His Immortal Kiss - Comments

I like the way you have a nice flow to your poems. It makes it a lot easier for me to read (sometimes I find rhymes disrupt the flow, but not with your work). I feel like you really captured the essence of being a vampire in this one too. Nice job

here is a candy cane for the holidays (although late) and I have yet to read the story that connects with this, but this was a very well written and strongly worded poem, and even with the beginning words: 'My master of death, kissed me without a single breath.', it was very captivating and made me very interested! The seductive tone as all the others mentioned, impressed and was somehow done with class, something I definitely couldn't be able to do lol. Anyways, I liked this poem and hope you have a happy holidays!

Oh my gosh this is so creepy and good. I agree with the comment below, it is really seductive. Even reading it I was going slow and just ahh I felt it. I feel like some of your rhyming was kind of forced. Most of it flowed well but don't compromise the entire piece for the rhyme. Great job, nonetheless.

I'm also here as a judge for the Mibba Magazine contest!

Like Formaldehyde. said, you've managed to bring across this fabulously seductive tone to the piece, but you've not overdone it where I've seen it over-accentuated beforehand in poems. You tell a fabulous story as well throughout, but it has this beautifully poetic and naturally flowing ring to it that makes it perfectly suited to be a poem.

Your subject matter itself is really interesting and for people that haven't read the story, I think it creates this perfect introduction and hook into the story itself. You add in enough information about the character to satisfy the poem as a standalone, but you add in little clues and hints as to what to expect from the story and I think that'll do you really well for directing people towards the story. I love how cleverly you've linked them.

I can't really say much else that won't be the same as the other comments, but I really enjoyed your poem. You've got a wonderfully natural flow to the poem, a really interesting subject and you accentuate that with lovely language and a simple yet effective rhyme scheme. Great job!

I love your poem. :) But were all the ends supposed to rhyme? Because some don't... Such as "blood" and "spot" in stanza three, verses 11 and 12. Either way, I still like the poem. :)

I love your poem. :) But were all the ends supposed to rhyme? Because some don't... Such as "blood" and "spot" in stanza three, verses 11 and 12. Either way, I still like the poem. :)

*Mibba Magazine Contest*

This is very good! The 1-1-2-2 rhyming scheme can sometimes be rather boring but I think your subject matter and word choice really make it stand out.

I adore how you've managed to describe this whole thing in such a seductive manner; it's impressive since most people go over the top and make it into an over-sexualised affair.

I really like how simple the layout is; the content of the poem is bold enough that a distracting layout would probably make it less invigorating.

Overall, you've done a great job at conveying the female's emotions and luring the reader in.

Great job!