This Is Where I'm From - Comments

  • independence.

    independence. (100)

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    26
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    United States
    Well, I know I had written this for English class, and my teacher had given us a layout. She's the one that told us where to put the commas and stuff.
    Oh, and thank you. I didnt realize from the beginning that it sounded like a housewife, but then again, I cook a lot, so I just figured the cooking part made sense. But thanks for the comments, it'll really help if I ever rewrite this(:
    August 5th, 2011 at 07:38pm
  • volta.

    volta. (1000)

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    New Zealand
    This is a really lovely piece to read. :)
    At first, I got this 1950s housewife vibe from it, just because of the very housewifey kitchen cleaning kinda feel - the homely vibe.
    Then it began to feel a lot more modern when it was mentioned, from Europe and the Cherokees and wearing pajamas to school ;)

    Anyways, I like how there's a little contrast within this piece, the father and the mother, the seasons, the child and the woman. I think it really helps with the idea in the poem. :) You've got the time, the parents and the child you used to be, the state and everything the state was made from. :)
    I especially like the last line about plastic bins and scrapbooks - and that, just like the state and the people who made the state - nothing will be forgotten.

    It's just a lovely little read. But there are a few grammar things, like a comma, speech marks then followed by a full stop. So, maybe just re-read through it again and really check to see what does and doesn't need to be there. :)

    Other than that, it's quite lovely. :)
    August 5th, 2011 at 01:14pm