Pick Up the Pieces !

When Madelyn pressed back against him, Matt smirked, knowing she'd reached her climax. Letting her turn to sit down on the bench, Matt tucked himself back into his swim trunks. Now that he was satisfied, if he had enough beers he might hopefully be able to restfully sleep. He tensed slightly when Madelyn wrapped her arms around his waist, a bit too lost in his thoughts to realize she was going to touch him. It was still something he needed to get used to and he hated it. He hated how unless he was expecting it, his wife's touch made him uncomfortable. "Yeah, it was a good idea," Matt agreed. He smirked again, although it felt a bit forced this time.

"Why don't we head inside and open up that bottle of wine you have hidden away in the corner cabinet?" Matt suggested, trying to keep his tone light and teasing. In his mind, the more alcohol he had the easier it would be for him to sleep. And if he got some sleep, maybe he could finally stop being so tense. Matt climbed out of the hot tub, collecting his empty beer bottle from the yard before looking over at Madelyn expectantly. It was still early and he was sure she wouldn't pass up an opportunity to spend time alone with him without the boys, even if he doubted she was all that happy he wanted to continue drinking.

Once he was inside and in dry clothing, Matt was quick to pull out Madelyn's bottle of wine. He was never really much of a wine drinker unless he was stressed and there was nothing harder in the house. But it had a higher alcohol concentration than beer, so it would have to do. "I'm going to sleep like a baby tonight," Matt said as Madelyn sat down next to him on the couch. "Maybe I'll be in a better mood tomorrow." But even as he said that, he doubted it. His anxiety and tension might fade, but the boys would still push his buttons and so would Madelyn.

Madelyn was admittedly a bit upset when she realized Matt wanted to continue drinking tonight. She had thought the beer and sex combined would be enough to relax him fully. Biting back a sigh, Madelyn offered a smile as she nodded. She wasn't really that put off and she certainly wasn't going to pass up the opportunity to spend time with Matt simply because he wanted to have a glass of wine. That would just be stupid on her part. She lingered in the hot tub for a few moments before finally dragging herself out after fixing her bikini bottoms. Madelyn tugged her robe on, not bothering to put her top back on as she headed inside.

Changing into a pair of pajama shorts and one of Matt's Marines shirts, Madelyn headed back downstairs after sliding her feet into her slippers. She smiled as the view of Matt relaxing on the couch into view. It was heartwarming to see her husband do something other than look tense and moping. She sat beside Matt, only for her heart to sink as Matt started to speak. She didn't say anything, thinking it was better to just remain quiet instead of arguing with him.

"What movie do you want to watch?" Madelyn asked, hoping to change the subject. She slid her feet out of her slippers, tucking them beneath her as she leaned into Matt's side. She made sure to keep her hands tucked in toward herself, not wanting to overcrowd Matt with touching him too much but she hoped this was alright. "Is this okay?" She asked after a beat of silence, lifting her gaze up to him.

[I'm sorry if this is terrible ]

Matt wasn't really sure what happened. The last few days were a complete blur and even when he tried, he could only conjure up bits and pieces. All he remembered was leaving the house to meet one of his old friends from boot camp and now suddenly he was sitting in his SUV, not really sure how he got there. He hadn't looked in a mirror in days, so he had no way of knowing that he looked like, well, like he'd been in a fight. And he was so dazed that he hadn't registered the fact that his clothing was stained with blood. After sitting for a few minutes, Matt had enough sense to check his phone and not surprisingly, it was filled with missed calls and texts from Madelyn. Her last message was what spurred Matt into action, because he certainly didn't want her to call the police, even if it was just because she was worried about him.

As Matt drove home, the effects of the past few days started to catch up to him. He felt sluggish and tired and there was a dull ache at the base of his skull. He just wanted to crawl into bed and sleep, since he felt like he hadn't gotten any at all over the past few days. And then he would have to give Mark a call and see if he could figure out what the hell had happened. It was late afternoon by the time he pulled into the driveway and he knew Madelyn and the boys would likely be in the living room, watching cartoons. He was sure Madelyn would be on him as soon as he walked through the front door and he just hoped she didn't start asking questions, because God, he just didn't know.

