry if it absolutely sucks ]

Alexander Lightwood. The big, brave Lightwood kid who stood up to everyone he knew and loved because he couldn't hide his truth any longer. Alexander Lightwood, the blue-eyed beautiful man who was willing to fight everyone he loved for the Warlock he'd fallen so madly in love with. Alec, the boy who fell in love with an immortal.

How had they gone from being so in love to not talking at all? No. Alex knew how that had happened. Alec made it happen. He did this. He pushed Magnus away. Had he not run off to Camille instead of talking to Magnus about whatever issues he had, he'd still be with Magnus. He'd still have Magnus. How could he have been so stupid? How could he have even considered taking away Magnus' immortality or becoming an immortal himself, knowing or even having the ability to guess how that would make Magnus feel?

Jace, Izzy, Clary...hell, even Simon had tried to talk to Magnus. They didn't know what the problem was, of course. Alec was too embarrassed and guilty to admit it and Magnus was too much of a gentleman to mention it. Even so, Alec had been trying, constantly texting and calling, trying to get in touch with the Warlock. He just hoped that, someday, he could fix things with Magnus. Before it was too late.

---

Clary paced around in Jace's room, her anger very evident. Somehow, Valentine had won again and, somehow, Jace had already moved on from that. Jace, on the other hand, lounged on his bed, his phone in hand. He knew, of course, that there was no point in going over something that had happened, especially when there was very little they could do about it. So, he'd decided, he would pull his phone out, text his best friend and see what she was up to and where she was. Lyla. You're missing, again. Off on another mission? He knew he sounded a little clingy in the text but, if he was being honest, at least he wasn't as clingy as Clary was. Plus, it was Lyla. His best friend. He had every right to be clingy if he felt like it.

(It's wonderful, no worries! I hope this is okay!)

It hurt Magnus more than he cared to admit to know that Alec had gone seeking help from Camille of all people. It hurt him more to know that Alec didn't come to him first. What hurt the most, though, was refraining from answering the phone every time it rang with a phone call or chimed with a notification. Of course, there was the occasional chance that one of the others would call; he'd heard all of their voice messages up until he couldn't take hearing the excuses and apologies any longer.

He had to fight himself each time he saw a text from Alec or saw Alec's name sprawled across his phone's screen in an incoming call notification. It was more than just pain that he felt; he felt betrayed as well and the feeling of being betrayed was one of the worst feelings Magnus was aware of. Even though he was a High Warlock and he held so much power at his fingertips, Magnus still struggled with several things. One of the major issues was his love of Alec. While he felt betrayed and pained with Alec's actions, Magnus still loved him deeply, more than even Magnus thought was possible. Perhaps that was why everything was so much more difficult to handle than it normally would have been.

---

There had been plenty of issues lately. Demons were showing up occasionally but more frequently than they usually did. Currently, Lyla had just finished her mission of taking care of one, and she preferred to avoid working on these missions with others. While she did love her friends and enjoyed training with them, working with them was difficult, especially ever since Clary showed up. It was easier to get things done alone rather than to let Clary decide what they should do.

But, then, there was more to her avoidance than Clary. Jace was a distraction when it came to Lyla working. So were Izzy and Alec, but it was especially true when it came to Jace. She didn't want to ever be put in the position of deciding between their lives or completing missions. That was a weight she never wanted to have. For now, though, she was heading back to the institute, and she was caught by surprise when she felt her phone vibrate. Pulling it out, she smiled when she saw the text. I'm on my way back now. If I didn't know better, I'd assume you're missing me, Jace. She sent the text right as she walked through the doors of the institute.

Alec knew he had done wrong. Though Jace didn't know what it was that he had done exactly, he had still apparently gone to talk things out with Magnus. And that was something exceptional, considering just how well Jace and Magnus got along. Letting out a soft sigh, Alec picked his phone up. He'd already lost all dignity when it came to Magnus so what harm could it really do to give talking to him one more shot? Magnus, I'm truly sorry for everything. I know I've hurt you, I've hurt us. But I miss you. And I want to fix this. Please tell me what I can do to fix this. Hitting send, Alec tossed the phone to one side. He knew better than to expect a reply from Magnus and though he knew he didn't deserve to, he felt hurt. Hurt that Magnus would stop responding to him. He knew he deserved it, of course. He definitely deserved it after what he did. But it still hurt, it still stung. Magnus was the first, the only person he'd ever fallen in love with.

