August 5th, 2011 at 07:38pm
This is a really lovely piece to read. :)
At first, I got this 1950s housewife vibe from it, just because of the very housewifey kitchen cleaning kinda feel - the homely vibe.
Then it began to feel a lot more modern when it was mentioned, from Europe and the Cherokees and wearing pajamas to school ;)
Anyways, I like how there's a little contrast within this piece, the father and the mother, the seasons, the child and the woman. I think it really helps with the idea in the poem. :) You've got the time, the parents and the child you used to be, the state and everything the state was made from. :)
I especially like the last line about plastic bins and scrapbooks - and that, just like the state and the people who made the state - nothing will be forgotten.
It's just a lovely little read. But there are a few grammar things, like a comma, speech marks then followed by a full stop. So, maybe just re-read through it again and really check to see what does and doesn't need to be there. :)
Other than that, it's quite lovely. :)
Oh, and thank you. I didnt realize from the beginning that it sounded like a housewife, but then again, I cook a lot, so I just figured the cooking part made sense. But thanks for the comments, it'll really help if I ever rewrite this(: