Long Time No See

@ katahdin
Luke’s body just shook as he sobbed, he couldn’t contain it or control it anymore. When Wren put herself in his lap and held him his cries softened but her still continued. He shook his head over and over. After a few minutes, he began to calm down. Luke took deep breaths and was trying to quit crying before looking at Wren again. He wiped his eyes on his sleeves before lifting his head to look at her. His eyes were bloodshot and puffy, his nose was red, he looked like a mess. “I can’t let you get hurt. I have to protect you.” He mumbled and grabbed her hands, holding them to his chest. “I will protect you, Wren. Don’t worry.”

Luke picked wren up as he stood up, and carried her back into the living room. He sat down and leaned into the couch, sitting wren next to him. “Please just, forget what happened for just a few minutes. Let’s just sit here in the quiet for a. Few minutes.” He said. Luke closed his eyes and was trying to compose himself again. He needed some peace and quiet to think of what to say or do next. His life has come crashing down around him and he felt like a cornered dog. He knew he couldn’t fight right now, but he knew he couldn’t run from this problem.

@ BadStreetBoys

Wren's fingers moved soothingly through his hair as he cried, pressing small, comforting kisses to his forehead as she tried to calm him down. She let him cry himself out, hands gently resting on his cheeks as he finally looked up at her, gently wiping the last of his tears from his cheeks. She smiled softly as he promised to protect her, nodding as she leaned forward to rest her forehead against his. "I know, I know you will, Luke.." she murmured, pressing a small kiss to his cheek.

She clung to him as he lifted her up and carried her to the couch, nodding a little as he asked to just sit in silence for a while. She snuggled into his side while he closed his eyes, fingers gently brushing against his cheeks and through his hair as she tried to comfort him. When she could tell he'd calmed down a bit more she shifted closer so she could sit in his lap, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips, gently cradling his cheeks in her hands. "I love you, Luke... With all my heart. We'll figure this out, I know it."

@ katahdin
Luke’s body felt as if it had gone through a car wreck, he wondered if this was what an adrenaline crash was. His body just felt weak, defeated, small. All he wanted was a few moments of clarity and silence so he could begin to piece together his now broken life. His eyes hurt, they burned from the quick released sobbing tears that he had held back for years. Like hated showing his emotions, especially the bad ones, so he bottled everything up. He didn’t even cry at his fathers funeral. His mind was cloudy, but the silence helped it clear. Like didn’t know much, but he knew he wasn’t letting Wren go. He couldn’t. Not again. In his mind, Luke mulled over the words she had said, the words he said, all of it. He knew she was right, he did have her, he could have called. But for some reason he refused. He didn’t want to ask for handouts, seem week. He didn’t want to get his hopes up talking to her, only to never see her again. It broke his heart leaving and he knew keeping in touch would break it over and over.

When Wren kissed him it brought him back to real time. He kissed back and his hands moved to her hips, gripping them tight, afraid to lose her. Luke nodded slightly, looking Wren up and down. He hated himself for breaking her and for allowing her to see him broken like this. “I’ve loved you since we were in the eighth grade,” he said, his voice crackly. Luke looked away for a moment and chuckled before turning his eyes back to her. “Sophomore year, before I moved, I was going to ask you to the winter formal. I had a big plan. Then I was going to ask you to be my girlfriend at the winter formal. All my boys were pumped. They knew it would be good.” He paused and licked him lips, his grip on her hips lessening but still noticeable. “Then dad died, and everything was uprooted, and I lost my chance. It broke my heart leaving you. And I knew staying in contact but being unable to see you again would just continue to break my heart again and again... so I didn’t call because I selfishly didn’t want to be hurt again.” Like swallowed hard as he finished his sentence. He knew it was a dick move but he was 15 what did he know? “I refuse to lose you again. We will figure things out because I refuse to walk away from this again.”