---

While he waited on Lyla's text, Jace managed to calm the fiery red head down. Clary had, once she had finally calmed down, decided to walk out and go look for Izzy, since Jace was of no help with her rants. Sprawled out on his bed once more, Jace was busy playing a game on his phone when it vibrated, indicating a message. A chuckle left his lips when he read Lyla's text. Or I'm just worried that a demon got to my best friend. I do have the liberty to worry about you, don't I?

The sound of his phone chiming with another message caught Magnus' attention and he had to fight himself not to jump for his phone. It could be anybody but Alec, after all. There was no need to reach for his phone too quickly now, anyways. Still, he eventually reached for his phone and pulled it out. Upon pulling the text up so he could see it properly, his eyes scanned over the words and his heart ached. He knew Alec was likely hurting, too, even if he hadn't outright said it. The thought made Magnus' heart ache more; he didn't want Alec to hurt, even though things had become this way because of Alec. Before he could stop himself, he was replying to the text. I don't know what you can do. I miss you, too, but I'm not sure if this can be fixed.

---

It didn't seem like Jace was in the training area or the briefing area. Lyla's bet was that he was in his room, in that case; after all, Jace wouldn't text while he was on a mission, except to check in with whoever he might be on a mission with. Heading to his room, she looked at her phone, amused with the text she had received. I can't recall a time where you've worried before. It's surprising. She sent the text and stopped by Jace's door. Leaning against the wall, she decided to tease Jace a bit. I think somebody's following me. Can you meet me? He'd probably be pissed if he came out of his room and saw her, but it wouldn't be the first time she pulled a small prank; she just didn't pull them often enough to be noticeable, so she doubted he'd be aware of the prank now.

As soon as his phone vibrated, Alec grabbed it up. He honestly couldn't believe it. Magnus had actually replied. If he was replying to his texts, he surely would be up to seeing Alec, right? At least to let him apologise. I want to fix this, Magnus. We have to fix it. I'll do anything. He knew how he sounded, but he didn't care. He needed Magnus in his life, he needed to be in Magnus' life. He definitely needed to fix things, even if it was just so he could tell Magnus that he was in love with him.

---

Rolling his eyes at Lyla's first text, he starts to type out a reply. After what happened with Alec, Izzy and the demon, I think it's safe to say that yes, I'm gonna worry. As soon as he hit send, his phone vibrated in his hand once more. A frown appeared on his face as soon as he read the brunette's next text. Jumping out of bed, he started towards his bedroom door, already typing furiously. Where are you? I'm coming. Hitting send, he tugged the door open, his mind already whirring. He knew Lyla could take care of herself, of course. They'd been training together for as long as he could remember. He still couldn't help but worry though.

Magnus wasn't sure what to say in response. He wasn't sure what he could even possibly want Alec to do to fix everything that had broken between them. Eventually, though, he figured there was one thing he could ask for. Promise me that you'll never do something crazy like that again. He sent the text without thinking over it too much. For the most part, he just hoped things could possibly be easier for them. But, then, he added another text. And promise not to worry about what we are anymore. Mortal or immortal, it doesn't change anything between us.

---

A small, amused grin formed on Lyla's features when she heard the door open. Quickly stepping in Jace's way, she arched a brow as she looked up at him. "Wow, you really are worried," she said casually before her phone vibrated with the new texts. Looking down, she read the texts, before she slipped her phone into her pocket and returned her attention to Jace. "You reacted faster than I expected, honestly. Were you really that worried?" For a moment, she almost felt guilty for making him worry like that. But, then again, it wasn't like she didn't freak out with concern over him every now and then.

I promise. I don't know what I was thinking, Mags. I'm sorry. Can I just please come over so we can fix this? Hitting send, Alec gripped onto his phone. He just hoped that Magnus would agree to see him. He needed to fix things, make sure things went back to normal. The last thing any of them needed was a breakup, especially when they were so close to getting Valentine and Sebastian.

---

As soon as Lyla stepped in front of him, Jace let out a sigh of relief. That was his initial response, of course. As soon as the relief faded, the anger crept in. "You were seriously just yanking my chains? After what happened with Alec and Iz last week?" The frown that formed on his face was enough to let anyone know exactly how mad he was. With a shake of his head, Jace turned around on his heels and headed back into his room. "Of course I was worried, Ly. We've lost enough people, don't you think? The last thing I need is to lose my best friend too."