Matt had hoped to slip inside at least without the boys realizing, but as soon as he shut the door, he heard a small voice shouting to him from the living room. Seconds later, Cash came sprinting around the corner into the foyer, stopping in his tracks when he caught sight of Matt's appearance. Matt didn't quite understand why the toddler was looking at him like that, but before he could give it more than a second's thought, Madelyn was coming around the corner as well, her look of worry morphing to one of confusion and anger. He was both prepared and not prepared for the onslaught of questions she started to throw at him and he really wasn't in the mood for it. "Madelyn please, I just want to go to bed," Matt mumbled, trying to get her to stop talking. "Madelyn, Goddammit, shut up! Shit. I don't know what the fuck happened, okay? But maybe if you would give me a little time to think or fucking call Mark, I might be able to figure it out."

{no it's fine }

Madelyn sat between the boys, an arm wrapped around each of them while they cuddled into her sides. She was staring blankly at the television in front of her, not really paying any attention at all to the movie that she had put on for the boys. Her mind was elsewhere, too preoccupied with worrying about Matt. She hadn't heard from him in days and she was beginning to grow more and more fearful. Where was Matt? Was he hurt somewhere? Dead? She had called the local hospitals, the jails and gotten no response. She had even gone as far as to call the bars that she knew Matt frequented because she thought maybe he would be at one of those and she got a 'no' from each and every one of them. Some took down her phone number and promised to call if he showed up but they never had.

She had spent each night crying, curled around Matt's pillow to hug his scent to her. Madelyn was terrified that something had happened to him and she would never see him again. She had already lost Cash, who was like a brother to her. She couldn't lose Matt, not here. Not when he was safe stateside. Matt wouldn't deploy ever again but now, she was afraid that she had lost him. When the front door finally started to open, Madelyn exhaled slowly as her eyes flicked to the doorway. Cash got up first and Madelyn was quick to follow, River too involved in the movie to care.

Madelyn stopped dead in her tracks when she caught sight of Matt for the first time. She was relieved that he was here but fuck if she wasn't pissed the hell off. She straightened, rushing forward to scoop Cash into her arms. She set him down, urging him to head back into the living room with his brother. Turning around, Madelyn opened her mouth to start asking all of the questions that had rose to the top. Matt cut her off and she froze, her eyes narrowing as she huffed. She gave a shake of her head, stepping out of the way and into the kitchen. Now that all of her worry was gone, Madelyn was so beyond pissed off that she just wanted to grab Matt by the shoulders and shake him.

Fixing a bowl of popcorn and two cups of chocolate milk for the boys, Madelyn took them into the living room before she headed upstairs. Matt had headed up there and she just couldn't let this go. If it had been a few hours, maybe, but this had been days that Matt had been missing. Opening the bedroom door, Madelyn was quick to step inside before shutting it behind her. She crossed her arms, glaring at Matt. "First of all, don't ever cuss in front of the boys like that. Cash is two and a half," she snapped, her anger only rising. "And second of all, I want some sort of fucking answer, Matthew! I don't think you understand that I genuinely thought you were dead! I called the jails, I called the hospitals and I couldn't find you!" By the end of her little rant, Madelyn's voice had pitched and a few frustrated tears began to fall.

Pushing past Madelyn, Matt made his way upstairs. He just wanted to lay down and sleep off whatever had happened over the past few days, whatever that was. Hell, maybe a good rest would help him remember what the fuck he'd been up to. Once he was in the bedroom, Matt was finally able to catch a glimpse of his appearance and he was a little shocked. It looked like he'd been through the ringer and apparently so had somebody else, if he went by the amount of blood on his clothing. Now that he thought about it, Mark had been involved in some less than legal activity since leaving the Marines and if Matt remembered correctly, he'd been dishonorably discharged.

Stripping down naked, Matt tossed his blood-stained clothing into the corner, pulling out a fresh set. He still felt a little dirty, but a shower could wait. He was exhausted and he just wanted to crawl into bed and be left alone. But as soon as he'd taken a seat on the edge of the bed the door opened and Madelyn stepped inside. Matt made no effort to hide his actions as he rolled his eyes at her. Hadn't he made it clear that he just wanted to go to bed? He knew Madelyn was angry and he knew she deserved an answer as to why he'd been missing for days, but having her shouting at him only made Matt angry as well and then he didn't care what Madelyn deserved.

