There Is No Such Thing As Forever For Us - Comments

I’m here as the new host for the ‘Show Me What You’ve Got’ contest.

I really like the message of this poem. There was a lot of anger and emotion packed into all of the lines, and I have a deep appreciation for rhythm poetry because it can be hard to maintain the depth that you want whilst keeping that format. You did really well because I understood the power you built with your words. The narrator did well in expressing the pain, the disappointment, and the anger. I definitely knew of the abuse between the narrator and the other part of it.

However, there were three blinding mistakes that broke the flow, both being in the same line:

To your information, I don't need anymore your attention — ‘To’ sounds very strange and I think you were aiming for “For your information”. ‘Anymore’ should be two words in this context because ‘anymore’ refers to time whereas ‘any more’ refers to quantities. And there should be an ‘of’ between any more and your.

Other than that, this was a nicely written poem with a lot of punch to it so good job.

You are around me like you have a crown,
well, that's the first thing I'll take down.

Favorite line of this poem! I have many other favorites as well. I love the emotion put into this. The rhyming emphasized it too. Great work!

I like all the emotion that you put into this and how you worded it. The rhyme added an effect to it as well, because you could see a battle between emotions. Good job! :)

I liked all of the emotion that you added into this poem. It made it seem all the more real when I was reading because I could totally relate to everything that you had put down. I like that you seem to have these two sides - the remorseful 'I wish' side, and the stronger 'I don't need you' side. It's really interesting to read those two conflicting characters within the one poem. Your rhyming was almost spot-on and everything seemed to flow really well together. You've certainly got a knack for adding in emotion in a way that really works and comes across really strongly with the reader. A well-rounded poem, definitely!

I'll be announcing the winners of the contest at some point this week, so good luck!

I really enjoyed reading this poem. I loved how it rhymed, and I love the whole idea of it. It was just so packed with negative emotions, and I think it is just fantastic.

This is a very good poem with lots of emotion and good rhyme. The story was well told, keep it up!! :)

I love this poem. Ur a great writer

Since I can't comment on your page, I decided to comment on your poem. This was a very nice poem, very sad, and I could feel the emotions.

Very nice! :P

Wow! The part about being a pet that and on from that it is very interesting. I like all of it:)