@ BadStreetBoys

Wren wished she could do more to comfort Luke right now when he needed it so much, but she was still terrified after what had happened earlier with his boss, and she couldn't help but feel a little bitter and resentful about how he'd treated her when they were younger. Sure, they'd only been fifteen, but they'd been best friends, and it had hurt when he didn't call or contact her. She knew that he had to have known that she would have helped him and his family when they needed it, would have been more than willing to come and visit him on weekends or vacations if he hadn't been able to come see her. She would have given him all of the money she'd saved up for college if it had meant that he and his family would have been happy and safe. But he was here now, and they couldn't change the past no matter how much they argued about it.

She hummed faintly against his lips as he kissed her back and she felt his grip on her hips tighten, resting her forehead against his lightly once he'd pulled back. She smiled faintly as he confessed that he'd loved her since eight grade, sniffling a little as she wiped at her eyes, although her tears only kept coming as he explained how he had been planning to ask her to the winter formal, and then to be his girlfriend at the dance. "I would have come visited.. You know I would have, we spent hours talking about how I'd visit you on weekends and vacations.. I know it's pointless to be upset about it because it's in the past, but I wish you would have called or texted or anything, because the last few years of high school were miserable without you, and I just... I just wish you'd called." She tucked her face into the crook of his neck, nodding a little as he promised not to lose her again. "I don't want to lose you either.. But I don't want you to get hurt, either. I wouldn't be able to bear it if you got hurt.."

@ katahdin
Luke knew how much his ghosting her had to hurt and it crushed him as he came to that realization. But he was going to fix it and make up for it. He had to. “I know” he murmured, his eyes moving away as she spoke. “I was selfish. I was lost.” He looked back up and breathed deeply. “It’s not an excuse, I don’t want to make an excuse because you deserve better. But I really didn’t know what to do. My life was just... gone. I’m sorry, if I could do it all again I would because hurting you is the last thing I wanted to do.” Luke moved his hands from her hips, one resting besides him, the other caressing her cheek. “Fuck those bitches from high school. They never were and never will be as beautiful and as smart as you. They’re probably pregnant with their minimum wage making boyfriends and stuck in our shitty home town right now. And you’re here in the big city working for the mayor with a double degree” he said and smiled. Luke was always so proud of Wren, he beamed with pride. Luke has kept tabs on her when he could, looking up local papers, her name, anything to see her accomplishments.

Luke didn’t want to think about the reality of what happened but he knew they had to. “I can’t just leave the gang, they’d kill me. But I can’t leave you either.” He said, matter of factly. “I’m a big boy, Wren, I can stand up for myself and defend myself.” Like really wasn’t sure why Fabio and Marco were so pissed He had a girlfriend, well almost had a girlfriend. It didn’t make sense. “If I gotta work harder to prove my loyalty to them I will. I’ll get to the bottom of it and figure out the issue and fix it. I dont get it. But I’ll fix it” he ran his hand through her hair and held Wren close. “I’m not losing you again, Wren. Not for anything. Not for anyone. If I have to be on the bad side of the gang, I will be. You are important to me” he told her. Luke never thought of himself as smart, and so this confused him. He really hoped she could help him come up with a plan. “Plus don’t you like bad boys?” He teased, trying to lighten the mood

@ BadStreetBoys

Wren blushed a bit at his compliments, leaning her head into his touch as he caressed her cheek. "You shouldn't say such mean things about people, even if they were mean themselves.." she murmured, although she smiled a bit as he looked so proud of her. Her smile faltered a bit as the conversation grew serious again, her grip on his shirt tightening a bit.

"I know you don't want to lose me, Luke, but I don't want to lose you forever. I'd never forgive myself if anything happened to you because of me." She frowned as she looked at him. "I know that you want to be tough and strong and prove you can handle everything yourself, but you're at your strongest when you know when something isn't possible or you ask for help from others." She pointed out with a frown, looking him over for a moment. "Maybe.. Maybe you could be an informant, or a witness, and the DA would be willing to overlook what you've done if you help them take down the gang." She suggested after a moment, even if she knew it was a long shot.