Magnus stared at his phone for a few long minutes, trying to decide what the right answer should be. If he agreed, they could possibly work things out, but... It could just end in another argument. If he declined, though, he'd never find out where this would lead to. Okay. I'll be waiting. He sent the message, deciding that was enough of an approval, and he set his phone aside so that he could scrub a hand over his face in an attempt to calm his nerves.

---

Lyla's expression softened upon hearing his words. It was enough to make her feel guilty and she sighed quietly. "I'm sorry, Jace," she told him quietly, though she followed after him quickly, closing the door behind them. "You know I act on impulse. I couldn't help it." She pouted slightly, eying him, before she moved to sit on the edge of the bed. "Forgive me? I'll do my best to avoid pulling my silly pranks on you from now on, promise."

As soon as he read Magnus' reply, Alec grabbed his jacket. He was going to go to Magnus' place and he was going to fix the relationship that he screwed up. Tugging the jacket on, he rushed out of his room, down the stairs and out of the Institute, ignoring anyone who tried to stop him to talk to him. People could wait. Magnus was important. He was the most important thing in Alec's life right now.

---

Jace let out a sigh as he shrugged his jacket off and flopped down onto his bed. "You really should've learnt by now that your silly pranks just happen at the wrong time. Always." With a shake of his head, Jace nudged the brunette with his foot. "No more silly pranks. Not till we get done with Valentine and Sebastian, at the very least. After that, we can get back to pranking each other."

Magnus moved to his balcony, looking out over the city. Part of him was keeping an eye out for Alec, but the other part of him was trying to relax with everything that had happened lately. He wasn't sure that a relationship with Alec was safe right now, when they could be used against one another. Then again, he didn't want to lose any more time with Alec. He wanted to cherish the time he did get to be in Alec's life an the time Alec got to be in his. Perhaps that was why he was trying to be forgiving; he didn't want to give up yet.

---

Lyla grinned and glanced over her shoulder at him. "Once we get done with them, though, it's a free for all," she chimed before she shifted, climbing up further on his bed to lie down, stretching out a bit. "And I won't show any mercy, not even to you," she hummed out, watching him for a moment, "So you better be prepared." It was nice to just try to forget about everything that had been going wrong lately. It was even nicer to be able to just lie down and talk with Jace, though. It'd been hard to talk to him much lately, with Clary being around.

It didn't take Alec too long to get to Magnus' apartment building. Taking a deep breath, he hit the buzzer, hoping Magnus would let him in. He knew that the warlock had said it was okay for him to come over but he knew how Magnus could get and, with everything he had done, Alec just hoped that Magnus hadn't changed his mind already about agreeing to see him.

---

Sliding his arm around his best friend, Jace tugged her close, a smile on his face. "Yep. I'll finally get you back for all your badly timed silly pranks. As soon as we get done with Valentine and Sebastian." With a chuckle, he closed his eyes. It felt nice, normal to just lie in bed with Lyla, talking about silly things like pranks. He couldn't remember the last time he'd just chilled with her.

Magnus didn't move from his balcony but he did use a small wave of his hand to magically press the button to allow Alec into the building. He even went ahead to unlock the door from where he was as well, figuring that Alec could just come straight in. Knowing that Alec could be in his apartment any moment from now, though, set Magnus' nerves alight again. How was he to face Alec after everything? It twisted his stomach to think that he could expect this all to be so easy; this conversation could make or break them.

---

When Lyla felt Jace's arm around her, she felt her cheeks warm up and she was quick to bury her face against Jace's shirt to hide it. It was nothing new for them to lie down like this. It wasn't even new for him to wrap an arm around her on occasion. But, it felt different from how it felt when they were kids. "I don't think you have enough prank ideas to match up to all of my silly pranks," she chimed, though her voice was slightly muffled against the fabric of his shirt. "We'll find a way to get rid of them soon." She hoped, anyways.

Alec slowly moved into the loft. He was nervous. His hands were shaking. he honestly couldn't remember the last time he was in this condition. If he was to be honest, he had never been in this situation before. As he made his way to the balcony, Alec went over the words in his head, knowing that he wouldn't be able to say them out loud once he laid his eyes on Magnus. The man made his heart skip a beat and Alec wasn't ashamed to admit to himself, at the very least, that Magnus made him forget simple words.

---

"Come on, Lyla. Everything you know, I taught you. Do you really think I don't have a few tricks up my sleeves?" A chuckle left Jace's lips as he buried his face in her hair. This felt normal to him. As normal as watching Alec and Izzy together, as normal as watching Simon pine after Clary. As normal as watching Max running around the training room. "I sure as hell hope so. Because their tricks are getting real old real fast and I'm starting to get a little bored with all the Morgenstern drama."

