Time - Comments

I really like the sort of bittersweet feelings in this. I have to say, too, I really like your writing style in your poems I have read so far.
The only line I stumbled on in this was Time, maybe it hasn't ran out yet I believe "run" would be more grammatically correct, but I can see "ran" being used to create a certain voice for the narrative as well. So, really, it's your call there.

I really like the description of scene. And I like how you morph the images shown in the first couple stanzas, so that the imagery creates consistency and contrast at the same time. The way it comes full-circle in the end and the imagery used reminds me, thematically at least, of "A Tree Grows in Brooklyn."

There are a few lines that create some inconsistency with tone; like the phrase "hang out," which has a more juvenile voice, which isn't bad per se, but it clashes with the more mature voice of the surrounding words, or "Time, maybe it hasn't [run] out yet," which has a different structure that kind of pulled me out of the poem for a second.

Overall, though, I liked the imagery and the hopefulness of it.

wow. i love this. i can see the movie playing in my head when i read it, and i love what i see. i feel the loneliness and the hope for change. well written!