trishO_o / Comments

Managed to get the buses on time!
JUst done my first Grand Prix race... it is SOOOO much better than endurance racing! There was something like 20 of us there tonight. I was leading in points for most of the night! MY first ever one! The only heat I lost a place in was when I started 1st and went to 2nd because tony was in 2nd and he's actually competing for the championship so I couldn't not let him past... well i could have done, but this was only my first time, I'm not competing for the championship so I let him through :L But he held my hand part way back to the pits which was a bit weird, trying to steer with one hand and hold the other one across the kart as far as possible :L It's a good job I let him through, it meant he could start on pole for the final.... where I started third in the middle of the top guys on the grid who are all going for points for the championship and then there's me sticking my nose in XD and I held off matthew for so long... but there was a gap for 2nd and i went for it but he ended up coming past me while I was trying to go past someone else :L It was a lot of fun actually, I was attacking the guy in front while defending the guy behind at the same time and it torked for the most part... I could have been 2nd in my first ever Grand Prix race... but I've ended up in 4th because i was trying too hard to get an extra place XD there was a gap i had to go for it! lol but when they were doing the trophy presentation and they said where everyone came and i was in forth the guy goes 'and in 4th we have emily doing her first ever grand prix, could have been second but lost it a couple of laps from the end. and yes lads.. she is better than all of you' XD I was like kind of embarrassed because then everyone was looking at me :L but tony has given me his champagne for doing so well... he didn't think i was going to do anywhere near as well as i did :L
so... first ever grand prix and i was so very nearly second it;s not even funny!!

I nearly missed the bus on monday to get to the track in time for my race o.O i think it was the last bus as well XD
I don't think that would have gone down well if I'd not been able to get on it on time... but I have to make the same trip tomorrow on the same bus for another race.... i'll just have to call tony and tell him to come and get me from the bus station if i do miss it :L it's only like 5-10 minutes drive from the track depending on the traffic... which is usually bad lol
I went karting today about 7 laps in he turned up out of the pits in front of me I was like... wtf? when did you get here? he could have told me he was going :L apparently he's full of surprises, not sure whether that's a good or bad thing! haha
but tomorrow night we're not racing on the same team, it's an every man for himself situation but it's the last race of the championship and he could win the shampionship... if he wins the race so i have to somehow stay out of his way but get in the way of everyone else... which will be hard because he's always telling me i'm really good at defending... my only problem i never have any idea of who is behind me o.O so if it's him i'm just gonna be like shiiiit, but i think he'd kill me if i got in the way and i'd feel awful. They were telling me to try and get in the way of him and i was just like ummm... no way XD but i don't mind holding everyone else up so he can get away lol so here's to hoping i don't miss the bus! XD

Turns out... it was just me being paranoid :)
which i kind of knew it would be but you know what i'm like... panic first thing reasonably..... never :L
We went out last night sop it's all good, I just need to learn how to be less clingy :L and how to leave my phone at home during college so i'm not driving myself insane!
But yeah we went out last night so it's all good... I even got my dad to drop me off where we were meeting o.O
But I seriously need to send off for my provisional because i need to be able to get out of the house... especially when something is going to kick off I can just get out and go breathe somewhere out of the way and so that we can meet up more often because at the moment it takes him about 45 minutes to get to anywhere we're going to meet up and i have to either find a lift pr get the bus and walk the rest of the way which is not good now it's going freezing!

Well it's just upsetting me because of everything that happened and then now he won't text me properly :/ I don't know what to make of it at all... I mean it's his birthday today and i text him saying 'birthday birthday birthday! you have a choice of presents ;) xx' and i got no reply, and if he doesn't reply straight away he doesn't reply at all. And I kinda want to text him again... but I also don't because I don't want to piss him off or annoy him... urgh it's so annoying! And I don't think I will actually get to see him at all this weekend either... everything sucks at the moment

Yeah. The only thing that's bothering me is that this time it isn't like before, like before we were texting like almost everyday and there were kisses at the end now, I'm lucky if I get a reply which pisses me off but I guess it's something I need to get used to. it's my only problem, I get too damn clingy :L
But at least I know he's not messing me around because if he was he'd just get rid of me and yes he would do that over text, like last time... but hey he didn't really have a choice last time, his only other option was to meet up with me and do it to my face on my birthday XD
so it's just probably because then it was all new and stuff and now it's like yeah, we're together lets all calm down :L
i've just damn near over run the bath while sending this rant to you XD I just had to leg it down the hall way to make sure i got there in time, I completely forgot about it! I get very easily distracting from small things lol

:/ Sounds like my mum when she found out about me and you know who. that did not go down well at all. i don't know if she knows that's it's back on, i don't think my dad could bare to tell her and there's no cat in hell's chance that I'm telling her after the way she reacted last time so she can live in ignorance for all i care.