She rolled her eyes at the mention of her liking bad boys, shaking her head. "I'd rather not be in a relationship with a criminal, Luke... Especially when I'm working in the mayor's office."

@ katahdin
Luke sighed softly as he listened to her. “I am strong and I can handle things on my own, Wren. I’ve been doing it for 8 years. It’s nor a picture perfect way, but it’s something.” He said. He knew she would probably never understand what he went through and why he went to this route, so he didn’t want to try and convince her. “I’m not a snitch.” He said, very plainly and seriously. “That shit would get me killed faster than anything else. Faster than us staying together would. They can look over me having other people in my life. They will not look over me being a snitch. I’d be dead in a week.” He shook his head. Luke was terrified of that reality, but didn’t want it to show.

Luke’s smile turned to a frown when she said she wouldn’t date a criminal. Sure that’s technically what he was, but he didn’t like the thought of her calling him a criminal. “I’m not a bad guy.” He said quietly, Luke ran a hand through his hair. He moved Wren off of his lap before standing up, pacing back and forth across her living room. “Don’t call me a criminal. I’m not a bad guy.” He said and glanced over. The last thing Luke was ted was for Wren to think he was a bad person, that would break him. He wanted to be a strong person in her eyes.“I’ll talk to Fabio and Marco, see what’s goin on, see what I can do.” He said and rubbed his chin as he thought. “I need to protect you though.”

@ BadStreetBoys

Wren frowned as he pushed her off his lap before getting up to pace around the room, her frown only deepening as he spoke. "Luke.. Luke, I don't think you're a bad person. Not at all. But you work for a gang, you're a relatively high up member in that gang, and I work for the mayor's office... You have to understand that I can't... Me working at the mayor's office puts both of our lives at risk, and your affiliation with the gang does the same thing, as well as putting my job in jeopardy.." she frowned, looking away sadly. She hated this situation, wished that it could be different, but he was too stubborn to change or ask for help, so there wasn't really any other way.

"I love you, Luke. I really do.. But I can't be in a relationship with you, whether it's romantic or just as friends because of what you do.." She stood, moving back to the kitchen to collect his beer from the fridge and the bag of uneaten takeout, setting it on her table for him to take with him when he left. "I wish it could be different, but I just don't see any other way, and it wrong of me to ask to change for me."

@ katahdin
Luke just kept shaking his head and pacing as she spoke. “Stop. Stop. Stop!” He said his voice getting louder with each word. He put his hands over his face and just wanted to shut out her words. He didn’t want to hear her pushing him away. Luke had never been one to handle his emotions, or conflict, well. He never learned how. “If you want to push me away why not just turn me in? Wouldn’t that be for the better?” He said, turning to look at her. “You’d probably get a promotion and then you wouldn’t have to worry about me or your job.” He sounded angry, but Luke was just trying to hide the pain.

Luke followed Wren into the kitchen, grabbing a chair from the table and sitting. He took a beer from the case and began to drink it. The only thing that would make this better was if he could forget it. But that would only be a temporary fix. “You don’t know how many criminals you work with.” He told her pointedly. “I don’t want you to ask me to change, and I don’t want you to change for me. But I will be god damn fucked if I lose you again Wren. I’m not letting it happen. I spent 8 years without you and they fucking sucked. Do you know how hard it is working to support your family at 15?” He asked and finished the rest of the beer. “Do you know how hard it is to be the small skinny kid in a gang? How often I was beat up until I finally was able to bulk up and he stronger so I could defend myself? Do you know how hard it is to explain to my mother that she can’t worry about where the money is coming from because it’s going to help. She knows, she has to. But it’s all they have for Jake and Ryan and for food and rent.” He said, tears welling up in his eyes again. He rubbed his eyes hard to get rid of them. “Do you know how hard I’ve had to fight just to stay alive?” He bit his lip before lifting up his shirt, along his abdomen was a long white scar, maybe 7 inches in length. Varying in how wide it was from end to end. “I have almost died to take care of my family and to better my life. Do you want to know what my biggest worry was when I laid there bleeding?” He asked and looked her in the eye. “First was my family would be screwed. Second? You.” He said and shook his head. “I was worried you’d find out. Find out I’m dead. Then find out how. Then find out why. Find out I was a piece of shit gang banger and you would hate me for it. I didn’t want to die because I didn’t want you to find out. And this was only last year. Before we had come back together.” He said and pulled his shirt back down before sitting back down.

