senryu of a story - Comments

[b]Reviewed[/b] as requested.

For some strange reason, I'm happy that this is a poem. I like poems :)

[i]I
tangled in a mess
of happy thoughts and distress
my mind is now lost[/i]
^Kick starting the poem off with this gave it an almost dreamlike quality.

[i]VIII
but then again i
do remember you with me
under those sad sheets[/i]
^Wonderfully worded. Would I be considered a pervert if I said that this is my favorite line? -.-

[i]was it even real?
i recall the way i feel
the way i felt, love[/i]
^Awh! Questioning oneself after a love lost(?) is common.

Overall: it was done perfectly! I like how your 'I's are all in small letters, showing how the persona feels about herself; small, insecure, in pain. I'm not going to rate this because that'd be unfair for such a great piece.

Really ,well done!

I approve. You strike me as someone with a great poetic talent. The rhythm was really wierd... And you just made it [i]work[/i]. It's great to see there is hope for poetry yet. =D

Wow, this is amazing. I love it.

Wow, this was really pretty.
I don't read many poems but this one flowed really nicely.
This is definitely something you're very talented in.

beautiful poem and heartening

wow. i have never read a poem organized with roman numerals before. that was cool :D i really like how each one reveals what happens next like stages of the relationship. i also like how you said 'rusted' heart and blue eyes 'sparkling.' adjectives are important b/c detail and description is important. you want to make the reader feel in the writer/the characters shoes. =]

This was very well written.
I haven't seen a poem so beautiful, emotional and uncut like this one in the longest while. It's pure, it flows, it has meaning and it plays a story beautifully. With a sad end and emotional distress.

Excellent writing.

..Breath-taking. EVERY line, EVERY word.. You're amazing at writing. You have talent <3

That was beautiful, truly. The way you worded it made it amazingly poetic and yet it was so easy to relate to.
[i]"unravel my thoughts
before they begin to rot[/i]"
~loved that line.

I really enjoyed this. I can't say I'm a huge poem person, but everthing flowed togehter so wonderfully.

I'm assuming the non-capitalized things were meant to be non-capitalized?

Anyways, very, very lovely job (:

I really like this.
I can't make it better sorry (critisize)
Because you're my favorite poet
Because I don't know any other ones and I don't take time to read any one else's poems unless they are to me.
I like it a lot you're good.

This was great. (:
This was so realistic, and I love how you worded everything. It was easy to understand, which is really good.
Great job! (:

This was awesome.

I liked the way that it was all broken up into the different stanzas, the words just bounced along and it was very easy and enjoyable to read. The story was clearly narrated through the verse as well, which is a pretty hard thing to do.

Awesome work, well done =]