I agree. You could barely get the meaning of this poem. I advise you to change it- it would be a lot easier to read, and to understand. ♥
February 3rd, 2008 at 06:50pm
First of all, typing your title like that is obnoxious.
It will only turn people away from your poem, because it takes away from the seriousness of it.
Secondly, this is not a poem. This is rather two paragraphs.
If you break it up into stanzas it will be.
But at the moment, it is far from being a poem.
I couldn't even read it because I couldn't pay attention to the actual words.
You might want to fix this.