@ BadStreetBoys

Wren flinched a bit as he shouted at her, looking away as she quickly wiped stray tears from her eyes, but at the mention of her turning him for a promotion she looked back at him with a frown, shaking her head. "I'd never do that to you, Like.. Using you for my own personal gain.. I'd never forgive myself." She frowned as she watched him open up the beer and drink, wishing he wouldn't just get drunk during this. It was too important of a conversation to be drunk for.

Her tears only got worse as he revealed how hard it was to survive, and all the things he'd had to endure, although she hated that he seemed to think that she hadn't gone through her own personal hell too. "My life sucked too, Luke. I know you suffered, and I'm not saying you didn't, but I went through hell too, so don't act like I didn't." She let out a shaky sigh, wiping uselessly at her tears. "The bullying got worse after you left, especially from Trish and her friends, and even your friends joined in after a while... A-And then senior year they invited me to some end of the year party, and they spiked the drink they gave me, and I didn't finish it but it was enough for them to drag me out the back into the woods and beat and rape me.." she was shaking at having to recount the memories, but she knew Luke needed to know. "I don't remember how I got home, but my parents were out of town, and I hated everything so much that I thought about just ending it all, a-and I almost did, but I couldn't because of you. Because if I did and you found out what had happened you'd think so little of me for everything that had happened, that you'd regret being my friend." She had the scars to prove her story, but she was too distraught, her face buried in her hands as she wept.

@ katahdin
“So you wouldn’t turn me in, but you’d throw me out?” He countered. Luke knew he needed to reign in his emotions. Being hurt and angry, yelling, would get him nowhere. Luke knew she was hurt and probably scared of his yelling. He was a big guy, a loud guy, scary when he was mad. It was a good and bad thing. Good when dealing with things in a gang setting. Bad when he was overwhelmed with emotion in front of a girl he loved.

Luke hated when Wren cried, forcing himself To keep the tears away when he saw hers. As she spoke about what happened he truly got angry. His face dropped any emotion he had. “I’m going to fucking kill them.” He told her, his voice was low, and plain. As if he was telling her about his day. Luke stood up from the chair and was glowing with anger. He crushed the empty beer can in his hand. Luke walked to the trash and tossed it out, turning and looking at her again. “I’m going back home and I’m going to find them, and fucking kill them.” He quickly walked over to Wren and pulled her into a tight embrace. “I love you, I’m sorry I left you. I’m sorry I didn’t know how bad things got back home.” He paused. “I’m going to make it right.” He said definitively.

@ BadStreetBoys

Wren hated his yelling and his anger, it reminded her of what had happened in high school, and what had happened earlier in the day with Fabio. Luke had always been so kind and sweet, and she hated how angry he was now since it scared her. "I-I don't want to throw you out, but I don't know what else to do, Luke.." She wept, flinching as he crushed the beer can and only grew angrier as he announced that he was going to kill his old high school friends for what they'd done.

She couldn't help but tense up when he moved toward her, half expecting him to hit her or shake her or something, so she was quite relieved when he simply pulled her into a tight embrace, practically melting into his arms as she wept into his chest. "Just stay here.. Please, just stay here.. I-I don't want you to get in trouble.. P-Please don't leave again.." She begged softly, holding onto his shirt tightly.

@ katahdin
Luke noticed his anger was scaring Wren and put it in his mind he needed to calm down and stop. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her or scare her. Luke held Wren close, kissing the top of her head. Allowing her warmth to calm him. His body eased up, and he let his anger melt away. “I told you, you can’t get rid of me now.” He murmured, running his hands up and down her back. “I’m staying here, I’ll stay the night. Calm down, a Wren. I’m here, I’m not going anywhere.” Luke’s voice had come down a few notches and he was speaking with clarity. “Let’s go to the living room.” He told her, taking Wren’s hand and walking to the living room.