Raising to his feet, Matt took a couple of steps towards Madelyn. He did this out of habit; he knew his stature was intimidating and he used it to his advantage, although he rarely did so with Madelyn. But now he was angry, angrier than he could ever remember being with her. "The boys have heard cuss words before, they're not fucking deaf," Matt started, his voice already dangerously low. "And I told you I would give you a fucking answer when I had one. Or are you fucking deaf? Just go back downstairs to the boys and leave me alone like I fucking told you to." Matt turned away from Madelyn, intent on just ignoring her and going back to bed. But then he heard her saying something else to him, something he barely gave her a chance to stay before he turned around swiftly, laying his hand across her cheek. Grabbing her by the shoulders, Matt gave her a rough shake. "Leave. Me. Alone," he growled through gritted teeth.

Madelyn bristled when Matt rose to his full height, the fear that curled in her stomach was quick to disappear. Matt was her husband and as frustrated and angry as he likely was, he wouldn't hurt her. She was positive of that. Her eyes narrowed as Matt started to speak, her feelings being hurt by Matt's callous comment. "I don't give a shit if they've heard them before or not. They're still children!" Madelyn attempted to defend herself, having to fight back the urge to stomp her foot like a child. It was infuriating because it seemed like what little progress they had made together a few nights ago in the hot tub had been completely destroyed, by the looks of it.

"Matt, I'm onl-" Madelyn started to speak again, trying to ease the tension that seemed to only continue to grow within the room. She hadn't been expecting Matt to turn around so quickly and she hadn't been prepared for the stinging in her cheek. Madelyn yelped, reaching up to cup her cheek as a look of betrayal etched itself into his features. She looked up to him with wide eyes, flinching as Matt started to shake her. The moment that Matt's grip let up, Madelyn took several steps back to put distance between them. Her heart was pounding so hard that it felt like it was just about ready to beat out of her chest.

Madelyn opened and closed her mouth several times, at a complete loss for words. Choking back a sob, she couldn't help the way her face crumbled. She whirled around, rushing out of the room. She paused in the bathroom that the boys usually used, covering her mouth as the sobs started to wrack her body. Madelyn sniffled as she reached up, rapidly wiping away her tears. Her boys needed her downstairs, she didn't have the opportunity to let herself lose control. Madelyn whimpered as she turned the sink on, splashing herself in the face with cold water.

Putting on as bright of a smile as she could, Madelyn forced herself to head downstairs. She hoped that spending time with her sons would help her forget about what had just transpired, maybe ease the knot in the pit of her stomach a bit.

[whoops, I rambled a little, sorry ]

Matt could see the panic on Madelyn's face, but through the haze of his anger, he didn't really care. He'd never felt this...volatile before and especially never towards Madelyn. He had a feeling that it had something to do with what he'd been doing for the past few days, but he wouldn't know for sure what that was until he'd had a chance to call Mark. Matt watched wordlessly as Madelyn backed out of the room, turning to drop onto the bed once she'd gone. A small part of him felt like he should try and apologize to her and spend a little time with the boys, but he couldn't find it in himself to care enough right now. Right now all he wanted to do was sleep like the dead for a few days and then try and piece things together once he'd gotten a little rest.

At some point, Matt managed to fall asleep and it was some of the most restful sleep he'd had since he'd been discharged. When he woke up the next morning, he wasn't surprised to find Madelyn's side of the bed empty. She'd likely slept on the couch last night or possibly in bed with one of the boys. He couldn't say he blamed her for not wanting to be near him last night but he still didn't feel all that guilty about what he'd done. In his mind, Madelyn had brought that on herself. She knew how unstable he'd been since his last deployment. He'd had to watch his baby brother die right in front of his eyes, for Christ's sake. And then she'd cornered him and yelled at him when all he wanted to do was rest.

Reaching for his phone, the first thing Matt noticed was that he had a message from Mark. Perhaps he would be able to get the answers he was looking for. Meet me at the pier at noon. There's a few things we need to talk about. The message was more cryptic than helpful, but Matt quickly decided he needed to meet with Mark. He typed back a quick reply, letting him know he would be there once he'd had a change to shower and brew a pot of coffee. He was quiet as he went about his morning routine, slipping out of the house without a word once he'd showered and had his coffee in hand. Matt was a little early for their little meeting, but he could see that Mark's car was already there waiting.

