Wow. Your emotion is very strong in this. It's excellent. (:
December 25th, 2010 at 11:51pm
I may be wrong but it sounds like someone who smokes will lose you/the narrator if they don't stop. That's how I got my boyfriend to quit. He wasn't a hardcore smoker but it bothered me so he gave it up and it's been two years since he's touched a smoke.
I really like this, the words flow nice and accoridingly, I think my favorite stanza though is this one
"Twist my lies,
Hide my cries,
Twist my fears,
Hide my tears."
It's simple but it says so much. A whole rainbow of emotion can be seen if one analyzes it to that point.
I think you did a good job.