Luke laid down on the couch And pulled Wren down with him, his arms pulling her close to his chest. He didn’t plan on letting her go tonight. As long as she was in his arms, he thought she was safe. “If you want to talk about anything else that happened, in high school, you can. I won’t get angry. I’m just here to listen and comfort you.” He told her, kissing her head again. Luke was still fuming inside from what they had done to her. He didn’t want to let them get away with it, but he also knew the anger would push Wren away, so he had to store it for now. “I’m sorry your first time was like that, no one deserves that. No real man would ever defile a woman like that.” Luke paused, “Sex shouldn’t be that way.” He said quietly, unsure of where his words should go next.

@ BadStreetBoys

Wren was relieved when she felt Luke calm down, finding that it was easier for her to calm down as well, especially as he assured her that he wouldn't leave her. She let out a little nod as he led her to the living room, curling up on the couch with him once he'd laid down. She felt safe in his arms, and hoped that maybe she'd be able to get him to open up and let her in if given enough time. If he could just open up and let her in and help him then maybe he'd be able to get to a better place, be able to leave the gang and help his family in a different way.

"No." She was quick to shake her head when he offered to listen to her if she wanted to talk about anything that had happened in high school, gripping his shirt as she curled into his arms. "No, I don't want to." She hadn't wanted to tell him in the first place, but she'd been so upset that she'd been telling him about it before she'd even been able to think through it. She never wanted to think about it again, and she hated that he knew now and was pitying her. She wasn't sure what else to say as he apologized that her first time had been like that, simply giving a little nod in agreement as she tucked her face into his chest.

@ katahdin
Luke nodded as she said she didn't want to talk about it, he didn't think anyone would ever want to relive an experience like that. "I understand." he murmured. Luke closed his eyes and held Wren close. His body was still packed full of adrenaline, he didn't know if he would be able to sleep. He wanted to he wanted to sleep away whatever he was feeling and start fresh in the morning. Maybe in the morning they could forget what was said, forget what happened, and move on. He knew wren wouldn't just want to forget, but he could hope. Luke allowed himself to relax and slowly drift off into some sort of sleep.
-
The next morning when Luke woke up, he had a headache from the crying and subsequent dehydration. He slowly and carefully moved off the couch, making sure not to disturb Wren. Luke gently put a blanket over her to make up for his lost body heat. He made his way into the kitchen, pouring himself a glass of water, gulping it down. Luke sat at the table and pulled out his wallet. Inside was a picture of the two of them, from the beginning of their sophomore year before he moved. His parents insisted on taking a picture of them when Wren came to watch his soccer game. They looked so small, little, s young. He ran his thumb over the photo and smiled. He had kept this photo in his wallet since his mother gave it to him. He had felt stupid at times for it, not realizing she felt the same way about him as he did her. Luke put the phot back before he decided to rummage through the cabinets in search for something quick to eat. They hadn't eaten last night and he was starving. Luke simultaneously hoped Wren stayed asleep so he could avoid what was coming but also wanted her to wake up because he just wanted to talk to her.

@ BadStreetBoys

Wren was easily able to fall asleep in Luke's arms, and despite her couch not being the most comfortable, and her bed not being that far away, she slept through the night. She stirred slightly when he got up, although she didn't quite wake, curling up under the blanket he draped over her. When she did wake it was maybe twenty minutes later after hearing Luke rummaging around in the kitchen. She didn't get up immediately though, not wanting him to know that she was awake just yet. She knew that they'd probably have another argument or fight whenever they spoke, and she knew that they'd have to talk about what had happened yesterday whether she wanted to or not.

After maybe five minutes of debating about whether or not to get up she let out a sigh as she sat up, rubbing at her eyes sleepily as she tugged the blanket around her shoulders. "Luke?" She called softly, turning to look at him in the kitchen, offering him a weak smile. "Did you sleep alright?"