"I'm sure you probably have a couple of questions," Mark started as Matt dropped into his passenger seat. Matt raised an eyebrow, nodding his head. "There's really not any way to overexplain it, so I'll just say it. Since I was discharged, I've been working for a small mob faction in southern California. A few days ago, I accepted a job that was a little outside of my abilities, so I asked an old friend to step in."

The intention of Mark's words hit Matt like a freight train. "Mark, did I kill someone?" Matt asked. Mark nodded and then suddenly everything came flooding back. He remembered kidnapping a man from his home, dragging him kicking and screaming to the middle of the woods, putting a bullet in the back of his skull. But more than anything, Matt remembered that he'd actually liked it. "So what happens now?"

"What happens now is that my...boss has asked me to extend a more permanent job offer to you," Mark answered. "So...do you accept?"

Without a moments' hesitation or shadow of a doubt, Matt nodded.

{that's okay }

Madelyn had been exhausted by the time the next morning rolled around. She had tried to fall asleep on the couch but it had been completely useless. After tossing and turning for a few hours, Madelyn had sat up turned the television on. It wasn't too long before she completely zoned out, her mind running through the events in the bedroom over and over. She found that she was blaming herself. In the back of her mind, Madelyn knew that it wasn't her fault but she just felt God awful. She was trying everything that she could think of to help Matt but none of it seemed to be working. All of her attempts were met with complete resistance, Matt only ever showing frustration and anger.

It killed her because the husband that she had when Matt departed for his last tour and the Matt that had been discharged were two entirely different men. Before he would have never dreamed of laying a hand on her or speaking to her that way and now, it hadn't even seemed to make Matt flinch. Sure, sometimes he got a little rough with her but that had always been by her invitation. It was an entirely different thing when Madelyn didn't ask him to.

The morning started up and Madelyn forced herself to stand. She decided that the boys could just have cereal for breakfast, far too exhausted to put effort into a meal for them. She woke them around eight in the morning, bringing them downstairs to be met with a bowl of cereal each. Madelyn sat back down on the couch, forcing a smile to her face when they joined her a few minutes later. She was sure there was a bit of a mess for her to clean up but she would get to that. Later.

Madelyn wrapped an arm around River's shoulders when he laid against her, Cash curling up in her lap. They were both chatting away and Madelyn let herself drift away, not even noticing when Matt left the house. She jerked to alertness when Cash asked where daddy was going. She glanced up, swallowing before she bit back a sigh. "I don't know, mister. But I'm sure that he'll be back in a little while, okay?" Madelyn assured her sons, fighting back a yawn as she ruffled Cash's hair.

Matt didn't want to think about what he'd just signed onto. This obviously had the possibility of ending very badly, but right now Matt didn't care about that. If he hadn't heard about this supposed mob until now, so they had to be good at hiding themselves. And maybe having an outlet for his PTSD might help him get back to normal, so that he could have the sort of life he'd had before Cash died. Matt only stayed long enough for Mark to give him a nontraceable flip phone and instructions. Obviously, he wasn't allowed to tell anyone about any of this, not that he planned to. Whenever this mysterious boss had a job for him, he would receive a text message with the name of his target and nothing else. The method of death and disposal would be left to Matt's discretion, however, proof of death would be required before he received any sort of payment.

It was just short of one in the afternoon when Matt pulled back into the driveway. He knew Madelyn and the boys were likely in the living room and he hoped that Madelyn would have smart enough not to ask him any questions. Matt tried to be as silent as he could as he entered the house, kicking off his shoes and shrugging off his jacket. He went into the kitchen to put his coffee cup in the sink and make a sandwich before he went into the living room. As soon as he came into sight, Cash and River both perked up, the younger boy peeling himself away from Madelyn and running over to Matt. He wrapped his arms around Matt's leg, looking up at his father with a wide grin on his face. "Daddy, you home!" he exclaimed.

"Uh yeah, I'm home," Matt said. He reached out and gently pried Cash from his leg before going to sit in the recliner next to the couch. Not surprisingly, the toddler followed right behind him, scrambling up to join Matt in the recliner. He tried to climb into Matt's lap, but Matt stopped him. "Cash, Daddy is trying to eat," he said. "Just sit next to me." Cash started to whine, but a stern look from Matt was all he needed to fall silent. Matt didn't really mind that Cash wanted to be close to him, but he wasn't going to let him whine just because he didn't get what he wanted.

