LifesLegend / Comments, page 2

Loving Wolf Girl (100)

:: Member
Gender:: ♀
Age:: 30
Location:: United States

None I can think of.

November 18th, 2011 at 11:06pm

kiana (100)

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Gender:: ♀
Age:: 29
Location:: United States

Ha okay sure <3

November 18th, 2011 at 10:00pm

long live us. (100)

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Gender:: ♀
Age:: 29
Location:: Canada

hey. i read the first chapter, its really not my kind of story though.
if i had to give you some feedback, it wouldn't be about your next chapter. Just try to make different lines for each of the speaking lines. for example:
"Hi I'm kaisie."
"Hi I'm danielle"
instead of
"Hi im kaisie" "hi i'm danielle."
like you tended to do in the first chapter. also, try not to make it so cliche. no offence or anything, but don't make the main character try and show herself off too much. its annoying for like 90% of readers. I know you want her to be this kick ass CIA kind of girl, but if you make her out to be this be this amazing, athletic, strong, smart type of girl right away, you're gonna scare some readers away. let her abilities build over time. and she sounds a bit cocky, so try to tone that down a bit too.
sorry if i offended you or whatever, thats just my feedback.

November 18th, 2011 at 07:42pm

That.Gurl (100)

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Gender:: ♀
Age:: 28
Location:: United States

hello! I'm Emily, Of course i'll read it. :)

November 18th, 2011 at 05:44pm

JessLynn (100)

:: Member
Gender:: ♀
Age:: 31
Location:: United States

Hello, I'm Jess. I'll check it out!

November 18th, 2011 at 03:15pm

CelesteAverice (100)

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Gender:: ♀
Age:: 33
Location:: United States

Hi there! Thanks for the welcome to Mibba. I'll be happy to check out your new story, but give me some time to do that. Gotta head to bed for an early day. Can't wait to read :D

November 18th, 2011 at 08:17am

GummyBearsDontBite (100)

:: Member
Gender:: ♀
Age:: 27
Location:: United Kingdom

Haiiiiiiizzzzz! And thankyou for the welcome! I'm Driaa btw! ;DD

November 14th, 2011 at 02:48am

dearly.departed (100)

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Gender:: ♀
Age:: 29
Location:: United States

Hey, my name's Leyla Marie. I was wondering, if you have the time, could you check out my story and give me your opinion.
Please and thank you.
http://stories.mibba.com/read/431117/Frozen-Hearts-and-Impenetrable-Walls/

November 13th, 2011 at 04:51am

mani0boo17 (100)

:: Member
Gender:: ♀
Age:: 30
Location:: United States

ok i will

November 12th, 2011 at 02:31pm

peaceluvmusic (150)

:: Member
Gender:: ♀
Age:: 31
Location:: United States

i love it! it took me a wihle to finish it cuz i have been working on my book Scarlet! but i love yours alot!

November 7th, 2011 at 07:08am

sanity_is_boredom (100)

:: Member
Gender:: ♀
Age:: 30
Location:: Great Britain (UK)

Thanks for the add. I just read the first chapter of Dancing in the Rain and really enjoyed it :) do you reckon you could check out my new story "John and Beatrice" I'd really like some reader feedback yo know if its any good :)

November 6th, 2011 at 11:04pm