It's turned out to be pretty much one of those months to be honest... everything has just gone so down hill in the past few weeks.
doesn't rain but it pours right?

how did his mum take it?

Man to I feel shit today.
I have no friends, tony won't talk to me properly and my parents are yelling at me like usual... i don't know what to do at the moment... i feel like i have nothing.

I just thought you might like to know that me and him are now fixed! Because I'm just that awesome... though technically he kissed me first this time but y'know.... it was all me obviously XD

Well I went to the orthodontist today again and was in there for about 30 seconds XD
He cut the wire on my brace and then said that if I need it cutting again before my next appointment that I could do it myself at home with a pair of nail clippers o.O
I was like ummm... thanks but no thanks. XD
I'd rather make an emergancy appointment and pay for the bus fare :L

He's a bit daft and kinda slow... but not an idiot :L
But we shall se.... lets see if I can last out the week without having a mental break down over it XD
But towers on friday hopefully, and we might dress up for halloween as well! that will be fun times hopefully so yeah as long as ai can distract myself for a week i should be okay :)

XD Love the fact you still haven't sent it
And yeah my mood has been up and down the past week i've either been on a major high or a compulsive low and it's not good because like yeah... it just isn't!
but the make over has worked so far... just wait until next week when I pull out all the stops. the new leather dress, with the dark hair and make-up with some heals and... I'm going to use a fool prood trick... a lolli-pop. :)

Well I went shopping yesterday and I bought a KILLER dress. And I mean... phwaaa...
It's partly leather and it's just amazing... and I also bought a mustard yellow short elastic banded skirt which i think should also do the job.... he's going to severely regret it, I'll make sure he does. He still likes me, it's not like he broke up with me because of that... if anything he cared too much that I was falling out with my dad, but he'll know how much he's missing out next time he sees me, I'll make damn sure to look my best :L

Birthday is over and now the motivation is gone... now I just want to sit around a mope about him for the next week being all depressed.
I always do this, I start off crying, then I think f*ck it f*ck him which my lasts for a couple of days then i return to the depressive state of not wanting to do a thing. Other than karting... I always have time for racing. I was getting kind of depressed last night so I went to the track and 70 laps... could have stayed on for 2-3 times as long as i did but it was getting late. That cheered me up.... then i got home and it all went down hill again. I cheered up for a bit... because there were a few brief texts... but then yeah it all went downhill.

my mood has been totally yo-yoing the past couple of days. it's a good job i stayed off college... i couldn't have bared breaking down in class like i did on monday. :/

this is the shittiest birthday ever

talking to you on here and on facebook! haven't done that in a looooong time! x

okay :)
but I think that you should go to the doctors, anaemia can play hell up with pregnancy so... :/

and i don't think i can deal with this stuff any more, sh*t has been going down at home and it's making me actually ill. I can't talk to my parents because they won't listen, my mum won't anyway. It is always someone else's fault for her, and always someone else putting thoughts into my head as if I can't think for myself or make my own mistakes... it's just as much my fault as it is someone else's but she won't see it... she wn't see it and she doesn't care how much she's hurting me.... and she's blaming him for tearing the family apart but it's her who's doing it to herself... but she won't see that she's doing it... there wouldn't be a problem if she would let me just be happy for once but she just wants me to be alone and upset for the rest of my life but all she keeps saying is that it is for me own good and that it's breakin gher heart to see me like this... but she is the reason i feel like this... she just won't accept that.
And I will go against her, I've never done that before and I never wanted to but she knows that I'm going to do it with or without her permission so she can either accept it or at least let me get on with it or she can try and stop me and she will regret that.

I'm happy happy again now :D
Which I'm sure you're glad to hear... and if you're not then you should be! :L
It took all but one short text and now I feel brill :)
xx

I don't know what it is... I just felt like breaking down half way through yesterday and yesterday I've been in tears all morning... I was sent out of physics to go calm down....
I don't know what was wrong with me but I just feel horrendous.