Madelyn lifted her chin when she heard the front door open and close, her jaw tensing as she pressed her back into the couch. She knew it had to be Matt arriving home but she didn't greet him, still unsure of what was even acceptable at this point. She had tried to help him yesterday and just look how that had turned out. Biting back a sigh, Madelyn turned her attention back to River who was excitedly pointing at the video game he was playing on her screen. "Yeah, that's really neat, buddy," she said, offering a forced smile. She was happy that the boys seemed oblivious to the fight she'd had with Matt the night before, not wanting them to ever be affected by any tension in her relationship with their father.

Looking up when Cash launched off of the couch to greet Matt, Madelyn's gaze met his for the briefest of moments before she turned away. River beamed at Matt, waving excitedly before he turned back to the level he was on. Madelyn was absolutely exhausted, she wanted nothing more than to go upstairs and slip off to sleep but she couldn't exactly leave the boys with no supervision. She would have asked Matt if he was alright if she took a short nap but she didn't want to add any unnecessary stress on Matt's shoulders, she wanted to keep him as relaxed and happy as she could.

Clearing her throat after a few minutes, Madelyn looked up. "I was thinking about taking the boys to a movie tomorrow afternoon. The new Minions movie is out," Madelyn spoke, having already mentioned the possibility to the boys earlier so they didn't start jumping up and down to harass Matt into agreement. "Would you want to come with us?"

Cash waited almost patiently for Matt to set his empty plate aside before climbing into Matt's lap. The toddler seemed happy to be close to his father, but Matt felt stiff. Of course he loved his son; he loved both of them more than anything. But ever since his last deployment, he just felt...distant. That was the only way he could think to describe it. He knew it was his PTSD that made him feel this way and he felt hopeless. He felt like his only option was to see a therapist but what would they do? Force him to relive his baby brother's death and stuff him full of pills? He would rather die than turn into some pill zombie. But what sort of man would he be if he just left his family behind? And besides, with this new job of his, perhaps he would have a good enough outlet for his problems and would be able to feel normal again soon.

When Madelyn started to mention a movie, Cash instantly perked up. Remembering their trip to the beach the other day, Matt was reluctant to agree but somehow he got the idea that he couldn't really stay home. And it was a movie. They would be sitting in the dark, so maybe Matt wouldn't feel so much like everyone was watching him. "I guess I'll go," Matt finally said. "But let's go to an early showing, that way there might be less people." He hoped things would go more smoothly than their last outing, but he doubted things would go without a single issue. The boys were young, especially Cash, and even though the movie was something they both probably wanted to see, Matt had a feeling they would have to get onto both of them at least once.

"River, I think it's time you turned that game off," Matt said a few minutes later. "It's nice outside. Go out to the backyard and play." He didn't want the boys to spend all of their time in front of the television.

"Come play with us, Daddy!" River said. "Mommy, too! Let's play soccer!"

Madelyn was more than a bit surprised when Matt agreed to go to the movie with them. She was relieved though, a bit hopeful that it might mean he was wanting to turn over a new leaf. She knew that he had been in a rut since Cash had died and she couldn't really blame him, she didn't think anyone could. He had agreed to the beach the day before and a movie tomorrow, that was progress. It had to be. Right?

She didn't comment when Matt told River to turn the video game off, finding that she agreed with him and there was no point in adding needless tension. Especially when River did so with no argument in sight. Madelyn was almost a bit excited at the idea of the boys playing outside, thinking that they might get a minute alone but then River was begging them to play soccer. How could she say no?

Pushing to her feet, Madelyn grinned as she reached out and ruffled River's hair. "Take your brother outside. Daddy and I will be out in just a minute, okay?" She watched as her sons ventured outside before slowly turning toward Matt. Madelyn dropped down onto the couch beside him, reaching out to hold his hand. "I just want you to know i appreciate the effort you're putting in with the boys... I love you and I'm here for you. If you need anything, okay?" She whispered, giving his hand a light squeeze. It was all she thought she could do at this point, encourage Matt wherever possible and just wait for him to get back to his normal self. Or as normal as he could be now.

