August 12th, 2014 at 10:12am
I love the rhyme scheme in this. It pulls the reader right in and makes everything flow effortlessly. Pulling the reader into a longer poem can be difficult, but with the way you've structured everything, it's easy to read from start to finish. Some lines are slightly longer than others and do cause more difficulty in terms of them fitting in, but that's only in the last two stanzas and it doesn't affect the poem as much as it would have if those longer lines had been in the first few stanzas.
In terms of the actual content itself, I really like that you've captured for me, what the essence of summer is about. It has this wonderfully light-hearted and carefree air to it, especially the last few stanzas. The idea of being set free in summer is something that I think most people can relate to in terms of school being away and just that feeling of being able to do anything your heart desires during the summer months. It's a really lovely thought and the way you transition from this idea of being scared of the sun to being coaxed into letting go of all worries and concerns. It's a perfect personification of summer, in my opinion.
I noticed a typo in the second-last stanza - nothign in the first line. Aside from that, I didn't see anything that I could mention in terms of concrit. Nice job!
Firstly, I want to apologize for how late this comment came. Between my schedule and Mibba's recent slowness, it's been near impossible to find a time where Mibba is working fast enough and I've actually got the free time to type out a full comment for the entries. So I do apologize for the delay. ^.^
Your poems are always very captivating and this one was really no different. The way you write poetry is simply very amazing and it always impresses me when I read one of your pieces. This poem really did very well at encompassing and expressing the feelings that summer gives a lot of people, especially younger people which is that majority userbase for Mibba. I felt like it really held a feeling of wanting to be free and carefree, which is something so many people long for but often don't get. Your poem is very relatable in that aspect and the way you captured that essence is one thing that I really enjoyed about it.
Your poem was very good and very well written. It flowed quite well and it was a good read. Good job with it.