June 9th, 2010 at 01:50pm
[b]care for a REVIEW ?[/b]
okay so first of all.. I really like slash stories so it caught my attention when you warned that this is, indeed a slash story.
[b]Summary:[/b] it was kinda' long. Well for me at least. It's good that you're filling us in with the info and everything but I think it's sort of better to just mention some along the way while telling the story.
[i]The story follows the three boys through. . .[/i]
-- was good enough as the summary itself. It kinda' leaves the reader with mystery and curiosity as of how the story might lead.
[b]Content:[/b] Seeing as it is a cliche falling in love with brother's bestfriend kind of slash, I'm glad that as I read further more into the story, it's sort of more than that.
In the first few chapters, I really like the way you make Florian all innocent like with the whole fake smiles and acting to cover up his feelings for Jayden.
[i]Either I'd have to be impolite and stare at my plate for the entire meal, or I'd have to look at him and risk not being able to eat at all. As the idiot I am, I of course dared to look at him.[/i]
-- it kinda' tells the way he can't avoid not being attracted to Jayden in any way. I just really like that part.
The characters are amazing. It's clear that you connect with them somehow. The way you portray them is like they're real. All of them having flaws and mistakes.
Like Jayden being insensitive to Florian, unaware of the problem and suffering he been having.
Lydia is a good supporting character. I'm glad you didn't make Kevin feel left out, giving him a love story as well.
It's like you really thought it through with the whole concept of the story. I like how you didn't just concentrate on the love story of the two and added twists and drama to it.
Please note that there are a few typos and such. I figured since you're re-writing it that you'll probably take care of that.
[b]Over-all:[/b] The story is well-written and nicely done. The way the chapters seem to be unpredictable and it kinda' adds to the mystery. All-in-all you did a great job. I think it deserves a few more readers and comments than this.
[b]Additional:[/b] Devotion is important in a writer. I don't know how the 'new version' is gonna be but I hope you're able to hold on to this one. A new version sometimes mean a whole new diff. story or characters. Not the same as the original but still alike.
BUT I still wanna know and read it. So keep me updated.
(I know it says to leave a comment on your profile but I don't really want to go by the rules) lol.
[i]HUGSandSKITTLES;[/i]
..Alyssa
,.-○..-°`○..
better? :)
I appreciate you appreciating the review.
If your grammar and vocabulary was just average, and now that you say that you've gotten better, then I think the story will be a hell of a read.
Good Luck. I'll look forward to it. :)
.. Alyssa.