Matt bit back a sigh when River asked them to come outside and play soccer. He didn't have the energy for that right now, but he didn't feel like listening to anyone whine about anything right now. He was just about to get to his feet when Madelyn shooed the boys aside and he huffed before dropping back onto the couch. Whatever she had to say to him, Matt doubted he would like it. "Of course I'm putting in an effort, I'm not a monster," Matt huffed. But maybe he was. He'd killed someone and he'd liked doing it and even further, he'd agreed to potentially and very likely kill even more people. But Matt would try his hardest not to take his aggression out on the boys. As distant as he'd felt from them since his discharge, they were still his sons and they were innocent in all of this.

Finally rising to his feet, Matt trudged out to the backyard, where River and Cash were already kicking around the soccer ball. Well, River was kicking it, Cash was trying. He hadn't quite gotten the hang of keeping his balance when he kicked and he kept falling over. "Be easy with your brother, River," Matt said, his tone of voice enough of a warning for the older boy. River paused before kicking the ball in Matt's direction and he kicked it over to Cash, who was eager to give it a kick in whatever direction he could. It felt like it had been forever since he'd been outside with his sons like this and any other time he would have enjoyed this, but right now he didn't. He felt disconnected.

Matt's attention lapsed momentarily and the next thing he knew, Cash was on the ground, crying as the soccer ball bounced away. Without even asking, Matt knew what had happened and he turned to River with a frown. "Didn't I tell you to be careful with Cash?" Matt shouted. The little boy's lip immediately began to quiver but Matt didn't feel any sympathy. "You should know better than to kick the ball that fucking hard at him." Glancing over at Cash, Matt could immediately see that his lip was busted open. He scooped the toddler up from the ground. "Go to your mom, now," he told River. "She can decide what to do with you. I'm going to go clean your brother up."

Madelyn frowned slightly, her brows pulling together when Matt snapped at her. That wasn't really how she had meant for him to take her appreciation and now she was left wondering why she had spoken up. She had meant for it to show that she appreciated everything he was doing for them. She knew that it had to be hard for him sometimes, even to show love for his family so she just wanted him to know she was here for him. Biting back a sigh, Madelyn's shoulders sagged as she followed Matt into the backyard.

A smile returned to her face as she watched the boys kick around the soccer ball, not even reacting when Matt warned River to be careful. It wasn't as if Matt was wrong so she saw no need to say anything, especially since he hadn't really been all that harsh with River. The next thing she knew, Cash was on the ground crying and River looked like a kicked puppy. Her heart sank as Matt scolded River, scooping up their youngest son before disappearing into the house. Madelyn sighed as she knelt down, wrapping her arms around River when he all but launched into her arms. She knew that he hadn't meant to hurt Cash and she was sure Cash knew it too. Hell, Madelyn wouldn't be surprised if Cash wasn't actually hurt and was more shocked from falling over than anything.

"I know, baby," Madelyn whispered, running her fingers through River's hair. "I know you didn't mean to. And Cash knows it, too, okay? Daddy just doesn't want to see your little brother hurt," she murmured, ruffling River's hair for a moment before she wiped tears from his eye. Madelyn bit back a sigh as she sat up, carrying River inside. She plopped him on the kitchen counter, deciding that she minus well get a quick snack together for the boys before putting them down for their afternoon nap. Then she could talk to Matt about being a little less harsh with the boys. She had no clue how to approach the conversation since it hadn't gone so well last time but still, she felt like it was something that needed to be addressed.

Matt watched as River all but launched himself into his mother's arms but paid them no attention other than that. He nudged the sliding door open with his foot and carried Cash inside and upstairs to the bathroom, plopping him onto the counter as he searched for a rag to clean up his face. "Hold still," he said, gripping the toddler's chin when he tried to squirm away from the rag. "Daddy's just trying to clean your face up." When he was finished, Matt tossed the rag over near the hamper, hoisting Cash down from the counter. "Go downstairs and find your mom, I'm sure she's probably making you a snack."