@ katahdin
Luke heard Wren when she called out, turning around to look at her through the doorway between the kitchen and the living room. "I found your poptarts," he told her, some crumbs around his lips as he finished off the pastry. He grabbed a second silver package and brought it over to Wren, holding it out. "Want one? if not I'll finish it. I'm starving." Luke sat down next to her. "I slept as well as I could have, did you?" Luke smiled over at Wren. He didn't want to admit it, but he had slept really well and he attributed that to falling asleep with Wren.

"I don't want to fight, or yell, or cry. I don't want negative things. I care about you too much. I know we can't ignore yesterday and last night, but I don't want this to ruin what we have." He told her, taking one of her hands and encapsulating it in both of his. "I do not want to lose you again, I will do anything to keep you in my life. But I can't just leave, they would kill me." Luke knew the only way to keep Wren was probably leaving the gang, but he also knew he couldn't do that. Yes they would kill him, but he also kind of enjoyed the life. The thrill, the adrenaline, the money.. The life had given him a lot, it built him into a man, or so he thought. "I love you, Wren. I respect you. You are just so high up on a pedestal for me, you're everything I'm not. You're so smart and so amazing and innocent and sweet. You ground me."

@ BadStreetBoys

Wren thanked him as he passed her the package, taking one of the pastries out of the wrapper before passing it back to him to let him finish it off. "I slept well, considering we slept on the couch." She offered him a faint smile as she took a bite of the pastry, although the smile faded as he began to speak about not wanting to fight or yell about what had happened last night, sighing as she set down her pastry as she continued to listen to him. She didn't want to fight either, wanted to pretend nothing had happened, but she couldn't. It just wasn't possible.

"Luke.. I don't want to lose you either, but your friend made it clear, either we stop seeing each other or he'll kill one of us. And you've made it clear that you won't leave because they'll kill you or you just don't want to, I'm not sure." She frowned, looking at him as she squeezed his hand. "I love you too, Luke. I really do, with all of my heart.. But I just don't see a way where we can see each other without one of us getting hurt or worse." She looked away, slowly pulling her hand from his grip. "I'm sorry... I wish things could be different, I really do.."

@ katahdin
Luke watched Wren as she spoke, frowning slightly when she was saying there was no way things could be different. He bit his tongue as she pulled her hand from him. "You're throwing this all away because of one thing?" he said, almost sternly. "We were best friends for years and years, lost each other and finally found each other again. Now you want to throw that all way?" he scoffed. "Where's the Wren I knew who worked damn hard to get what she wanted and to make things work? Or am I just not enough to work towards." Luke was hurt, bitter. He didn't want to show it, but he knew he was doing a poor job of that.

Luke stood up and walked back towards the kitchen. "I wouldn't just leave you or abandon you, never, Wren." he said and grabbed the case of beer from the kitchen and put on his jacket that he left on the chair. "If you want me to go, I will." Luke told her as he moved to stand in the doorway between the kitchen and the living room. "Just say it and I'll be gone, and out of your life for good." Luke's eye had tears in them, but he was hell bent on staying strong. He had one hand in his pocket, holding onto his wallet, the other holding the case of beer.

@ BadStreetBoys

"Of course I want it to work, Luke. More than anything. And I've tried to tell you that I'd help you get out of the situation you're in and help you and your family but you keep saying no and pushing me away. I can't work toward something if you're constantly fighting against me." Wren frowned, tears welling in her eyes. "You're my best friend and I love you, but you're pushing me away and won't let me help." She was upset that he wasn't seeing how he was pushing her away too, but if he needed to blame her to make himself feel better, she'd take all of it.

She stared down at her lap as he got up and prepared to leave, trying to hide her tears and her trembling lip as he told her to say that she wanted him gone. Of course she didn't want him gone, but what choice did she have? "Go.. I'm sorry I wasn't a better friend to you, and I wish you and your family the best."