Magnus only turned to look at Alec when he heard the other coming towards the balcony. It felt like it had been ages since he'd last seen Alec, even though Magnus knew it hadn't been too long at all. He took in the sight of Alec, though he wondered if Alec had missed him as much as he had missed Alec. Then again, there was likely no question about it, since Alec had been trying to contact him so much. "Hello, Alexander," he greeted with a small nod, hoping to break the silence but also unsure of what else he could say at the moment.

---

A quiet snort came from Lyla and she rolled her eyes slightly. Still, her face remained buried against him and her eyes closed over as she enjoyed this while she could. "Oh? What tricks might you have up your sleeve, then?" she asked in a hum, though she didn't expect to get much of an answer. She didn't care much either way, too distracted with being this close to Jace. "I agree," she muttered quietly, "I miss when everything was calmer. I mean, things weren't perfect, but... Things are just crazy now because of those two."

Alec stood in front of Magnus, a small, unsure smile on his face. He wanted to move closer to hug the warlock but he knew that that was probably the last thing either of them needed. They needed to talk, sort things out before he got any closer and Alec knew that. "Magnus." The name felt so familiar, so home-like to him that it made his heart flutter. "Thank you so much for seeing me."

---

"And why would I give up my tricks to someone who's been going after me with tricks of her own?" Raising his brows, Jace let out a short laugh before sobering up. "Yeah. I liked it when things weren't this complicated. I almost wish we'd never met Clary at Pandemonium."

(Sorry this took a while! I've been a little busy, because my grandma broke her shoulder, elbow, and fractured her ribs the other night and I've been helping to take care of her.)

Magnus tried not to let the emotions swell up in him. He'd been hurt many times before, but he was certain that, of all those times, this had been the worst for him. Regardless, he offered a small nod in response. "I'm glad you came," he told Alec, and, though he was still pained by what happened, he was telling the truth. "Would you like a drink?"

---

"And here I thought you trusted me," Lyla joked lightly, though she fell silent upon hearing Jace's last statement. She wished that a lot, to be honest. And, it wasn't almost wishing, like it was for Jace. She genuinely wished it, even if she couldn't admit it out loud sometimes. "Things were a lot easier before we met her, I'll say that." She missed that.

Alec would usually decline his offer, but this definitely wasn't anything usual. "I could do with one, yes. Thank you." He murmured, glancing around the balcony. He raised his hand, as if he were already holding a glass in hand. He knew Magnus well enough to know that the warlock wasn't going to actually go and pour him a drink. He was more of a conjure-a-drink kind of warlock.

---

"You know I trust you as much as I trust Alec. Maybe even more." He murmured. Turning his head, he buried his face in her hair, a smile forming on his face. "Things were a lot easier, yeah. But they were boring too. At least now we get a lot of action." Jace had always been one to never back down from a fight and anyone who knew him, knew that.

There was a flick of Magnus' hand, color at his fingertips, and a glass filled with one of Magnus' favorites appeared in both Alec's and his own hands. Alcohol was a necessity for conversations like this, he was certain of it. The fact that Alec had even agreed to a drink said more than enough about that. Looking back over the balcony, he let out a sigh. "So, we're meant to talk, yes?" he asked, "It's odd. Even I don't know where to begin."

---

"Ooh, I guess we can't let Alec ever hear that," Lyla said with amusement, though it was nice to hear. She wasn't entirely sure if it was true or not, but it didn't really matter. Feeling the pressure of Jace's face against her hair, she couldn't help but smile herself. It was moments like these that mattered to her. "I completely prefer the boring past. It was easier and we didn't have to worry as much about somebody dying or getting seriously hurt."

Alec finally stepped closer and leaned against the balcony. A soft sigh left his lips as he glanced over at Magnus. "I know. But I'm going to start with apologising. I'm sorry I went behind your back to Camille, of all people. And I'm sorry I tried to immortalise myself, or that I tried to look for ways to make you a mortal. I shouldn't have done it. I just... I was worried about us. About how you're immortal and me, I could die on any mission on any given day."

---

"Pretty sure Alec already knows that. Actually, I think he's kind of jealous of you because of that." Chuckling into her hair, Jace smiled. He wasn't going to admit that he'd missed having Lyla this close to him, but he had. "I know what you mean. Every mission we go on, I'm constantly scared that one of us might not come back. And when you go out without me..." He trailed off, not even wanting to think about any scenarios that could end with his best friend dead.