It seemed like 'snack' was the magic word, because the instant it left Matt's mouth, Cash perked up. He rushed downstairs, shouting out to Madelyn that he wanted a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Matt followed him downstairs, feeling the tension as soon as he stepped foot in the kitchen. He knew it wouldn't be much of a stretch to assume that Madelyn didn't like the way he'd handled the situation with the boys. But how else was River supposed to know he needed to be careful with his younger brother if he wasn't scolded when he hurt him? Matt decided to make himself a sandwich as well, although he preferred ham over peanut butter. He sat down at the table with his plate, watching his wife and sons. He knew Madelyn wouldn't say a word to him about anything with the boys around, but she would be putting them down for their afternoon naps once they were finished eating.

Matt went into the living room while Madelyn took the boys upstairs. She would probably be up there for at least ten or fifteen minutes, Cash always fought going down for his nap. There was plenty of time for him to slip out of the house and avoid Madelyn's lecture but he knew that would only make her angrier and thus make things worse. He doubted the conversation they would soon have would be civil, thanks to his temper, but he would rather get it over with sooner than later.

Madelyn spent a bit longer upstairs with the boys after having put them down for their nap, not wanting to face the argument she was sure that she was about the walk into. She didn't think Matt was going to take what she had to say well and she wasn't about to stand down either. If it had been about anything other than her kids, she would have likely decided to just brush it off so that they didn't argue. But River and Cash were her world and she wasn't going to let anyone be harsh with them, that included Matt as well. Letting out a sigh as she climbed away from River on his bed, Madelyn tip toed out of the bedroom the boys shared.

She stared down the stairs, rehearsing what she was going to say to Matt over and over. Madelyn almost headed into the kitchen to grab a glass of water but she decided that that could wait. If she kept putting off this discussion with Matt, she would only continue to do so and this was something that needed to be addressed sooner rather than later. Clearing her throat when she stepped into the living room, Madelyn crossed her arms as she lingered by the couch that Matt sat on.

"Matt," she said his name to get his attention, pausing long enough to take a deep breathe before she launched into what she had been rehearsing in her head. "You can't just go and scream at River because he did something wrong. Same goes with Cash... it just, it's been proven that it doesn't work for parenting. You have to treat them like a human, because shouting and getting mad is only going to scare them. They aren't old enough to understand anything else, they're not your freakin' privates in the Corps or anything else," Madelyn said, letting out a huff as she finished speaking. "River, he's genuinely thinking you hate him or something," she admitted, a frown forming on her lips. "You'll need to take to him after his nap."

When Madelyn lingered upstairs, Matt knew she was avoiding the conversation they would inevitably have. But she wasn't stupid. She probably knew just as well as he did that their conversation would escalate into an argument. His temper had been bad even before his latest deployment and Madelyn always seemed to find a way to press every single one of his buttons. And their worst arguments always involved the boys. Matt ignored Madelyn as she stood next to the couch, only turning to look at her when she said his name. He didn't even have a chance to say a word to her before she launched into her speech and by the time she was finished, Matt's blood was just barely under boiling.

"River is old enough to understand that he needs to be careful with his brother," Matt told her, his voice low. "And what the hell am I supposed to do, reason with toddlers? In case you haven't noticed, they're not very reasonable. They don't listen to logic. And River knows damn well I don't hate him just because I screamed at him one fucking time." Then again, it was pretty likely that his oldest son did think Matt hated him and Matt knew he would have to talk to him when the boys wake up. Matt had already lost his baby brother, he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he lost his sons, too.

"By the way, I'd really appreciate it if you stopped lecturing me on how to be a parent," Matt said. He got to his feet, stepping up to Madelyn. "Just because I yell at River and Cash sometimes doesn't mean I don't know how to be a good father. I'm not a heartless monster. All of the bullshit I've been through, the bullshit that made me this way, I did it for them. And for you. So you could feel safe. And in return, you've apparently decided to make me feel like an incompetent parent just I scolded my son."

Madelyn let out a dry laugh when Matt said the boys didn't listen to logic. She damn well knew that. She had spent the last ten minutes trying to reassure River that his father wasn't actually angry with him, just upset that Cash had gotten hurt. She gritted her teeth, giving a shake of her head. "You're fucking unbelievable, Matt!" Madelyn hissed through gritted teeth, turning her attention back to him. She bristled when Matt closed the distance between them but she had written off Matt getting physical as a one time thing so she didn't think too much about it. Matt loved her, they were allowed to disagree on things. They were adults, after all. They were married, it was bound to happen at times.

