There is some really great imagery here, with really fantastic specifics that give the reader something solid to hold onto. There are a handful of minor, nitpicky errors: "mans world" is possessive and should be "man's," same with "soldiers head"; and You stare at the "replay' icon should have " (quotation marks) instead of ' (apostrophe) at the end of "replay."
The notion of the camera creating a phoenix was probably my favorite part. It's one of those metaphors that is surprising, but suiting.
There are parts where the narrative style kind of stumbled or where a longer phrase could be a little more concise, and the sudden shift at the end from third to second person kind of pulled me out of the poem for a second, but overall it worked very well as a narrative poem.
The notion of the camera creating a phoenix was probably my favorite part. It's one of those metaphors that is surprising, but suiting.
There are parts where the narrative style kind of stumbled or where a longer phrase could be a little more concise, and the sudden shift at the end from third to second person kind of pulled me out of the poem for a second, but overall it worked very well as a narrative poem.