Huffing, Madelyn shook her head as she jabbed a finger in Matt's chest. "No. Stop acting like a victim, Matthew because I'm telling you you handled a situation wrong!" She snapped, giving a shake of her head. "Honestly you're standing there arguing my damn point for me. You're right. River is a toddler, he doesn't understand logic, he's not very reasonable at all," Madelyn paused, a crestfallen look overtaking her features suddenly.

"River asked me why you love Cash more than him. I told him that was wrong and that you just don't want either of them to be hurt by anyone, including each other. But so help me God, if you don't talk to him after his nap, you can sleep on the damn couch until your sort out whatever has gotten into you because I'm sick of it. I'm sick of the way you treat the boys and I won't put up with it. Do you understand me?" Madelyn spoke, her voice taking on a hard edge as she looked up to Matt.

Matt was trying hard to control his temper, he really was. But Madelyn was making it so hard. When she jabbed her finger into his chest, he grabbed her wrist and twisted her arm back, shoving it against her chest. "I didn't handle the damn situation wrong!" Matt shouted. "Just because you disagree doesn't make it wrong. All I did was yell at him. It wasn't like I hit him or anything, Jesus Christ." He fell silent as Madelyn continued to speak and the more she said, the angrier he became. To him it felt like she was calling him a bad father and that made his blood boil.

But Matt did have to admit, when Madelyn said that River asked her why he loved Cash more than him, he did feel bad. Even if being around his family was hard sometimes since his latest deployment, Matt still loved both of his sons and he loved them equally, no matter what River thought. "You're sick of it, huh?" Matt repeated. He reached out again, placing his hands on Madelyn's shoulders and shoving her backwards. "Well maybe I'm sick of it, too. Maybe I'm fucking sick of the way you undermine me. Maybe I'm sick of feeling like I'm going fucking crazy and you making it worse. So fuck off. You have no Goddamn idea what I saw over there. I watched my baby brother get killed right in front of me, I had his fucking blood on my hands and my face. I'm fucking sick of you thinking things are just going to go back to normal."

Matt gave Madelyn one last shove, watching her trip over the corner of the rug and fall onto the floor. "I'm going to check on the boys," he said. Turning his back to her, Matt headed up the stairs and down the hall to the boys' room. Peaking his head inside, he saw that River and Cash were both still asleep. They normally slept for about an hour or so and he was sure they'd only been asleep for about twenty minutes or so. Regardless, Matt decided to sit in the boys' room until they woke up. He knew Madelyn wouldn't try and continue their argument in here. She hated arguing in front of the boys.

"Yes! I'm sick o-" Madelyn was caught off guard when Matt shoved her, stumbling and throwing her arms out in an attempt to keep her balances. She huffed as she straightened back up, opening her mouth to finish what she had to say before Matt just continued to rant at her. Her face hardened the more and more that Matt spoke, only to feel like she had been punched in the gut when Matt mentioned his younger brother. God, she knew about the situation. It killed her, to know the pain that Matt had gone through and to know that she couldn't take it away from him.

Madelyn yelped as she hit the ground before she even really knew what was going on, wincing as she landed on her wrist wrong. She sat up, gritting her teeth against the pain. Her heart was hammering away in her chest and all she could do was sit there, staring at her wrist as it started to swell. Matt's words kept running through her head. Biting down on her bottom lip, Madelyn dropped her head and tried her damnedest to keep it together but it wasn't enough. Tears slid down her cheeks, the memory of Matt's brother fresh in her mind. She tried as hard as she could to make everything easier on Matt, did what she could think of to make him happy but it seemed like nothing she did helped. She had thought maybe if they could sort out some of the issues, they could move on to others and eventually, they would get to a better place.

A sob bubbled up, spilling out. Madelyn reached over, covering her mouth with her hand as she leaned against the couch. She eventually calmed down and dragged herself to her feet. Madelyn just wanted to go upstairs and go to sleep but she knew that she had to get dinner started. The boys were used to eating shortly after their naps and she hoped that a good home cooked meal would help with Matt's mood. She wanted to apologize the only way that she knew how and she was planning on going more in depth with that once they were alone again btu she didn't know how long that would be.